Days Off

Since we canceled our India trip (no regrets at all now, after all that's going on there) I had 13 vacation days I needed to use. I carried 5 over to 2009 to use before March, which left me with 8 random days to use in a month and a half. I took Monday & Tuesday off last week, and this week, I'm off Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday. The remaining 3 days will be used b/t Christmas and New Years.

Last week, I did absolutely nothing with my time off, and it was everything I wanted it to be. I sat at home, watched countless episodes of A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby, cooked, ate, and sat on my couch some more. That's it. And it was wonderful. I was getting pretty burnt out at work, so the time off was really needed. Work was freaking crazy Wednesday, but whatever, it was worth it.

This week, I'm doing more with my time. Today, I'm heading downtown to meet my old office-mate at Insurance Hell, Sandy, for lunch. We're going to the Japanese place we used to go to often - I miss that. I don't miss Insurance Hell at all (hooray for The Publisher: The best workplace in the world!) but I miss Sandy, and I miss our lunches. So I'm looking forward to that.

Tomorrow, I'm heading downtown again to meet my sister-in-law and her cousin (-in-law, I guess, since it's her husband's cousin) for some shopping in the afternoon. We're heading to some place where my brother-in-law buys purses for cheap, or something.

Wednesday is my (ugh) 29th birthday, so I'm going to get a manicure/pedicure to try to forget that I'm turning 29. Now that I'm not out of the country, I guess my birthday still has to happen, which really blows.

Ooh, on a birthday positive, I think my wonderful husband may have bought me my long-coveted cappuccino/coffee maker! I can see the box in our foyer, but it's covered in bags so I don't know what it is. It's a big box though! I said I don't want presents (because I want to pretend my birthday didn't happen at all), but I wouldn't say no to the cappuccino maker!

Okay. Off to make some full-caffeine coffee (enjoying it while I have my period, because after that, I'm back to decaf while I TTC) and some breakfast.

*Note: Welcome to any Bump-ers that might be visiting! I finally put a link to my blog in my Bump signature.

The season of crisp air, falling leaves, and, it seems, layoffs

I was talking with one of my colleagues this morning who thinks her husband might be laid off this afternoon. He has a departmental meeting at 3, and the head of HR is on the attendee list.
That is never good.
Apparently, he wasn't too concerned about it - just thought it was some kind of strategy meeting or whatever - but she reminded him that, "uh honey - I work in HR. Trust me: a 3:00 meeting with everyone and HR is never a good thing."

He's been there for 15 years, so if he is laid off, at least he'll get a good package. And she has a great stable job, so she's not worried at all. She was just surprised by his naiivte, considering that he's been married to her for 20 years and during that time has heard many stories of re-orgs and layoffs. He should know how these things go. A 3:00 meeting usually means that either everyone's being let go at once, or everyone's in the meeting while a few people are noticably absent - being informed of their termination and cleaning out their desk in peace, without the humiliation of having the rest of the department watching.

What is it about this time of year that means layoffs for companies? I wonder if statistically, the fall is a really common month for re-orgs (or "reinventions", as the Internet Franchise called it). It was the first week of November when the Internet Franchise unceremoniously laid off HALF of its employees (me not one of them), and it was the middle of last October that Insurance Hell laid off 4 out of a 14-person team (3 of them being my Communications colleagues) and again, I was spared the pink slip but given loads of extra work (super). I wonder.

Man, am I ever glad I'm not being laid off right now. I actually like my job. I like my boss. I feel that I'm doing meaningful work and I'm recognized for my contributions. It's almost unreal. And she keeps telling me that I'm not allowed to quit, because she'd go crazy. Hooray for job stability :)

A veritable birthday bonanza

My husband's 29th birthday was on Sunday - Friday kicked off what will be a 3-week birthday fest for him involving no fewer than 6 birthday meals with family and friends. This is not because he's some kind of egomaniac who expects the world to revolve around his date of birth (I'm the egomaniac in this relationship, not him) but because... well, just because. Let me list:

1. Friday dinner - birthday with wife
2. Saturday dinner - birthday with friends
3. Sunday lunch - birthday with parents and one sister
4. Sunday dinner - birthday with other sister
5. following Saturday dinner - birthday with crazy mother-in-law
6. following Saturday dinner - birthday with father- and brother-in-law

That doesn't include colleagues from current and previous contracts who wanted to meet up for lunch in honour of the occasion. It's madness.

Anyway, his birthday made me think back to last year at this time. I was trying to write some awful article for Insurance Hell and was going mental. I had stayed up all night writing it, and when I went into work, found out that the manager who had approved the topic hadn't gotten VP approval, and now I had to start from scratch on a new, but equally awful and difficult topic that needed to be approved and submitted to the magazine by noon the next day. One of my managers told me, "I hate having to tell you that you'll have to work on this tonight, but you'll need to manage the approvals process, incorprating changes and such tonight so we can meet our deadline." I was nearly in tears in his office, because that night was my husband's birthday dinner and I couldn't miss it and I have spent way too long on this awful thing and and and...

And I'm so glad I'm not there anymore. My new job is awesome. That is all.

Reflections on an anti-climactic last day

Yesterday was my last day at Job2 - the Insurance place. It feels weird... Somehow I don't feel like it's over - probably because my boss wasn't there to say goodbye or anything. I was supposed to go out for lunch with her, but her mom was really sick so she didn't come in to the office. So basically, I cleaned out my desk and chatted with my colleagues all day. That's it.

I went for lunch with the girls on Thursday, and on Friday the 2 male managers and two of the ladies took me out. But yesterday felt like a normal day, aside from the packing of my stuff. Chatting, bitching, drinking coffee, looking out the window - the usual.



Normally, when people leave the department, they get a card and everyone writes nice things in it. Not so much for me. The 3 girls got me a card, and it was super sweet. But the rest of the department - nada. I guess since my manager was away... still. It bit. Very anti-climactic. I should have made my last day Friday - the day I had my exit interview and farewell lunch with my favourite people.


And the VP hadn't said more than 'hi' to me for the whole 2 weeks after I resigned (well, except to thank me for the cupcakes I brought in one day). I passed her in the hall a few times yesterday and she didn't say a word. Then, last night, I recieved this email:

Daphne,

I cannot believe that I never had a chance to wish you well in your new career move. Boss2 and I had arranged for her to take you to lunch today as a gesture of gratitude for your efforts here. As you know Boss2's mother is gravely ill and she is not at work. I was very busy with meetings and, as you may also know, my EA has gone to hospital and is quite distracted with her own illness at this time. I certainly didn't mean for you to slip out the door without as much as a formal thank-you.

Please accept this as my feeble and, I am hoping, not-too-late note of thanks.

Please let me know that you received this. If I don't hear from you, I'll make a new and different effort.

Scary and Unapproachable VP
Insurance Hell

Better late than? No. Too little, too late. She had two weeks to say "hey, thanks for the past 10 months, and best of luck" but instead chose to ignore me as much as possible. She could have taken two seconds in the hallway yesterday, but didn't. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess.


The bitchy manager of the 'facebook status incident' didn't say a word to me yesterday. I won't miss her. I'm wondering how long I have to wait before I can block her on facebook without her noticing.


So long, Insurance Crap. I worked with some great people (some not so great). On one hand, I learned a lot. On the other hand, I succeeded in learning as little about insurance as possible. I will really miss some of my colleagues, but I'm definitely glad it's over. I'm ready for Job3.


Now, a few days of de-tox and daytime TV!

Update on the "the facebook status incident"

I showed the status to one of the managers who is actually a 'work-friend' of the evil woman's. Even he said 'wow, what a bitch!' when he saw it. He then went in to speak with her about it, and she altered her status slightly so it wasn't *totally* a Daphne-bash.

She then sent me this facebook message:

re: My Status...

Was not referring to you. It was referring to the recruitment process.
~She-bitch

To which I replied:

Glad to hear it. After hearing what you said very loudly to the MarketingManager on Tuesday to the effect of "I never thought she was that great anyway - I won't miss her," I'm sure you can understand why I took it personally.
~Daphne

"Them's fightin' words, Daphne!" said mutual-friend manager.
Damn right. I'm tired of the bullshit, and if I can't say what I think now, after I've already quit, well, when can I?

We haven't spoken since the incident. I don't miss her.

It's like bizarro world

So there's a potential new writer here doing a writing test.

I went on to Facebook, and saw this status update from the bitchiest manager:

She-Bitch is hoping we'll find someone who can actually write!!!!

Thanks so much. I hope you do too. And that he/she then quits because you're a cow.
I've saved a screenshot of that, and plan to take it to my exit interview. Just one more reason that this place is toxic. I almost want to go in and warn that poor guy, in there, writing away, oblivious to the bullshit... for now..


Another weird thing this morning. Ben, one of my old colleagues (one of the former Communicator's Corner here in Insurance Hell, who was unceremoniously laid off in October) messaged me to tell me he was contacted about my job opening - wondering if he was available still! He got an email from HR, and a phonecall! And the message said something like, "funny how things turn out sometimes... but anyway, wondering if you're available." Ben's answer was officially, "no, thank you," but to me he said, "HELL NO!" Why the hell is HR asking Ben to come back? There's no way my boss knew about that - no way in hell. I told the MediaManager about it and he's like, What? I wonder if Boss2 knows??

Bizarro world.

K. Off to mail off my signed offer letter. yay me :P

Everybody loves a Winner

I love the last two weeks at a job after quitting. I'm so relaxed. Two of my managers have absolutely dumped work on me (at Boss2's recommendation to 'suck all the work out of her that you can while she's here') but I just don't care. I'll get to it when I get to it, and there's nothing they can do about it. I'll work on it soon - but for now, I'm busy surfing on Etsy, so please don't interrupt me.

Our VP's EA is recuperating from surgery, and one of my colleagues asked me to go buy a basket and some cellophane to start a care package for her. So, this morning I took a field trip down to Winners (I will miss that when I change jobs) to find a basket. On the way, I found two pairs of really hot shoes and a sexy, Valentine's-y nightie... oh, and a basket, too. I just got paid to shoe shop.

I love the last two weeks.

HR should be booking my exit interview soon. I can't wait for that. There are so many things I feel I need to say - I owe it to those remaining. I need to tell them some of the many ways that this deparment is dysfunctional, for example:

• the Scary & Unapproachable VP (don't even think about walking into her office unannounced!)
• the EA who continually tells us we can't even think about getting pregnant (not that I want to be, but it's the principle that's appalling)
• the uber-bitchy Manager who has no tact and tries to sabotage all new employees
• even the President who routinely belittles people and makes them cry. Seriously. cry.
  
  Something needs to be said, or the next writer is going to be in the same spot, 10 months down the road (provided he/she hasn't been canned by then).

Equal Parts Truth and Bullshit

How 'Bout You?

...Email chain with my colleague.... My bullets are in green.

I’d rather be:

• Sleeping
• Napping
• Trying on shoes
• Playing tetris
• Cleaning out my desk
  
• Drinking alcohol
• Drinking coffee with caffeine in it
• Smokin’ doobies (even though I don't do that)
• Staring into outerspace
  
• Getting a pedicure
• Drinking a smoothie
• Eating a hotdog
• Sitting on a plane, bound for somewhere warm
• Wearing flannel jammies
  
• Watching TV
• Eating pizza
• Travelling anywhere but here
• Sitting in front of the fireplace with my favourite book
• Hanging out with my puppydog
• Cooking something wonderful while drinking a glass of red wine.
  
• Drinking the rest of your bottle of red wine
• Learning to play my piano
• Winning the lottery
• Daydreaming (oh, wait, I already am!)
• Watching cartoons
• Eating one of the Skinny Cow fudgesicles in my freezer
  
• Driving a mini cooper out in the country
• Sitting in a hot tub (wine mandatory here too)
• Laying on the beach
• Buying a new couch for my basement
• Winning the lottery. twice.
• Driving home. Enjoying the dinner that my guy makes for me tonight, but unfortunately he can’t cook so that will never happen but I can dream can’t I? aaaaaaah yes that’s what I’m doing too.
  
• Riding shotgun in your mini (I’m a great navigator)
• Dancing to some Prince
• Not working
• Writing about something other than insurance
• Learning new photoshop skills
• Going back in time to the 1940s so I can steal some awesome clothes and purses
  
• Daphne navigating while I drive my mini
• Dancing to Madonna
• Working even less than Daphne
• Not writing about anything at all ever.
• Learning some new photoshop skills
• Going back in time before Job2. Anytime is fine.
  
• Learning how to cook delicious Indian food
• Better still, eating my mother-in-law’s delicious Indian food
• Sitting on my front porch way in the future, reminiscing about that sweet corner office while avoiding mention of the job entirely
• Watching Audrey Hepburn movies
• Pursuing my longtime dream of being a broadway star
• Eating fruit loops
  
• Enjoying my house without my mother in it.
• Eating Daphne's delicious Indian food.
• Baking more, eating what I bake and not gaining weight
• Wishing for a snowstorm so bad, I can’t come to work until Spring
• Eating more rice krispie squares
• Enjoying wine. Have I said that enough? I don’t think so.
• Downloading every application on Facebook until my profile crashes.
  
• Redecorating my colleague's home with doilies and figurines while she’s sleeping – and blaming it on her man, just for fun
• Figuring out how many licks it takes to get to the centre of the toostie pop
• Watching re-runs of 80s sitcoms
• Eating brie on baguette (coupled with a glass of wine, of course)
• Buying more shoes
  
• Packing my mom’s junk
• Throwing out knicknacks from knickknack hell
• Eating lardballs and never having to say I’m sorry.
• Losing it like the co-pilot on the Air Canada flight over Ireland
• Travelling to Ireland, but not on Air Canada
• Daydreaming about witty things to add to this list
• Never having writer’s block while trying to write something witty for this list of things I’d rather be doing.
• To be able to dictate this list and not actually write it myself.

Aftermath

I said before that I wonder if being hired with 3 others was a positive thing for me or negative. On the positive, I had 'allies', so to speak. On the negative, I was lumped in and probably didn't try as hard as I would have if it were me alone.

I think today I saw what my career at Job2 could be, and it's not all bad. I've never had more people come in to see how I am - ever- and just to talk to me as a peer. All of a sudden, I feel respected as I definitely have not been before. People see me as a survivor, or, as Job1'sPresident said, I'm a 'go-forward employee'. I think this is really my time to grow and prove myself - If I want to.

Was I so dissatisfied before because I was underutilized, under stimulated, and simply unhappy with the managers versus the 'new writers' atmosphere? Probably that played a big role. I certainly don't like the insurance industry any more today than I did yesterday morning, but I think I can certainly be be more content with things as they are now.

I do feel terrible that my success and satisfaction had to come at the expense of three very good people's jobs. I don't know to what extent their firings were 'out of Boss2's hands' and how much hinged on their actual ability in the job. I never really saw their work so I can't judge that, nor would I want to. But even MediaMan today told me that they simply weren't getting it. I don't know exactly what he meant by that, but the opposite was implied; I do get it, apparently. I hope that's true, because I don't wish the team any ill. I don't want them to find they've made the wrong choice and that they should have kept Ben or whoever.

I'm seeing this as an opportunity to start fresh. Old habits I had that were products of both my apathy and the foursome mentality are now wiped clean. I am now Daphne the Communications Officer instead of "One of the new writers."

The only issue remaining is whether I really want this job. And I suppose that remains to be seen.

Broken Record

Ok, so at the end of the day today, I was told that of the four communications officers, I'm the only one with a job tomorrow. Our new President took over today and there were budget changes and shifts and such, and my VP pulled me into her office to tell me what was going on, while the other 3 I share(d) an office with cleaned out their desks.

HOLY SHIT.

Of the four of us, I like my job the least, I waste a LOT of time, and I need my job the least. I mean, Ben just told us his wife is pregnant! My manager & VP apparently had no choice though - it came from the top down - they had to pick one of four. I just can't believe I still have a job.

My manager said she knows I haven't been happy in my job (doesn't take a genius to figure that out - just ask me) and she really wants to work through that with me - as she thinks I have the talent and ability they want, and the personality 'fit' is there, too. And she doesn't want to have "shot herself in the foot and wind up with no communications officers at all." So, looks like I can't quit now... crap.I'm really getting tired of having jobs where this happens. That's two in a row where there's been a re-org 6-7 months after I started.

Will I ever have a job where there isn't a re-org at my 6 month mark? Do I just have terrible luck or am I drawn to these jobs? It's getting a little tiring, honestly. I spend my first 6 months learning what the heck I'm supposed to be doing and then everything changes so dramatically. Not only that, but this is twice in a row that I'm a 'survivor' whether I like it or not. Do I just have 'resilient' written on my face? Because I truly question if I'm really that talented. I'm fine at what I do, but I'm certainly not a model employee in terms of either work ethic or demeanor. I've been told straight out that I'm 'cavalier'. I make it known when I'm unhappy or when I disagree with something - and I do both of these things frequently.

So, why was I chosen to stay over three other extremely talented people, who, from my view, are capable, willing, and truly need the job more than I do? I mean, Ben does anything he's asked to do without question, without talking back or grumbling, and from what I can see, he never procrastinates. I spend so much time on Wikipedia, I should totally be called out on it.

I am Peter Gibbons.

You're laying off Samir and Michael, and you're promoting me? So here's the challenge: As of tomorrow, I have a totally new job. Well, not totally - just more of it, I guess. And do I want it? Boss2 acknowledged that I haven't been happy in my job. It's well known (it wouldn't take a super sleuth to figure it out - all you have to do is ask me). So, now what? I don't hate the people at Job2 and I don't want Boss2 to be left without a communicator. But, can I actually be happy there? If I really work at it, can I apply myself, suck it up and be happy? I just don't know.

This should have, from the view of my managers, served as a wake up call for me. Work hard and quit being the cog, the fly in the ointment, or we'll do the same to you. But I know they're not like that. Boss2 was visibly upset. She didn't want this. So, as she said, maybe this puts me in a better bargaining position?

I guess I really need to decide why I'm unhappy and see if I can use this opportunity to fix it so I have a job I actually like. If that's even possible.

One year later
Same position
Different job.

During a "Strategic Planning" Meeting

We had an apparently useless 'strategic planning' meeting this morning. Basically (as we found out later), we were held hostage in a room while one of the managers was being fired. Classy. Anyway, during the meeting, I wrote this...

Things I'd rather be doing:

• eating breakfast
• making pancakes
• brewing good coffee
• blogging
• watching a movie
• meeting a friend for lunch
• browsing in Shopper's Drug Mart
• Taking an online tutorial
• Reading Freakonomics
• drinking a cappuccino at Starbucks
• not talking about Insurance
• planning a dinner for friends
• getting a pedicure
• listening to Ella
• traveling to foreign places

Commute

Standing on the subway during my morning commute allows me time to think. When I am lucky enough to get a seat, I tend to zone out, but when I stand, I’m forced to pay attention so I don’t fall asleep – or just fall.

As I watched the other passengers sway with the monotonous movement of the train this morning, I began to wonder about their lives. How many of these nine-to-fivers are eager to start the workday that awaits them at the end of their commute? How many enjoy what they do? Conversely, how many are dreading getting off the train, knowing that they’re a twenty minute ride away from a long, grueling, or simply unfulfilling stint at their faux wood desks, bathed in fluorescent lighting with only weak coffee keeping them awake?

Yes, you've guessed it correctly - I'm in the latter group.

And I’ll bet my Swingline stapler and stash of Post-it Notes that I’m not alone here. I bet if I were to take a poll, I’d find that the majority would answer “fine” when asked how they expect their day will be. And they’d probably only answer “fine” because they were being polite to the suspected crazy girl asking them random questions at 7:45 a.m. on a Thursday.

Is that enough? Is “fine” what we all hoped for when we dreamed of how our adult jobs would be? I can only speak for myself (because, of course, I did not actually survey my fellow subway passengers this morning), but I think we all wanted something more than “fine” when we imagined how we’d spend a third of every day from our mid-twenties onward.

Maybe the dreary weather is getting to me, or maybe this particular Thursday is so depressing because I just don't want to spend eight hours of fine every day of my life. What's worse is that if it's fine at best, bad days are decidedly less than fine. I find this really sad.

So, the question is, what can we actually do about it? Will we even do anything, or will we continue to drag ourselves out of bed each morning, throw on the office-appropriate clothes and force ourselves into our morning routines each and every day until we die - or we save up enough money that we can retire comfortably.

It's a sad, sad state that so many talented people my age are dreaming of retiring. THIRTY years before we can realistically expect to do so.

Email chain with a fellow 'checked-out-er'

Hey Birk, How's it going?
It's been a while, just thought I'd see what's up with you. How's the job - still not loving it? I'm at that point too. It sucks - after 4 months realizing that as much as it's a fantastic job on paper, I don't actually enjoy anything I'm doing. Blargh.
I'm thinking of exploring my freelancing options - I seriously question if I'll ever truly like a 9-5, Monday to Friday job, or if I'll always be 'meh' about what I'm doing and wish I was somewhere else.
I miss commiserating about how much our jobs suck :)
Alrighty, I guess I should work, since they've been paying me for 20 minutes already. (I'd rather be surfing Wikipedia...)
Daphne

Hey Daphne,
The job's getting better now that I have work to do – what a concept, but still can't say "I'm lovin' it" ™ - actually trying to line up a freelance gig so hopefully that will fall into place next month.
I think I've come to the conclusion I'm not cut out for the corporate world – so hopefully the freelance thing will work out – something about the commute to work and sitting in a cube farm that just sucks the life and creativity out of me – although I find myself day-dreaming quite a bit lately vacantly staring at the monitor.
Talk to you soon,
Birk

Wow, reading your email was like reading my own mind. Weird. Right before the blue Gmail envelope lit up saying I got an email from you, I was staring blankly out the window, wishing I was doing something creative in a coffee shop instead of the b.o.r.i.n.g. work I should be doing. I have lots to do, but I don't enjoy any of it. And after 10 people have reviewed, edited, and cut crap from whatever I've written, effectively sucking everything that was Daphne from it, I'm not proud of my work.
So why am I here? No idea. I actually have a call about a potential freelance gig set up for Thursday morning. I'm trying to develop my exit strategy from Job2 before the insurance industry completely sucks me dry.
If we banded together all the disgruntled, underutilized and unimpressed 20somethings we know, we'd be an unstoppable team. Or, at the very least, we'd drink a lot and have a much better time :)
~Daphne

I'm glad to know others feel the same way… hmm perhaps we should write a book on surviving your 20's in the corporate world…we're pro's with exit strategies.
I can relate to your frustrations as well – we should do coffee.
Well, I should start packing my desk – it's moving day. I'm actually getting a real office with a door and window…yippie!!!
Birk

We're totally in the same boat. Is it just us... or is pretty much every 20something malcontent with their job? sigh. Next week for coffee? I'm free any day, as far as I know.
Congrats on the real office :) My office is pretty sweet... but I'd still rather be anywhere but here. Should I be wanting to goof off this much? Probably not, it's not healthy.
Ciao
~Daph

On Hating the Guy Who Loves His Job

One of my colleagues is really pissing me off. I'm not sure why he's wearing on my nerves so much...

Perhaps it's because I'm at the realization that I seriously don't like my job, and he doesn't seen fazed by anything. Every new project that lands on my lap pisses me off and stresses me out to the point that I don't want to do it and I put if off. He workes like a machine all the time - nothing seems to affect him. It drives me nuts. I'm a basket case and am incredibly unhappy each time I step out of the elevator on the 24th floor. I don't look forward to any projects - they all feel like "work" - tedious, aggrevating work. He does whatever comes to him without quibbling, without complaining, and without procrastinating. He actually seems to enjoy it and gets a sense of accomplishment out of what he's done. And I resent him for it deeply. I shouldn't, but I envy his committment and the fact that he seems to generally enjoy his job while I feel more and more checked out each day. I keep hoping someone else will do my work for me so I don't have to - and that's not good.

My husband last night, upon seeing the growly look on my face when I mentioned a project i'm working on, said "quit your job - it's all mindgames, and it's not right for you. We don't really need the money, anyway". Don't tempt me, my dear. I just might. I hate being unhappy.

Things I actually miss about my old job (I don't miss the company, just some aspects of my job):

• having creative input
• doing anything creative at all - newsletters, creative writing, the minimal graphic design I had the opportunity to do
• working with a marketing team
• being an 'expert' - people took me seriously, and asked my input - and I actually GAVE input!

So, I think the moral of the story is that I miss being creative. This horribly boring industry sucks the life out of me - and I'm a lively, life-loving person, normally.

I'm becoming more and more 'grey' each day I'm here. And I'm getting pimples like a teenager - must be stress.

I've been here 4 months - my so-called probation is supposedly up at the end of 6 months, but my boss alluded that she could extend our probation after that if we haven't shown enough 'improvement'. I won't even get into how much that pisses me off. Condescending ****.....

Perhaps I should plan to phase out the office job at the end of my probation. Put in 6 months at the serious desk job just to say I did it, and then go freelance. That's not so bad on a resume, is it? Do I care, even if it is? I don't want to lose my joie de vivre here, like I had by the end of the last job.

Okay, so maybe 2 months isn't bad. Finish off some big projects here and then get the hell out and become Daphne again, instead of Office Drone.

Asking the Serious Questions

Every bit of life I had infused into an article was just effectively sucked out of it by our editor.

Why am I even writing here? If everything I write is going to be 'edited' (read: rewritten), then why do I even bother writing it? Why not just hand my outline over to the editor and let her write it the way she wants it? It would certainly save a lot of time and effort.

A favourite phrase here is "don't reinvent the wheel" - if we've done something similar in the past, use it. However, even if I take text directly from a press release we've done before or from another document - it STILL gets edited!!

I can't win. Writing mindless, lifeless corporate vomit makes my brain turn to pudding. But writing something good - really *writing* - and having it ripped to pieces and transformed into something that would taste like cardboard is worse. It's not even a 'lesser of the evils' thing. No matter what I do, it gets changed to the point that it's unrecognizable as being created by Daphne.

If this isn't the right place for me, tell me: where should I be?

Now I'm off to a meeting with my editor to learn, three months too late, what they actually expect of us in the way of writing style, tips, and audience. Great idea. Let's let the newbies fumble through for three months writing what we consider crap, and THEN tell them what we want from them. That will give us a great opportunity to pick at them and grind them down into corporate drones before we finally give them some pointers. That's much more fun.

Daphne draws parallels between working and dating... and doesn't like the conclusions

I think insurance sucks my soul. The longer I work in this industry (and it really hasn't been that long) the less energy I have. I think my braincells are deteriorating, too.

I think the solution to this is doing more freelance work. I say "more" as though I do any right now at all, which I don't. At any rate, I emailed my old colleague asking for some tips on how to freelance, and she wrote back with about a million. She even offered to pass along any opportunites to me that she doesn't have time for herself.

Now, I just need to get motivated to do it. I think part of my problem is that I have a short attention span. I get excited about something, and then I"m just over it. It no longer piques my interest, and I move on to something else.

But maybe this is all just a result of ho freaking boring insurance is. Maybe if I was doing something that required a little more creativity, I'd be happier. I liked working so closely with the graphic designer and marketing team in my last job (not to imply that my last job didn't suck, because it did). I almost miss doing all of those HTML newsletters - simply because I had some input on how they turned out.

Maybe on the pendulum of communications jobs I've just moved from one extreme on the scale to another. I went from being the only person in my role, which meant I couldn't learn from anyone but had all the creative license in the world - to being one of many, where I can learn from many people, but have absolutely no say on what I'm doing.

I used to look at my dating record as a giant list in progress of what I don't want in life. Each failed relationship taught me something about myself, and about what I don't want in a mate. When a relationship ended, I simply added something else to my 'never again' list, and moved on. It was productive, and narrowed down the field to the perfect person for me - my husband. My strategy, while it may not have been the most direct route, worked.

Maybe I'm now applying the same strategy to my career. I know things I absolutely do not want in my career (I'm learning this every day) through my current and past positions. Eventually, after my "do not want" list is long enough, I will be magically pointed to the perfect opportunity. The most Daphne of all positions, where Daphne can be 100% Daphne and not be edited down to a lesser degree of Daphne-ness.

Great. I 'found' the man of my dreams (read: finally realized that he's the one for me) at 25 1/2 years old, and married him when I was 27. Prior to that, I had about 10 years of dating experience, all the while adding things to my list of least ideal mates.

Does it logically follow that I need 10 years of 'do not like' jobs before I narrow it down to the right one? And will the same be true that I already know the right job for me, but I just don't realize it yet?

Crystal Ball

I wonder if I'll ever have a job where I don't feel like goofing off all the time. Will I ever feel that committed? So committed that I don't just want to do the bare minimum. I've never had a job like that. I've always done what I had to in order to keep up appearances, but I've never really *cared* about what I'm doing.

I like my job - don't get me wrong. As far as jobs go, this one is as good as any I've ever had - better, actually. Still, like with every other job, I'm always trying to find a way out of the stuff I don't want to do.

Will I ever have a job where I actually want to do everything - for a reason other than the paycheck or just to avoid getting fired?

I have often said to myself and others that my dream job is writing freelance - being my own boss. But when I really think about it, I bet I'd put off my own work just as much as I do here. Maybe working 3 days a week or something would be better for me. Maybe I'd feel more motivated to work.... ? Who knows.

Why do I put off writing assignments - when I am a self-professed writer? If it is truly "what I love to do" as I tell everyone it is, then why don't I jump at the chance to do it?

I'm going to make a prediction here:

By the time I'm 35, I bet I'll be looking for a new job, at least part time.

But what? The only thing I can actually see myself loving - without putting it off or trying to avoid it - is baking.

Maybe I really am meant to have my own bakery or cafe or something.

If so, all those years of schooling were certainly time and money well spent.

Back to work.

Cryptic + Ominous = exactly what you want in an email from your boss.

Daphne,
Further to our discussion around your performance review, it is incumbent upon me to remind you of the following: Like all new members of the team, it is important that you use your probationary period to learn about the complexities of the industry and its issues. While the department provides the sources of this information, it is your responsibility to acquire it and integrate this knowledge into a precise writing style. The organization's probationary period accommodates this learning curve and provides all new candidates with an opportunity to demonstrate this acquisition of knowledge and skill. Please heed this reminder as you near the six month mark of your employment.
Thanks,
Scary Boss

What the hell?? This is why my manager frightens me. We never actually had a discussion about my performance review, except for the table I made detailing my projects – and on that she only said good things. So, what the hell is this? "Please heed this reminder"?? Did she send this to all 4 of us, or does she have an issue specifically with me? And WHY?? I am beginning
to not like my job. I hate the constant questioning.

The Joys of Editing

I'm editing a really awful report for someone - it makes my brain hurt. I sent a sentence over to my colleague to let her in on the agony that is this document:

The time for the testing was a one hour period agreed upon before the testing actually occurred.


She replied:

The time for the reading was five minutes which was not anticipated or agreed upon before the reading actually being read.

Well written, my dear. Well written. Now, back to the brain-melting document.