9DPO... and a big temp drop

Well, I made it through day 8 with no cramping or spotting, which is when I got it last month. I'm on day 9 today, and had a big temp drop this morning, which could mean two things: I'm getting my period today / tomorrow, or a fertilized egg is making itself at home in my uterus. I'm betting on scenario 1, but we shall see. I'll take my stupid thermometer to London to temp tomorrow, just to see if it goes back up, but I don't think I'll temp over the holidays otherwise. I don't like the idea of getting up at 6 a.m. on vacation. I don't mind it tomorrow, because I'll be waking up early to fill my mom's stocking anyway. But after that, screw BBT!

So I'm crossing my fingers that I don't get crampy today and I go at least one more day without my period. If I can just get to 10 DPO, I'll know my body could sustain a pregnancy, if I'm lucky enough :)

On a non-pregnancy related note, it's Christmas Eve! Holy crap, when did that happen? It really snuck up on me this year. I just finally started feeling Christmasy on Monday, which is abnormal for me. I think it's because N and I have been really busy and stressed with work, looking at houses, figuring out our finances, and trying to get pregnant. Pretty much since our ill-fated India trip, we've had our minds elsewhere. So it'll be great to just relax for a few days (well, 'relax' with family mayhem all around us, but whatever).

Then, next Tuesday, we're off to Cuba! Can't wait!

Well, off to get some work done. The office is closing at 3, so I should actually be productive for the rest of the day.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Heading into the Holidays

Well, I'm 7DPO. Last month I only made it to 8 DPO and had some cramping, and got my period the next day. Fingers crossed for a longer LP this month!

Provided I don't get my period early, I'll be testing on Christmas morning at my mom's house (which will only be 10 DPO, so I'm expecting a negative). Then, barring no positive test or period, I'll test again on the 29th at 14 DPO. Even if we get a negative this month, I'll count it successful if I at least have a longer LP, meaning that my body *could* sustain a pregnancy.

And the super-exciting thing: We're leaving for Cuba on the 30th! We decided to screw saving money and go away while we can! So the trip will be a celebration either way - if we (fingers crossed) get a big fat positive, we'll be celebrating with virgin cocktails on the beach. If we get a BFN, we'll be ringing in the new year with lots of booze :)

So... I have 8 days to lose 10 pounds before the beach. Not gonna happen, especially over Christmas. Craptacular. My bathing suit definitely does not fit. Crap. So much holiday binging... and it's not even Christmas yet! I'm screwed.

If I was pudgy because I was 3 months pregnant, it would be cute. But pudge due to too many Christmas cookies is not so cute.

I'm sorry, the WHAT-Vag??

I had an ultrasound scheduled for today - abdominal to check on some family history kidney stuff, and pelvic, because my doc. thought she might have felt a cyst during my annual exam.
She did not tell me the pelvic was INTERNAL.

So my temperature shot up this morning. I wake DH up to get a quickie in before I get ready for my 8 a.m. appointment.

I endure 1 full hour of abdominal ultrasound, and then an ultrasound tech comes in to basically train the doctor on pelvic exams. She says to the doctor, "okay, now we'll do the trans-vag..." I'm sorry, the WHAT?? This is when I realize it's an internal exam. I was mortified. I had just had sex 2.5 hours before!

So ya, the two of them poke around in there FOR ANOTHER HOUR, pointing out that I'm ovulating right now (glad I was right - that's the good news) and pointing to some "free fluids" floating around in there, likely related to ovulation (ya... I can guess what that is, and it's indirectly related to ovulation...).

So I'm pissed. First, that they're using me as a training manual for this doctor to poke around in. Second, that this appointment took over 2 hours and I had to head to work covered in ultrasound goo. And most importantly, third, that I had to have this damn ultrasound today of all days, with un-fertility-friendly lube. So now I'm convinced that the poking and prodding (ouch!) and Effing with my PH has wrecked this cycle.

And after all that, I know NOTHING. The technician and doctor were talking to each other the whole time - not to me. So I just heard snippets of things, but they were speaking quietly and I couldn't see the monitor. I think I do have a cyst on my left ovary (because I heard blah blah cystic blah...), but I don't know for sure. And she said a bunch of other scary words (.... endo.... blah blah blah....) but I couldn't hear if she was talking about me in particular, or just people in general.

Pissed. And I feel bruised from the insides out. And I think this month is a write off. Awesome.

Not a good day.

In honour of my 100th post - 100 things about me

(I stole this idea from Kaymee)

1. My real name isn't Daphne - it's a nickname I got at my first highschool job as a baker, because I stood in the kitchen like Daphne from Scooby Doo. I've blogged as Daphne ever since.
2. I love baking - I bake when I'm happy, sad, angry, bored... it always makes me calm.
3. I started my first blog before I went backpacking through Europe. It was my lazy way of writing home without having to write to people personally.
4. I hate talking on the phone, except to my best friend Bev. We can talk for hours.
5. I wish I talked to my brother more than I do.
6. I can't go to Shoppers Drug Mart without buying lipgloss.
7. I have a zillion purses that I never use.
8. I can't stop buying shoes.
9. I'm a natural blonde.
10. I really should shave my legs more often for my husband's sake, but since you can barely see my leg hair, I can't be bothered.
11. My mom's a red head, and I swear, I got my hard-headedness and temper from her.
12. I kept my maiden name, and I struggle with the fact that our child(ren) will have a different name than me. But I don't want to change my name. Most days.
13. I'm one of the lucky few who truly likes their in-laws.
14. I've gotten to know my dad more in the past 6 years than I had my whole life combined.
15. I feel equally at home at my grandparents' house in Saskatchewan as I do in Toronto.
16. I kept my last name because I am so fiercely proud of my dad's family.
17. I don't really speak to anyone on my mom's side. Neither does she.
18. I'm really bad at correspondance.
19. I hate folding laundry.
20. I have terrible finger nails that never grow.
21. I've worn contact lenses since grade 8. I only wear my glasses at home or on weekends.
22. I get migraines every so often.
23. I've faked a migraine on more than one occasion to get a day off work.
24. When I work from home, I mostly watch TV with my email open.
25. I worry that I'll put on weight and always fight with it, like my mom.
26. I wish I knew more of my family heritage.
27. I hate basements. I think my brother jumped out at me one too many times as a child.
28. I hate numbers. I can't remember them (even my phone number), and they bewilder me (just figuring out what to tip on a bill makes me sweat).
29. I am a grammar nut.
30. I love my job, and I love my boss. I think I'm the only person I know who can say that.
31. I've read A Handmaid's Tale and The Princess Bride at least 15 times each.
32. I prefer pesto over tomato sauce 9 times out of 10.
33. I should floss more than I do. But I hate it.
34. I have a short attention span. I'll be gung-ho on something for maybe 2 weeks, then just stop.
35. I can't believe I've been taking pre-natal vitamins for 2 months and haven't missed a day. See #34.
36. I always wanted to eat the Dino Flintstones vitamins when I was a kid.
37. I ran away once - to my best friend's house, 3 crescents over. I got in so much trouble.
38. I was a pain in the ass when I was a kid, and I knew it. My brother was an angel; I drove babysitters away.
39. I lost my virginity at 16 to someone 5 years older than me.
40. I'm the only one of my highschool friend circle who didn't regret their 'first'. We dated for 8 months. He was a good guy.
41. I hate whiney men.
42. Hamlet was my least favourite Shakespearean play, because I just wanted him to make a freaking decision. Either kill Claudius, or don't. Just stop complaining!
43. I love my condo, and am sad that we'll have to move to a house when we get pregnant.
44. At the same time, I'm excited about having a house.
45. I have never mowed a lawn, and don't intend to.
46. I'm very handy. I love building or fixing stuff, and I LOVE power tools.
47. I hate clutter, yet I rarely put things away.
48. I like to wear matching underwear and bras.
49. I love infomercials. I could watch Ron Popeil all day.
50. I love my kitchenaid mixer more than any normal person should love an appliance.
51. I quit my job at Tim Horton's after 7 years there by just walking out 5 minutes into my shift. It just wasn't worth the stress, so I waited for the manager to come in, told her I was leaving, and handed my apron off to the other baker. And then I went to a bridal show with my best friend who was getting married.
52. I don't regret moving to Toronto, but I miss a lot of my girlfriends who still live in London.
53. I could have coffee at any time of day. 3 a.m. espresso? Yes, please!
54. If I hadn't run out of money, I would have never come home from Europe.
55. I now wish my then-boyfriend hadn't come to see me in Rome. I hate that all my memories of Rome are filled with him.
56. I lived with someone (not the Rome boyfriend) for 6 months during University. Looking back, I don't really know why. We hate that guy.
57. I wear far too much black. But it's flattering, so whatever.
58. I've finally come to terms with my pale skin. When I was younger, I tanned. Now, I'm at peace with how bloody white I am.
59. The only time in my life that I had a good tan was the summer I dated the man-whore lifeguard and spent most of my time at the lifeguard cottage. That was a kick-ass summer.
60. I've always wanted to play piano. I have a piano, but that's about as far as it's gotten (see #34).
61. I think I was born in the wrong era. I should have lived in the 40s and 50s.
62. I hate politics. My brain shuts off when The Situation Room is on.
63. I am full of useless facts. I love knowing stupid stuff that will never really come in handy.
64. I think my brother is the coolest guy on the planet.
65. I really used to try to piss my brother off when we were younger, and normally succeeded.
66. I never wanted a sister.
67. I loved being the youngest growing up.
68. I hated babysitting, but did it for a few years.
69. I got my first real job at 15 so I wouldn't have to babysit anymore.
70. I dated a Morman once. It didn't go so well, being that I'm athiest.
71. The only thing I liked about church when I was a kid was that I could sit with Bev. When she stopped going, it sucked.
72. I sang in choir all through school, from kindergarten to University.
73. My stage debut was in kindergarten - We sang "little lamb" at a Christmas concert. I had the solo (the lamb on the hillside) and the rest of the class sang chorus.
74. I remember pretty much every song I ever learned. Even French songs from grade 4.
75. I always have a song in my head - even if it's just a commercial. It's often something I don't particularly like.
76. I can't keep plants alive. This worries me, being that I'm on a quest to become a mother.
77. Motherhood scares the hell out of me... and excites me.
78. I don't want to become my mother, and I think the fear of becoming her is why I never wanted kids until now.
79. There are so many places I still want to travel to. I want to see the world - not just from a lounge chair.
80. I wish I was more active than I am. I'm just not motivated.
81. I can make conversation with pretty well anyone.
82. I hate talking to strangers in the elevator or on a plane... but I can, if I must.
83. I can't eat or even smell oatmeal without gagging. I had a bad experience in grade 1 that I just never got over.
84. I remember throwing up on the floor of Canadian Tire while my mom talked to a sales person about a bike for me. I felt terrible, but I didn't want to bug her because if I pissed her off, I thought she wouldn't buy me the bike. Then I threw up on the floor. She bought me the bike still, but not that day.
85. I loved having the chickenpox when I was a kid. We have a picture of me and my brother covered in calamine lotion - he looked surly, I was in heaven.
86. I've always felt younger than than I am - like I was always a little behind my friends, somehow. I think it's because I was a December baby. Some of my friends were almost a year older than I was.
87. I still have my baby blanket on my pillow at my mom's house. I'm not ashamed of this.
88. I hate the sight of blood. I passed out *before* giving blood at a highschool donor clinic.
89. I'm curious about really obscure things. Like, were people really rested in the winter in the times before electricity? Did they go to bed when it got dark?
90. I can't turn my brain off during sex. I find myself thinking really about really bizarre things and have to bring myself back to the moment.
91. I miss having pets. I hope to convince my husband someday to get a cat.
92. I never really grew out of rainbows and Santa and jumping in puddles.
93. I don't really feel like an adult, and I wonder if my parents, at my age, felt like adults. Probably not.
94. I don't let my husband read my blog, and I normally blog when he's not around. He hates that, but if he read it, how could I blog about him?
95. I'm normally in bed by 10:30 or 11 these days. I used to stay up late, but now I find it's just not worth it. I'm getting old.
96. I was always a bit of a shit disturber in school, but at the same time, I was kind of a teachers' pet. I'm a dichotomy.
97. I'm a sagittarius, and really do embody most of the sagittarian traits.
98. I think I had a past life where I lived in South Carolina. We went there when I was a kid, and visited a plantation. I knew the layout of the house before we were shown things. It freaked my mom out. But I just knew, somehow.
99. I'm hypoglycemic, and have passed out at various times throughout my life. One of those times was at that plantation.
100. I can't believe I actually just made it to 100 without getting bored and giving up (see #34).

Back on the Baby-Making Train

Well, it's cycle 2, and I think I'm on the verge of ovulating. My chart looks *exactly* like last month's only a little shorter - last month my follicular phase (after period, before O) was long, but I think that was b/c I was just off the pill. This month, it's exactly the same, minus a few extra days. So... it's day 14, and I think I'm going to O tomorrow. Woo!

I picked up some Pre-Seed today after work - it's a fertility-friendly lube. After alll the forced and rushed sex last month, we figured it's worth the 34.99 for 6 pouches (holy shit!!!) to at least enjoy ourselves this month.

I have to say though, month 2 isn't as exciting as month 1 was. Not that I want to make a baby any less, but I'm less excited to read everything and anything about pregnancy, and I'm less anxious, and I'm less excited to tell people we're trying. Last month was brutal - I wanted to tell everyone that I've jumped off the no-baby boat, and landed on the baby-making train. I felt like I needed to shout it from the rooftops - like we had news, even though it wasn't really news.

This month has been more normal. Maybe it's because we're a little stressed over finances, so that's keeping us occupied. We're looking at houses, and it's absolutely nuts. We love our neighbourhood, but the small bungalos start at 500,000. To get anything decent with a good number of bedrooms and 2+ bathrooms, you're looking at 850,000. Nonsense. So we're wrestling - do we settle on the house or the area? Do we buy a crappy house in the area we want and want to upsize in a couple of years, or do we buy a great house off the subway line, and give up the lifestyle we love here? This is our dilemma. We don't have to buy for another year, but still. It's top of mind.

Well, DH is on his way home. A pizza is on its way, and we have some baby-making to do. I hope I do ovulate tomorrow - we've got no plans on a Friday/ Saturday for once!

This may be my last caffeinated coffee for a while

On theBump last night, there was some firey controversy over drinking during the 2WW (the two weeks after ovulation, before a preganancy test). I'm glad it wasn't me getting flamed, but I'm glad someone else brought it up.

I know that it's a personal choice, and with practically everything pregnancy-related, no research definitively condones or condemns it. Everything basically says, "no definitive research has be made..." or "there is no known safe level..." or "some studies have shown... but..." or something to that effect.

My first month TTC, I cut out caffeine and alcohol entirely for the whole 30 days, just to be safe. I met with my doctor early in the month, and her advice was to just start living like I was already pregnant - eat well, sleep well, don't drink, etc. Especially since I had just come off the pill and didn't know what would be normal for my cycles, I had no idea when I would ovulate or conceive, if at all, and I didn't need to throw any other variables into the mix. If I did get pregnant and had any complications early on in pregancy, or even 9 months later, I'd want to look back and know I did everything I could to ensure a healthy pregnancy in those early days.

However, I kept reading on theBump, the "drink till it's pink!" mindset, and was almost embarrassed that I was abstaining. It made me feel kind of silly that I was so worried about my "phantom baby" (a term I hate, as I feel it belittles those who are not yet pregnant but are thinking about pregnancy) But at the same time, I just couldn't buy it when people would say "you don't share a bloodstream with the fetus until 6 weeks anyway." I'm not a doctor, but I can't see the logic in this. If the fetus is dependant on you for nourishment from day 1, would they not also be "dependant" on you for toxins - even if it's not directly through your bloodstream?

Anyway, I decided for cycle 2 that I would live 'normally' until I ovulate, and then I'll cut out caffeine, alcohol, and all of the other no-nos (like soft cheeses and my salacylic acid-based pimple cream). Two weeks isn't really that long to wait to see if you're pregnant (though at the time, it does seem like forever), but it's not like I'm some kind of alcoholic who can't abstain from a glass of wine for two weeks. Even if I'm trying to get pregnant for months or even years, I think holding off during those 2 week periods will give me peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can, right from the start.

I know that my choice would get me ridiculed, if not crucified on theBump, but this is my blog, so whatever. I'm on day 10 of my cycle, and I plan to "live like I'm pregnant" as soon as I see signs of ovulation. I'm glad that someone else brought it up on theBump, and that I didn't. And I'm glad I'm not alone. And with that, I'm going to have a full-caf cappuccino, as it may be the last I have for 10 months.

28 and four quarters

So today's my birthday, and I guess it's not that bad. I've decided to turn 28 again this year. When you're 29, everyone thinks you're already 30 but lying about it, which means you have essentially 2 years of being 30 - no thank you. I choose to be 28 for two years, and then maybe next year I'll turn 30.

I have been so anti-birthday this year, which really isn't very Daphne-like. Originally, we were supposed to be in India over my birthday, which I decided meant I didn't have to get older. I told my family I didn't want to celebrate when we got back --> no cake = no birthday = no getting older. Since we're still in the country, I upheld that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday anyway. No dinner with my mom, brother & sister-in-law, no dinner with my dad, and no dinner with my in-laws. (However, I'll break down and go to London on Sunday though to see my mom. I'm feeling a little sappy today... I blame hormones).

I couldn't get out of doing my birthday with my husband, and really, as much as I protested, I'm glad we're going out for dinner tonight. We're going to the Red Violin Brazillian Steakhouse - we've never been there, and it fits in with my theory that everything's better on a stick. As for my birthday present, my husband is the best thing since sliced bread. He got me a DeLonghi cappuccino/coffee maker. I've been drooling over these beautiful machines since our wedding, and have almost bought one dozens of times, but could never quite justify it. Since DH doesn't drink coffee, it would be a splurge just for me. He bought me an even nicer one than I was looking at check it out.

I've drank more coffee, cappuccino and espresso in the last 36 hours than in the last month combined (he let me open it Monday night, since I've been off work this week and he knew I'd want to play with it). I bought some decaf espresso coffee today, since I'm cutting out the caffeine again starting tomorrow, as we jump back on the TTC train.

Today, I treated myself by going to the spa for a manicure & pedicure, and I got my eyelashes tinted too (I'm looking forward to skipping the mascara every now and then - and still having visible eyelashes!). I'll definitely return to this spa. It was beautiful and calm, and it's right on my way home from work so it's really convenient.

So, for the rest of my day, I'm going to get our Christmas decorations in order so we can do the tree tonight.

As much as I didn't want to get older this year, I guess my 28 4/4 birthday hasn't been half bad.

Days Off

Since we canceled our India trip (no regrets at all now, after all that's going on there) I had 13 vacation days I needed to use. I carried 5 over to 2009 to use before March, which left me with 8 random days to use in a month and a half. I took Monday & Tuesday off last week, and this week, I'm off Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday. The remaining 3 days will be used b/t Christmas and New Years.

Last week, I did absolutely nothing with my time off, and it was everything I wanted it to be. I sat at home, watched countless episodes of A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby, cooked, ate, and sat on my couch some more. That's it. And it was wonderful. I was getting pretty burnt out at work, so the time off was really needed. Work was freaking crazy Wednesday, but whatever, it was worth it.

This week, I'm doing more with my time. Today, I'm heading downtown to meet my old office-mate at Insurance Hell, Sandy, for lunch. We're going to the Japanese place we used to go to often - I miss that. I don't miss Insurance Hell at all (hooray for The Publisher: The best workplace in the world!) but I miss Sandy, and I miss our lunches. So I'm looking forward to that.

Tomorrow, I'm heading downtown again to meet my sister-in-law and her cousin (-in-law, I guess, since it's her husband's cousin) for some shopping in the afternoon. We're heading to some place where my brother-in-law buys purses for cheap, or something.

Wednesday is my (ugh) 29th birthday, so I'm going to get a manicure/pedicure to try to forget that I'm turning 29. Now that I'm not out of the country, I guess my birthday still has to happen, which really blows.

Ooh, on a birthday positive, I think my wonderful husband may have bought me my long-coveted cappuccino/coffee maker! I can see the box in our foyer, but it's covered in bags so I don't know what it is. It's a big box though! I said I don't want presents (because I want to pretend my birthday didn't happen at all), but I wouldn't say no to the cappuccino maker!

Okay. Off to make some full-caffeine coffee (enjoying it while I have my period, because after that, I'm back to decaf while I TTC) and some breakfast.

*Note: Welcome to any Bump-ers that might be visiting! I finally put a link to my blog in my Bump signature.