Here it is!

Pictures of the inside of the house to follow after the home inspection on Tuesday.

But I took a drive-by on Friday, so here's the front of our new house!

We Bought a House!

We went to see a house last night in the area we've been eyeing, and Nick somehow knew (even before we saw a listing or pictures) that we were going to buy it. Apparently, our realtor knew too, since he brought already-drafted purchasing papers to the showing.

We love it. It's perfect.

The area is so family friendly

• there were a ton of kids outside playing in the evening
• it's a quiet crescent
• there's a park really closeby with a baseball diamond, tennis courts and a playground
• it's walking distance to the elementary school
• there are two Montossoris right in the neighbourhood
• neighbours were out chatting in their driveways

The house is perfect.

• The backyard is beautiful, and comes complete with an interlocking brick patio, a hot tub, a gazebo, a shed, and tons of grass and gardens and room for a play set
• The kitchen is gorgeous, with a $9000 professional gas oven and range hood
• The living/dining rooms have beautiful cherry floors
• Main floor office
• 4 bedrooms upstairs - one of which we may turn into a kick-ass walk-in closet and ensuite bath
• a beautifully done bathroom, that we'll unfortunately have to wreck... they put in an incredible shower, but we'll need a bathtub with kids
• The basement is so well done and has a really cool bar under the stairs, and they threw in their pool table because they have nowhere to move it to in their apartment
• The downstairs guest room and bathroom are spacious
• And there's a laundry chute! How cool is that??

We don't get possession until July 31, which seems forever away, but I'm sure once we have our condo ready for sale and on the market, it'll fly by.

I can't wait to go back to our house and take pictures and start planning out what paint colours we want. And then we can start shopping for baby furniture and a dining room suite!

We bought it at list price, which was totally fair for the neighbourhood and the beauty of the house. And it was well within our price range, so we can't go wrong!

Now we just have to wait for the home inspection (which we expect will be easy since they moved in 5 years ago and have done an impeccable job renovating it). And then it's ours!

Yay for Nick and Daphne! We're homeowners - well, we were before, since we own this condo, and owned the last as well. But now, we get land! And two stories! And room for a barbecue!

I'm sneaky and I'm not ashamed of it.

I called my new OB's office this morning and was talking to the receptionist about my first appointment. She informed me that the doc doesn't see anyone until 12 weeks, as that's when all the testing and such begins. Fine. I understand (though it sucks ass). But I explained to her that my GP thought they'd try to get me in to have a look at my cyst at the same time. The receptionist looked at the schedule, and was able to get me in 10 days earlier. It's not much, but it's good enough for me!

I totally pulled the ovarian cyst card, and I'm not ashamed of it.

Woo! I now have an appointment for the 17th at 2:45 p.m. - which is awesome, because we're planning on telling my Dad the next day at dinner. So I'll know if things are okay by then. Sweet. I was worried about that. I'm uncomfortable as it is telling my mom, brother, sister-in-law, and Nick's whole fam before we even have an appointment. But I was REALLY uncomfortable telling my Dad & Susan. They're great and all, but I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with them knowing if anything goes wrong - they're family, but not 'close' like that.

In non baby-related news, I'm officially a klutz and should stop trying to fix things. I was re-staining parts of our floor on the weekend and got a big sploosh of stain on the back of our cream couches. Awesome. I've now spent the better part of 2 days scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing trying to get the purplish brown bloops out of ultrasuede. It's not fun. I'm normally very handy, but this weekend was just not meant to be the 'fix up the condo' weekend as we had originally planned.

There are currently two plumbers in my master bathroom replacing our shower handle thingy - it's been dripping since we moved in, but now it's really bad and we need to get it fixed if we plan to sell this place and move on up to the suburbs.

I don't know why, but I'm kind of uncomfortable with plumbers my own age. They should be my dad's age, for some reason. Greying hair, beer gut, bifocals, and telling stories of all the crazy plumbing issues they've seen over the years. These guys are like 30. Whatever though. As long as it's fixed.

Well, I'm going to head to the kitchen to eat some saltines. Good times. Then when the guys are gone, I think I'll go shopping to hopfully find some shirts that will hide the spare tire I'm cultivating due to (a) eating crackers constantly to keep the m/s at bay, and (b) the full fat-full sugar stuff I'm eating now that I'm trying to cut out the artificial sweeteners.

I did it!

I managed to get up and pee this morning like a normal person - not on a pregnancy test!! I'm so proud of me.

I still have one test left, and I'm sure I'll use it. I'm just still so worried that I'll wake up and not be pregnant anymore. I don't know what the odds are of miscarrying (I could google it, but I'm worried that the truth will terrify me) but I'm worried. Probably have no reason to be, but I am.

We're going to look at some more houses tomorrow, I think. We went Monday night and saw two that I could see us living in. We're cautious, and don't want to sell our condo and buy a house until 2nd Tri (just in case) but we want to know what's on the market, and what neighbourhoods are nice. And really, it's kind of fun :)

28 and four quarters

So today's my birthday, and I guess it's not that bad. I've decided to turn 28 again this year. When you're 29, everyone thinks you're already 30 but lying about it, which means you have essentially 2 years of being 30 - no thank you. I choose to be 28 for two years, and then maybe next year I'll turn 30.

I have been so anti-birthday this year, which really isn't very Daphne-like. Originally, we were supposed to be in India over my birthday, which I decided meant I didn't have to get older. I told my family I didn't want to celebrate when we got back --> no cake = no birthday = no getting older. Since we're still in the country, I upheld that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday anyway. No dinner with my mom, brother & sister-in-law, no dinner with my dad, and no dinner with my in-laws. (However, I'll break down and go to London on Sunday though to see my mom. I'm feeling a little sappy today... I blame hormones).

I couldn't get out of doing my birthday with my husband, and really, as much as I protested, I'm glad we're going out for dinner tonight. We're going to the Red Violin Brazillian Steakhouse - we've never been there, and it fits in with my theory that everything's better on a stick. As for my birthday present, my husband is the best thing since sliced bread. He got me a DeLonghi cappuccino/coffee maker. I've been drooling over these beautiful machines since our wedding, and have almost bought one dozens of times, but could never quite justify it. Since DH doesn't drink coffee, it would be a splurge just for me. He bought me an even nicer one than I was looking at check it out.

I've drank more coffee, cappuccino and espresso in the last 36 hours than in the last month combined (he let me open it Monday night, since I've been off work this week and he knew I'd want to play with it). I bought some decaf espresso coffee today, since I'm cutting out the caffeine again starting tomorrow, as we jump back on the TTC train.

Today, I treated myself by going to the spa for a manicure & pedicure, and I got my eyelashes tinted too (I'm looking forward to skipping the mascara every now and then - and still having visible eyelashes!). I'll definitely return to this spa. It was beautiful and calm, and it's right on my way home from work so it's really convenient.

So, for the rest of my day, I'm going to get our Christmas decorations in order so we can do the tree tonight.

As much as I didn't want to get older this year, I guess my 28 4/4 birthday hasn't been half bad.

A mathematical equasion

I now understand why people say that trying to get pregnant is exhausting and not a lot of fun. You'd think it would be fun, but honestly, take my word on it. I hate being told what to do on a good day - so being told what to do, how to do it and when to do it by every book and 'expert' is really not a good time. We *think* I ovulated on the weekend (though, since I've been on the pill since I was 16, I really don't know what it's like) so we were on a mission.

My husband is so cute. And mathematical. So there's apparently only a 20% chance that I could get pregnant, based on stats. So he figured we needed to up the odds, by 'trying' at least 5 times while I was ovulating, thereby bringing the % to 100. I know it doesn't work like that, but it was cute anyway.

Long story short, I'm second guessing the Ovulation Predictor Kit's results because they don't match with my body temperature chart. But either way, if I was indeed ovulating, we did everything we could to introduce his guys to my girl. It was weird, mechanical, and decidedly unromantic, but there it is.

So now, we wait 2 weeks, which is going to be killer. But at least the sex will be normal again during this 2 weeks!

My, how things have changed

Okay, so now that I've posted that finally, it's time for an update.

From that discussion, things have snowballed (in a good way). I went off the pill for the first time since I was 16 - having no idea what this would do to my body. Some people don't even start ovulating again for months after the pill or take a long time to get into a predictable cycle. So that was step number 1. And I started taking pre-natal vitamins - which thankfully, don't make me feel as gaggy as regular multi-vitamins do.

We've bought a ton of literature on trying to get pregnant, and just had to wait to see if I'd ovulate. And we started second guessing our trip to India. Is it the right time to go? Should we postpone and try to get my cycle normal instead of traveling? Should we go anyway, and just deal with my potentially raging pms while on vacation? Should we try to conceive now, and risk finding out if I'm pregnant while we're away with his parents halfway around the world?

It's been a couple of weeks of spinning and worrying and reading and figuring out if we can do this now, and trying to convince ourselves that waiting isn't the end of the world. It's not the end of the world - we know that rationally. But tell that to my brain and body. And his, too.

Our tickets to India are bought. The trip is entirely planned out. We're supposed to leave on November 19. But we're canceling today. Here's why - yes, work is nuts - his work is screwed if he goes away, and my boss will go nuts without me right now. But that's not really it. We found out that if we're trying to concieve (TTC), we can't take the malaria tablets we need to go on our trip - they increase the risk of a lot of things, including stillbirths. And if we did go and took the tablets, we'd have to wait 3 months after we go off the tablets before trying again. We hummed and hah'd, and today, we're canceling our tickets. My in-laws think it's because of my husband's work, and just don't understand why he can't tell them "too bad". They're disappointed we're not coming with them. When we find out we're pregnant and are ready to tell them, we'll tell them the real reason we canceled our tickets and I'm sure they'll understand.

So.... we've started tracking my basel body temperature - this helps you pinpoint when you ovulate, and therefore your most fertile time of month. And we bought an ovulation predictor kit (a pee-on-a-stick thing). And long story short, I found out this morning that within the next 24 hours, I think I'm ovulating - my first cycle off the pill. I'm ovulating. So I woke my husband up and told him to brush his teeth and get back to bed. We're having my best friend and her mom stay with us this weekend (they came this morning, will be out all day, but will be back later) so our window of opportunity is small.

So today was the first time in my life that I had sex with the intention of getting pregnant, instead of being fearful that I could get pregnant. It was bizarre. So that settled it - we're not going. We won't be able to take a pregnancy test until the day we should be leaving for India, so we're not going.

And now... we'll 'try' again a few more times over the next 12 hours (when Bev and her mom are out) just to up our chances, and we wait.

The probability is small - only 20% chance that we'll concieve, but wow, would that ever be exciting!

So now I have to wait 2 weeks - a little less if I try one of the early prediction kits, but it still seems like AGES away.

tick tock tick tock

I can't believe how quickly and easily everything in my life has changed.

Turning Over A New Leaf

I haven't blogged in ages, but I'm going to try to get more regular about it. I started writing a blog post a few weeks ago but never finished, so I'm going to post it now unfinished, and then just move on from there.

Started October 20:

I’ve been doing a lot of unexpected soul searching over the last few months, and I’m pretty weirded out by it all. I’ve always been in the “no kids” camp – in fact, I’ve been camp counsellor all my life. I could never picture myself with kids, never wanted that kind of responsibility, and while I liked other people’s kids (to a certain degree – just as I like other people’s dogs: nice to pet in the elevator, but I wouldn’t want to have to walk them every day and for the love of god, can’t you get that thing to stop barking??), I wouldn’t miss them if they weren’t there. In contrast, I have friends who have heard their biological clocks ticking since they were teenagers, and have looked forward to becoming a mother for as long as they could remember. I never thought I had a biological clock – and was perfectly happy with that.

My no-baby policy has always been a bit of a sore spot with my husband and I. I was upfront with him, and he agreed that we certainly have to be on the same page, and if I say ‘no way’, there’s not much he can do about it. But I told him I’d be open-minded, and nothing is set in stone. I knew how much he wanted kids and how much he hoped I’d change my mind, but still, I didn’t ever see it happening.

Then, something weird happened. In June, I attended a funeral for my best friend Bev’s grandma, and the family said such wonderful things about her – how she had passed her values down from generation to generation, how she would live on through the many people she had touched over the years, how proud her children are to see something of her in their children. And for the first time in my life, for a brief moment, I thought about my own life and what it would be like if I became a mom.

Just as quickly, I pushed the thought out of my head because, jeez, that’s nuts! However, over the months, I had more and more thoughts of what it would be like… mostly, I had these thoughts when I was with my brother & his son. NEVER when I was with my husband’s side – the kids are nuts, and the parents have no lives. Not something to aspire to - I'm a firm believer that a couple has to remain a couple, even after kids. If they become nothing more than parents (the marriage was given up for parenthood) there's nothing holding you together later. That's just my two cents - call me a hopeless romantic, but that's what I think.

Anyway, from the occasional 'what if' I've progressed very quickly to the "I want to get pregnant". It's freaking crazy, but it's all I can think about. I guess I did always have a biological clock, but it was dormant or something. I think a lot of it has to do with how solid my marriage is and how great my work is - so very baby-friendly.
So one night, my husband was rambling on about his day and how nuts work is and how they were asking him to cancel our trip to India later this month. He stops and looks at me, and says, "you're stressing about this, aren't you?" I replied, "I can't stop thinking about babies". I think he almost choked.

On thanksgiving weekend, we discussed the possibility of kids years away, and were both cool with it. But now, I want it now and there's nothing that will make it go away. I can't even explain it, but it's like an urgency I've never known. I'm anxious to get on with my life. I feel like we're wasting time - whereas not even a month ago, I couldn't fathom even thinking about a baby for years.

And not once was I told "Remember, you're still on probation!"

So yesterday marked the end of my 6 month probation at the Publisher - yay me! I can't get fired without notice anymore! Not that there was any threat of that here, really. Working in a really functional and fair HR team has its perks.

I went for 2 hour lunch with my boss yesterday to commemorate the end of my probation and to discuss my career path, bring up any issues, etc. and basically, everything's awesome. She asked what 's going well - I said, "my job." She asked what she can do differently or more/less of to be a better manager for me (!) and I said, "let's just keep doing what we're doing." I asked if she's had any feedback on me - positive or negative - that I could use constructively and she said, "I've heard nothing but postive about you - and I try to always pass that along when I hear it."

This place was made for me. It's freaking me out... in a really good way.

So now, I'm going to go see if she wants to get a coffee - just because she's great.

This is by no means my first 'adult' job, but it's certainly the first time I've felt like an adult at a job. I'm not faking it, hoping nobody will notice. I'm not doing the bare minimum because I know I'll want to jump soon. I'm not just getting what I can out of it in order to build my portfolio. I'm actually looking at this job as a CAREER. That's both scary and comforting... it's a weird mix, but it works for me (being the dichotomy that I am).

The affliction of the smug married couple

We're officially that couple. The one that can't just be content with their own happiness - they have to try to make everyone around them as happy as they are by trying to forge couples out of their single friends.

We just can't help it. We're smug marrieds. This is what we do... apparently.

On Saturday, we had our friend Jules over for dinner. She was in our wedding party (technically as a groomsmaid, as she's really my husband's friend, though I've known her since highschool too). The whole purpose of her trip to Toronto (she's back living in London, after a few years spent living here post-university) was to meet our other friend, Sam. Sam is part family, part friend, actually - he's my husband's sister's husband's brother. Right, that sounds more convoluted than it really is. My brother-in-law's brother. He's a good guy, though a bit of a pain in the ass when it comes to stirring up family controversy, but that's beside the point. Anyway, he has told us on more than one occasion that he just wants to meet "a good person." She doesn't have to be gorgeous or a genius, or anything - just as long as she's a good person and in the same stage of life as him. Even his parents have appealed to us, saying "she doesn't even have to be Indian" (this used to be a really big deal for them) "she just has to be nice." Sam's about 8 months shy of hitting the big 4-0, and the family is getting a little panicked. He's getting old, he's pretty overweight, and he needs to find a girl, get married, and have babies before his parents explode. He's made it quite clear that he just wants to meet someone nice and get married already.

So, we thought and thought about who we could introduce Sam to, and the only person we could come up with was Jules - who is also pretty overweight, not a pretty girl, but sweet, thoughtful, and a very good person, and who, at 30, has never been on a date before. At 30. Never.

We thought about this nearly 2 years ago at our engagement party, but never did anything with it. Sam's parents are pretty much the devil incarnate and spend their days trying to make my sister-in-law feel inadequate in some way or other (yes, the doctor. The one who married their other son 6 years ago, has given them 2 beautiful granddaughters and has another baby on the way. The one who pays for them to come on their family vacations. The perpetually inadequate daughter-in-law...?). They're really negative people, and once told my other sister-in-law that she could do better than her Italian fiance - she could marry a nice Indian boy. She never said anything like that to us - but mostly they just don't talk to me. I prefer that, actually.

Did we want to throw Jules to the wolves like that? Sweet, naive Jules? Well, in the end, we decided it was worth it. Sam has always been their favourite son and they're very open about that, so whoever he's with will be able to do no wrong. And really, Jules' family is pretty effed up too, and we don't fault her for it. And Jules has finally realized that all of her friends are married, and the "BFF" friendships she's had since highschool are evolving beyond her control because of it. She's just as desperate as he is to just meet someone already.

So, we asked her, she said great. We asked him, he said great. They remembered each other (so theoretically, the physical wasn't really an issue) and added each other to Facebook, and we set up a double dinner date at our house.

They came over, we cooked while they visited, and he stayed until 2 a.m. They talked all night - lots in common, no shortage of conversation, and considering how shy she normally is, they had a great time, we think. We know Jules is interested (she stayed at our place that night, so we chatted) but we have no idea what his headspace is.

And honestly, it's killing us not knowing.

My husband really wants to call him to get the scoop. He HAS to know what Sam thought about Jules. I told him it's just not our place. We did everything we should do, and now we're done. We'll see him on Saturday in London anyway, as my sister-in-law is having us all over for a family birthday barbecue. He may or may not say something then - but we just need to butt out. The ball is in their court - if they want it, that is.

I have a feeling though, that my husband won't be able to leave well enough alone. He won't be able to resist from meddling, I just know it.

Luckily, our foray into the realm of smug married matchmakers was short-lived. Jules is our only single girl friend. All my friends are either married with babies, or in serious relationships at the least. All of his friends are boys... and single. Nothing we can do for them - they'll just have to fend for themselves, I guess.

I hope things work for Sam & Jules - I hope he's interested, since I know she is. They'd probably be good for each other, and on paper at least, they are exactly what the other person is looking for. Two good people, just looking for another good person who will look past his/her flaws. But, as good as we are at throwing a blind-date dinner party, we just can't gauge chemistry between two people.

Here's hoping. But either way, we've done what we set out to do: Jules has had her first date ever... at 30 years old. Sam and his parents will get off our backs.

And we can go back to just being smug marrieds.

Top of mind

I woke up from a really disturbing dream, and I've been feeling a little 'off' all day.

I had a baby, and apparently I had been ignoring the fact that I was pregnant- I just wouldn't admit it. So here I am with this newborn t hinking, oh crap! I have to get a car seat or something, don't I? Maybe I should read a book on this or something! I was completely blindsided by it all - since I had been ignoring the fact for 9 months, it was really like waking up tomorrow and being surprised by parenthood.

I am throroughly freaked out and counting down the days until I find out that I'm definitely not pregnant.

I don't think I've ever blogged about this before, and I don't think I'll really get into it right now, but the kids issue is a big one between my husband and I - especially since we've passed the one year of marriage mark. I've always been up front about the fact that I don't ever see myself with kids - you never know, things may change years and years down the road, but I really haven't ever seen myself as Mom material. I'm a great aunt. That's all. I can't even keep plants alive and I'm incredibly selfish. That's just who I am.

My husband says he'd like kids, but not anytime soon, for sure. But we've agreed to not even think about it now - we say "we'll talk when we're in our 30s" - but for me, that means there is still a very good chance that we'll talk and I'll say, "nope, not gonna happen" and we move on. For him, he's hoping we'll talk about WHEN to have kids, and hopefully not IF. Still though, he knows and respects that in the end it's my decision, so if I say no, that's that.

We don't tell his family that I'm anti-parenthood. That would make me the worst daughter-in-law of all time, telling them that their only son will not procreate so the family name will live on. We just tell them, when asked about kids, "oh, we're way to young for that. We're not even talking about it for years." If we do decide that it's never going to happen, I think it would be best to tell his family either that we just can't have kids (I have not problem being 'barren') or that it just never happened, so it wasn't meant to be.
My family has always known that I don't see it in my cards at all. I've asked my family to just not talk about it with his family.

Anyway, we're on the same page for the time being. No kids now, for damn sure. We're birth-control-aholics. And if I was to get pregnant now, we're united on what we'd do there, and the solution wouldn't be a mini-me or mini-him running around.

Either way, this dream really freaked me out and I've been feeling anxious and weird all morning. I feel like I could throw up - which makes me even more anxious and weird.

I don't really feel like writing, but then, I'm at work and I don't really feel like working either. Hence, a short post.

I'm leaving the office at 3 today so I can get downtown for a 5:00 train. My best friend Bev's grandma died on Sunday, so I'm heading to London for the visitation tonight & funeral tomorrow. I knew her almost as well as I know/knew my own grandmas, so it's been a sad couple of days. For Bev's wedding, she was living out of town at the time, so it was me and Bev's mom over at her grandma's house cutting and wrapping endless pieces of fruitcake. Her grandma was really the nicest lady, and she'll be missed a lot.

What's even sadder is that Grandma G has been taking care of Poppy (Bev's grandpa) for the last year or so, since he's been even sicker than she is. So we all know it's just a matter of time before he just lets go, and I'll be back to London for the second funeral.

I was a bit of a wreck on Monday at work - I just found out about Grandma G late Sunday night, and was a total mess. I don't think my husband's ever really seen me cry (crying during movies doesn't count) and he didn't know what to do with me, especially since she's not even my grandma. But she might as well be my grandma, and it makes it even harder knowing my that my grandma in Saskatchewan isn't well either and it could very easily have been her funeral I'm attending.

Today I'm okay, but I know I'll be a mess when I see Bev tonight at the funeral home. Even though I know the last month has been really awful for Grandma G and she's been in a lot of pain, it just doesn't make it any easier. Bev and I are like sisters - I've known her since we started being baby sat together when I was 6 months old. Our brothers are best friends and her brother participated as one of my 'brothers' in the Indian part of my wedding ceremony. Our parents are friends. Her family is my family, and their loss is my loss. It really hasn't been a good week so far.

So at 3, I leave work, drive home, change, take the subway to Union, catch my train, get picked up at the station by my mom, and head right to the funeral home for visitation. Then tomorrow, I'll go to the funeral on my own, then take a cab to the train station and come back to Toronto to prepare our condo to have my mom up to visit for the weekend.

Anyway, I might not post anything until next week.

The best invention since.... well, ever

We got one on Tuesday, and I love it. Anything that makes my husband get off the couch and away from the computer is aces for me. And it's super fun.

Wow, I feel so 'white trash American'

So the other day after work, against every fibre of by being, I stopped at Wal-Mart to look for a tanktop. I bought a pretty white shirt on Gerrard on Saturday but I need a nude-coloured tank top to wear under it so I don't look like the office tramp when I wear it to work. So, I stopped at Wal-Mart.

I HATE Wal-Mart. It is the devil. Besides the fact that it and all the other 'big box' stores are what's wrong with North America today, I just hate the environment. I don't want to be grocery shopping in a store where people are pushing office furniture around in a cart. I don't want to be looking for a DVD in a store surrounded by families of 7 with a cart full of clothes. I hate it.

My husband and I shop there very VERY rarely and only if we have something very specific we need to pick up, and our rule is to never get a cart. If we are picking up one or two things, fine. But the second you take a cart, you're subjected to the throngs of other people with carts trying to get by because their screeming kids are getting rangy and they still have to buy diapers and want to look at patio furniture and need to pick up a birthday card..... So, no carts.

So anyway, I needed a nude-coloured tank top and stopped at the hub of hell and tried to go straight to the cheap lingerie section. But I got stopped.... by the bagels. My husband was out of bagels, and here they are, at Wal-Mart, not the grocery store. And then, as I continued across the store, I got stopped... in the linens section and bought two anti-allergen pillow protectors, at Wal-Mart, not the home decor place. I hate stores like this, but somehow, despite my best efforts I was sucked in by that horrible thing called "convenience." Finally... I got to the lingerie.

In the end, they didn't have a nude-coloured tank top.... but I ended up buying underwear. From WAL-MART. In a 3 pack.

I have NEVER bought underwear that wasn't carefully selected from La Senza or Victoria's Secret or even Calvin Klein. And I've never EVER bought underwear in a 3 pack before.


It's like in that brief encounter on the way home from work, Wal-Mart somehow transformed me into a white trash American. How the hell did that happen?

Damn you, Wal-Mart. Damn you all to hell.

I feel like I need to dress up and go somewhere fancy to shake off the stank of white trash and get back to my upper-middle class self.

Entertaining

So I haven't posted in ages - sorry.
I went to Jamaica, and I really don't feel like writing up all the dissappointments of that fiasco because it will put me in a bad mood for the day. Let's just say this: Sandals Montego Bay is WAY overpriced for the budget vacation you really get, and romance there, despite how the lovely ads and vacation planning booklets look, is nonexistant. Well, there's "romance," but that's not the same as actual romance. Having our quiet dinner interrupted everyday by a Sandals photographer saying "look like you like each other! be romantic! give him a kiss!" is decidedly NOT romantic.

At any rate, 5 days of beautiful weather, lots of rum, and champagne in our room each night was better than 5 days here of crap weather, work, and no champagne at all.

So I'm blogging this morning kind of out of boredom. My dad & his partner are up visiting for the weekend and I stressed so much through the night about not being awake when they wake up (What if they're early risers? I didn't show them where the coffee is! Must be sure to be awake when they get up!) that I tossed and turned from about 4:45 until 7:20. At that point I said screw it, I'm up. So I've already cooked up a pound of bacon that just needs to be rewarmed and I've made a strawberry sauce for the coconut-crusted french toast I plan to make. (mmmm). Now I'm debating whether I should use this time to shower and dress, or if that will make Dad & Susan uncomfortable to chill in their jammies for breakfast.

I shouldn't worry this much. He's my dad, after all. This should be easy. The t hing is though, my dad didn't raise me. Sure, we saw him, and he took us on vacation to Saskatchewan to see his family in the summers, but we don't have the comfort that I have with my mom, or even with my husband's parents. I've never stayed over at his house, and that's the main difference. We go there for dinners, which are pretty formal. Fun, but formal. We sit in the living room and chat while he and Susan organize dinner, then come to the kitchen to eat, then go back to the living room to chat, then go home. We've never had a meal in our jammies before. I was explaining to my friend Meaghan that it's like having my Aunt & Uncle over for a weekend. They're family, but there's still a wall of formality between us.

Oh, I think I just heard somebody awake. I should wake up the hubby now. He's snoring, and he's definitely going to spend a half hour in the washroom when he wakes up, so I should go nudge him now. Ah, marriage ;)

Off turn on the coffee.

365 wonderful days

I can't believe it - tomorrow's our first anniversary.

On one hand, the year has just flown by. It seems that time passes quicker now that I'm older. When I was in school, it seemed to drag on. But now... wow, it's already mid-May.

But on the other hand, the wedding seems Soooooo long ago. Over the past week, I kept thinking back to what I was doing a year ago on this day- just driving to London a week before the wedding to finish off last-minute stuff, pre-wedding BBQ at my dad's, getting pedicures with my 'Maids, getting my menhdi done... and a year ago tonight, I was trying to make myself tired because the sooner I went to bed, the sooner it would be THE DAY. Just like Christmas - Santa won't come until you go to sleep :) And then, quicker than I could blink, it was done, I was wearing a beautiful platinum and diamond band next to the engagement ring I'd had on for a year and a half, and we were chilling on the Mayan Riviera replaying every second a million times.

It's all so clear, but still seems like ages ago. The year has been busy, and crazy, and wonderful... And I've learned a lot, I think. Over the last year, I've learned a lot about being a wife and a daughter-in-law and sister-in-law, and even though we lived together before the wedding, I think I've still learned a lot about living with someone.

We're going out for a fancy dinner tomorrow night, then back home to eat our one year old layer of wedding cake that my mom so carefully wrapped and froze for us after the wedding. We took it out of the layers of saran wrap today, and mmmmm it smells good.

I'm heading to bed now, but I'll try to blog a bit from work tomorrow while it's all fresh.

So I guess tonight's my last night as a newlywed! Now I'm just an old married lady :)

Going up?

A couple of weeks ago, I presented a communications strategy to the sales managers - most of whom, I have never met. It went well, I thought - people asked questions, seemed interested, didn't shout at me... all in all, a good meeting. But you never really know what people are thinking.

So, I was in the elevator today and received the nicest compliment. One of the guys from the meeting said to me that he had meant to tell me how well he thought I did at the meeting. He said I was very professional, well-spoken, seemed very comfortable at the front of the room, especially since I didn't know anyone there, and that the plan I presented was just what they needed.

He said, "you've obviously done some PR before." And I have - a bit. But I don't think that's where it comes from. I've always enjoyed presenting - be it on stage with a microphone and some music, in a play, or in front of a group of classmates or colleages - it makes no difference to me. If I'm comfortable with the subject matter, just point me towards the mic.

Anyway, it was an entirely unsolicited compliment, which made it that much more meaningful. He could have just said, "Good morning, Daphne." But instead, he completely made my day.

It's so weird being in a job that I'm really good at. I spent 10 months in insurance hell and was made to feel like I had chosen the wrong profession. I've been at the Publisher for almost 2 months, and I feel like I can do anything - and will be supported by my team. And, apparently, I'll also be supported by members of different departments, just because.

Blogging out of Boredom (and a conscious effort to avoid TV)

My husband is watching what feels like the ten millionth US Presidential debate. He just can't seem to get enough, and what's worse - he wants me to care on a level deeper than my current, "Huh, there's a debate on this channel. I wonder what's on other channels?" There are few things that make my brain just switch off more than US Politics (or Canadian, for that matter). So, as he watches Hillary and Barack talk about things I really couldn't care less about, I blog and listen to my iPod to block out the incessant speaking and clapping.

I'm listening to Madeleine Peyroux. What a beautiful, tender, soulful voice she has. She sounds like a throwback to Billie Holiday, with a French twist. Love it.

Speaking of things that make my brain shut off, this afternoon I had to go with the hubby to meet with our new invester lady. It was quite possibly the most painful thing I've had to sit through since highschool math class. Honestly. I'm lucky that my husband is really interested in our finances. It gives me licence to avoid it all entirely. He wants to think about things like our net worth, principle, and other scary financial things. Right now, he's working out the finances for his business and, by default, our personal cashola. In essence, we had to put an ungodly amount of money in an RSP, transfer our individual pensions from previous employment into locked-in RSPs, and transfer an RSP my mom set up about a billion years ago for me. Blech.

The woman we met with is very obviously competant and knowlegeable, and just doesn't seem to understand that it's not that I'm not capable of understanding this stuff, it's that I JUST DON'T WANT TO. Please, PLEASE quit trying to explain the ins and outs of mutual funds. Please, I beg of you. Stop asking me to calculate my assets, and no matter how many times you ask me, I am not going to give you an answer to "how much return do you expect from your investments." She just wouldn't accept "I truly don't care - as long as it's not negative" for an answer. She expected a percentage, and I'm just not prepared to think about percentages on my few, blessed days of unemployment.

I'M ON VACATION. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE TO THINK ABOUT INCONSEQUENTIAL THINGS. Like how bad a job my hairstylist did on my highlights yesterday and how I have to get them fixed elsewhere on Saturday.

Commute

Standing on the subway during my morning commute allows me time to think. When I am lucky enough to get a seat, I tend to zone out, but when I stand, I’m forced to pay attention so I don’t fall asleep – or just fall.

As I watched the other passengers sway with the monotonous movement of the train this morning, I began to wonder about their lives. How many of these nine-to-fivers are eager to start the workday that awaits them at the end of their commute? How many enjoy what they do? Conversely, how many are dreading getting off the train, knowing that they’re a twenty minute ride away from a long, grueling, or simply unfulfilling stint at their faux wood desks, bathed in fluorescent lighting with only weak coffee keeping them awake?

Yes, you've guessed it correctly - I'm in the latter group.

And I’ll bet my Swingline stapler and stash of Post-it Notes that I’m not alone here. I bet if I were to take a poll, I’d find that the majority would answer “fine” when asked how they expect their day will be. And they’d probably only answer “fine” because they were being polite to the suspected crazy girl asking them random questions at 7:45 a.m. on a Thursday.

Is that enough? Is “fine” what we all hoped for when we dreamed of how our adult jobs would be? I can only speak for myself (because, of course, I did not actually survey my fellow subway passengers this morning), but I think we all wanted something more than “fine” when we imagined how we’d spend a third of every day from our mid-twenties onward.

Maybe the dreary weather is getting to me, or maybe this particular Thursday is so depressing because I just don't want to spend eight hours of fine every day of my life. What's worse is that if it's fine at best, bad days are decidedly less than fine. I find this really sad.

So, the question is, what can we actually do about it? Will we even do anything, or will we continue to drag ourselves out of bed each morning, throw on the office-appropriate clothes and force ourselves into our morning routines each and every day until we die - or we save up enough money that we can retire comfortably.

It's a sad, sad state that so many talented people my age are dreaming of retiring. THIRTY years before we can realistically expect to do so.

Daphne is...

• Home alone tonight
  - It's my first night alone in the new place. My husband had to go out of town for work. It feels weird, but also kind of nice to have the place to myself. I won't do anything different tonight than I would when he's here, but still.


• Martha Stewart
  - I really can't quit cooking and baking. Last night I made a pork roast, potatoes and corn on the cob, and finished it off with an open faced plum cake from the new Martha Stewart magazine. I'm so very domestic in this new, beautiful condo.


• Tired of her job.
  Really tired of it. - I have moments in the day when my job is pretty decent... but mostly I'm done with it.


• Loving entertaining.
  - I feel so grownup. We can just have people over whenever we want, because our condo is always clean, there's more than enough seating space, and we always have something to eat here.


• Not a good gardener.
  - I received a beautiful orchid as a housewarming gift just over a week ago, and I think I might already be killing it. If I can't keep a fern alive, I certainly shouldn't be undertaking caring for an orchid. It's just not a good idea.


• A little bored this evening.
  - But not for lack of things to do. I really should get those damn thank you cards done tonight. That would surprise the husband. And it would be good to stop feeling guilty about it.


• Listening to the dishwasher, dehumidifier and air conditioner.
  - All together, they really make a lot of noise


• Hoping her brother and sister-in-law come up to visit next Sunday.


• Happy with her life ...
  outside of the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday - Friday.


• Gassy.
  A lot of Indian food this weekend contributed to that


• Lucky