Back on the Baby-Making Train

Well, it's cycle 2, and I think I'm on the verge of ovulating. My chart looks *exactly* like last month's only a little shorter - last month my follicular phase (after period, before O) was long, but I think that was b/c I was just off the pill. This month, it's exactly the same, minus a few extra days. So... it's day 14, and I think I'm going to O tomorrow. Woo!

I picked up some Pre-Seed today after work - it's a fertility-friendly lube. After alll the forced and rushed sex last month, we figured it's worth the 34.99 for 6 pouches (holy shit!!!) to at least enjoy ourselves this month.

I have to say though, month 2 isn't as exciting as month 1 was. Not that I want to make a baby any less, but I'm less excited to read everything and anything about pregnancy, and I'm less anxious, and I'm less excited to tell people we're trying. Last month was brutal - I wanted to tell everyone that I've jumped off the no-baby boat, and landed on the baby-making train. I felt like I needed to shout it from the rooftops - like we had news, even though it wasn't really news.

This month has been more normal. Maybe it's because we're a little stressed over finances, so that's keeping us occupied. We're looking at houses, and it's absolutely nuts. We love our neighbourhood, but the small bungalos start at 500,000. To get anything decent with a good number of bedrooms and 2+ bathrooms, you're looking at 850,000. Nonsense. So we're wrestling - do we settle on the house or the area? Do we buy a crappy house in the area we want and want to upsize in a couple of years, or do we buy a great house off the subway line, and give up the lifestyle we love here? This is our dilemma. We don't have to buy for another year, but still. It's top of mind.

Well, DH is on his way home. A pizza is on its way, and we have some baby-making to do. I hope I do ovulate tomorrow - we've got no plans on a Friday/ Saturday for once!

Dear Santa,

I know that in previous years, I've been a little greedy. I've asked for everything from a pony to a trip around the world, to peace on earth... with a lot of dolls, shoes, and purses thrown in there, too.

This year, I'm taking a step back, and I'm not asking for much. All I want for Christmas this year is a little line on a stick - specifically, a little pink line on a home pregnancy test. If I knew where to get one myself, I'd pick one up and not trouble you with it at all. But you've always been really great about finding the perfect gift, even when I wouldn't know where to find it, so that's why I'm appealing to you.

Since this might be a difficult task for you and I don't want to be a bother, you can give this gift to me and my husband as a joint gift. You don't have to pick him out anything special on top of the line on a stick.

Thanks so much,

Daphne.

A mathematical equasion

I now understand why people say that trying to get pregnant is exhausting and not a lot of fun. You'd think it would be fun, but honestly, take my word on it. I hate being told what to do on a good day - so being told what to do, how to do it and when to do it by every book and 'expert' is really not a good time. We *think* I ovulated on the weekend (though, since I've been on the pill since I was 16, I really don't know what it's like) so we were on a mission.

My husband is so cute. And mathematical. So there's apparently only a 20% chance that I could get pregnant, based on stats. So he figured we needed to up the odds, by 'trying' at least 5 times while I was ovulating, thereby bringing the % to 100. I know it doesn't work like that, but it was cute anyway.

Long story short, I'm second guessing the Ovulation Predictor Kit's results because they don't match with my body temperature chart. But either way, if I was indeed ovulating, we did everything we could to introduce his guys to my girl. It was weird, mechanical, and decidedly unromantic, but there it is.

So now, we wait 2 weeks, which is going to be killer. But at least the sex will be normal again during this 2 weeks!

My, how things have changed

Okay, so now that I've posted that finally, it's time for an update.

From that discussion, things have snowballed (in a good way). I went off the pill for the first time since I was 16 - having no idea what this would do to my body. Some people don't even start ovulating again for months after the pill or take a long time to get into a predictable cycle. So that was step number 1. And I started taking pre-natal vitamins - which thankfully, don't make me feel as gaggy as regular multi-vitamins do.

We've bought a ton of literature on trying to get pregnant, and just had to wait to see if I'd ovulate. And we started second guessing our trip to India. Is it the right time to go? Should we postpone and try to get my cycle normal instead of traveling? Should we go anyway, and just deal with my potentially raging pms while on vacation? Should we try to conceive now, and risk finding out if I'm pregnant while we're away with his parents halfway around the world?

It's been a couple of weeks of spinning and worrying and reading and figuring out if we can do this now, and trying to convince ourselves that waiting isn't the end of the world. It's not the end of the world - we know that rationally. But tell that to my brain and body. And his, too.

Our tickets to India are bought. The trip is entirely planned out. We're supposed to leave on November 19. But we're canceling today. Here's why - yes, work is nuts - his work is screwed if he goes away, and my boss will go nuts without me right now. But that's not really it. We found out that if we're trying to concieve (TTC), we can't take the malaria tablets we need to go on our trip - they increase the risk of a lot of things, including stillbirths. And if we did go and took the tablets, we'd have to wait 3 months after we go off the tablets before trying again. We hummed and hah'd, and today, we're canceling our tickets. My in-laws think it's because of my husband's work, and just don't understand why he can't tell them "too bad". They're disappointed we're not coming with them. When we find out we're pregnant and are ready to tell them, we'll tell them the real reason we canceled our tickets and I'm sure they'll understand.

So.... we've started tracking my basel body temperature - this helps you pinpoint when you ovulate, and therefore your most fertile time of month. And we bought an ovulation predictor kit (a pee-on-a-stick thing). And long story short, I found out this morning that within the next 24 hours, I think I'm ovulating - my first cycle off the pill. I'm ovulating. So I woke my husband up and told him to brush his teeth and get back to bed. We're having my best friend and her mom stay with us this weekend (they came this morning, will be out all day, but will be back later) so our window of opportunity is small.

So today was the first time in my life that I had sex with the intention of getting pregnant, instead of being fearful that I could get pregnant. It was bizarre. So that settled it - we're not going. We won't be able to take a pregnancy test until the day we should be leaving for India, so we're not going.

And now... we'll 'try' again a few more times over the next 12 hours (when Bev and her mom are out) just to up our chances, and we wait.

The probability is small - only 20% chance that we'll concieve, but wow, would that ever be exciting!

So now I have to wait 2 weeks - a little less if I try one of the early prediction kits, but it still seems like AGES away.

tick tock tick tock

I can't believe how quickly and easily everything in my life has changed.

Turning Over A New Leaf

I haven't blogged in ages, but I'm going to try to get more regular about it. I started writing a blog post a few weeks ago but never finished, so I'm going to post it now unfinished, and then just move on from there.

Started October 20:

I’ve been doing a lot of unexpected soul searching over the last few months, and I’m pretty weirded out by it all. I’ve always been in the “no kids” camp – in fact, I’ve been camp counsellor all my life. I could never picture myself with kids, never wanted that kind of responsibility, and while I liked other people’s kids (to a certain degree – just as I like other people’s dogs: nice to pet in the elevator, but I wouldn’t want to have to walk them every day and for the love of god, can’t you get that thing to stop barking??), I wouldn’t miss them if they weren’t there. In contrast, I have friends who have heard their biological clocks ticking since they were teenagers, and have looked forward to becoming a mother for as long as they could remember. I never thought I had a biological clock – and was perfectly happy with that.

My no-baby policy has always been a bit of a sore spot with my husband and I. I was upfront with him, and he agreed that we certainly have to be on the same page, and if I say ‘no way’, there’s not much he can do about it. But I told him I’d be open-minded, and nothing is set in stone. I knew how much he wanted kids and how much he hoped I’d change my mind, but still, I didn’t ever see it happening.

Then, something weird happened. In June, I attended a funeral for my best friend Bev’s grandma, and the family said such wonderful things about her – how she had passed her values down from generation to generation, how she would live on through the many people she had touched over the years, how proud her children are to see something of her in their children. And for the first time in my life, for a brief moment, I thought about my own life and what it would be like if I became a mom.

Just as quickly, I pushed the thought out of my head because, jeez, that’s nuts! However, over the months, I had more and more thoughts of what it would be like… mostly, I had these thoughts when I was with my brother & his son. NEVER when I was with my husband’s side – the kids are nuts, and the parents have no lives. Not something to aspire to - I'm a firm believer that a couple has to remain a couple, even after kids. If they become nothing more than parents (the marriage was given up for parenthood) there's nothing holding you together later. That's just my two cents - call me a hopeless romantic, but that's what I think.

Anyway, from the occasional 'what if' I've progressed very quickly to the "I want to get pregnant". It's freaking crazy, but it's all I can think about. I guess I did always have a biological clock, but it was dormant or something. I think a lot of it has to do with how solid my marriage is and how great my work is - so very baby-friendly.
So one night, my husband was rambling on about his day and how nuts work is and how they were asking him to cancel our trip to India later this month. He stops and looks at me, and says, "you're stressing about this, aren't you?" I replied, "I can't stop thinking about babies". I think he almost choked.

On thanksgiving weekend, we discussed the possibility of kids years away, and were both cool with it. But now, I want it now and there's nothing that will make it go away. I can't even explain it, but it's like an urgency I've never known. I'm anxious to get on with my life. I feel like we're wasting time - whereas not even a month ago, I couldn't fathom even thinking about a baby for years.

A veritable birthday bonanza

My husband's 29th birthday was on Sunday - Friday kicked off what will be a 3-week birthday fest for him involving no fewer than 6 birthday meals with family and friends. This is not because he's some kind of egomaniac who expects the world to revolve around his date of birth (I'm the egomaniac in this relationship, not him) but because... well, just because. Let me list:

1. Friday dinner - birthday with wife
2. Saturday dinner - birthday with friends
3. Sunday lunch - birthday with parents and one sister
4. Sunday dinner - birthday with other sister
5. following Saturday dinner - birthday with crazy mother-in-law
6. following Saturday dinner - birthday with father- and brother-in-law

That doesn't include colleagues from current and previous contracts who wanted to meet up for lunch in honour of the occasion. It's madness.

Anyway, his birthday made me think back to last year at this time. I was trying to write some awful article for Insurance Hell and was going mental. I had stayed up all night writing it, and when I went into work, found out that the manager who had approved the topic hadn't gotten VP approval, and now I had to start from scratch on a new, but equally awful and difficult topic that needed to be approved and submitted to the magazine by noon the next day. One of my managers told me, "I hate having to tell you that you'll have to work on this tonight, but you'll need to manage the approvals process, incorprating changes and such tonight so we can meet our deadline." I was nearly in tears in his office, because that night was my husband's birthday dinner and I couldn't miss it and I have spent way too long on this awful thing and and and...

And I'm so glad I'm not there anymore. My new job is awesome. That is all.

Why?

Why?? Why would anyone do this? Should there be instructions for this type of thing?

1. Use last bit of toilet paper

2. Take new roll from holder thingy

3. Remove empty roll and replace with new roll.

Not that difficult, if you ask me.

Daphne's about to lose it.

I am so tired of US politics. I live in Canada, and am damn proud that I'm not American, and these horrendous elections are just one example of why I think the US is self-important and over the top.

Suffice it to say that I feel that pretty much everything surrounding the US presidential election is as flashy and over the top. I'm not going to write much more about it, because really, I'm Canadian. It's their country (thank god, not mine), they can rah-rah as much as they want.

I'm just really tired of hearing it all the time. I've blogged before about how obsessed my husband has been about this election that is not ours, and it seems that, despite my best hopes, he's getting MORE interested in it as time goes on. I don't know how much more I can take of it - I'm now reading in bed at night with my iPod on so I can drown out the noise of the TV in the other room. I'm going mental.

I can see that my husband is clearly addressing me, but all I can hear is "Wwah wwah wwah Obama. Wwah wwah wwah Clinton. Wwah wwah wwah election wwah wwah McCain."
I Don't Care. Please stop trying to make me. I don't care if Obama's wife spoke well, or if Clinton's supporting him enough, or if McCain really is just Bush again.
I DON'T CARE.

It's not even just that it doesn't interest me - it goes beyond a general disinterest. It actually makes me angry. Why can't he be obsessed with something less irritating - like collecting figurines or speaking in Vulcan? ANYTHING would be better than this.
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I miss the days when he'd watch wrestling or UFC and try to explain to me why the 'story behind the story' is what's interesting. Those were the days...

Two quick things to blog about today.

I woke up this morning from a dream about a sheep. We had found a sheep, and he was the sweetest thing in the world and I was going to keep him as a pet. I loved that sheep... but we didn't have enough yard to keep him, so I had to give him away. I was so sad. He was the cutest sheep ever.

I think I miss having a pet. It will take a LOT of convincing and a much bigger house, but eventually, I'm going to win and we're going to get a cat. Or maybe a sheep. My husband really has no use for animals. He wasn't brought up with them, and really just doesn't get it. And he's apparently allergic to cats... though it comes and goes so it's really not that bad, in my mind.

Second, welcome back to Mis(adventure) - my good friend who's back to blogging again. And welcome back to my blog (again)!

Hump Day.

A couple of quick things:

I had another baby dream last night. At least this time I wasn't actually 'me' in my dream - I was someone else who had adopted a Chinese baby.
This dream didn't freak me out as much - first, because it wasn't actually me. Second, because I know why I had the dream - I was watching America's Got Talent (actually, my husband was watching it, but I watched about 5 minutes worth. I don't know why he loves 'reality' TV so much) and there was a segment on this adopted Chinese girl who is a contortionist.

Anyway, I'm really REALLY counting down until I know I'm not pregnant. Good lord - this has been the longest month ever!

On a different topic, I wonder why it is that working with the IT department to get something done is always such a bloody ordeal. It doesn't seem to matter what company you're at, the IT team is always the same. I've been asking for a folder on a public server since March to complete a re-vamp of our communications here. All I need is a folder where I can house documents so I can link to them within communications to staff. That's it. A folder on a server. And here I am, FOUR MONTHS LATER still chasing them down, and now they're trying to set me up with a SharePoint site instead of getting me a simple folder - which is much more complicated than it needs to be.

All I need is a folder!!! With write-privileges!

Why is this so difficult?
UGh.
I'm going to lunch.

The affliction of the smug married couple

We're officially that couple. The one that can't just be content with their own happiness - they have to try to make everyone around them as happy as they are by trying to forge couples out of their single friends.

We just can't help it. We're smug marrieds. This is what we do... apparently.

On Saturday, we had our friend Jules over for dinner. She was in our wedding party (technically as a groomsmaid, as she's really my husband's friend, though I've known her since highschool too). The whole purpose of her trip to Toronto (she's back living in London, after a few years spent living here post-university) was to meet our other friend, Sam. Sam is part family, part friend, actually - he's my husband's sister's husband's brother. Right, that sounds more convoluted than it really is. My brother-in-law's brother. He's a good guy, though a bit of a pain in the ass when it comes to stirring up family controversy, but that's beside the point. Anyway, he has told us on more than one occasion that he just wants to meet "a good person." She doesn't have to be gorgeous or a genius, or anything - just as long as she's a good person and in the same stage of life as him. Even his parents have appealed to us, saying "she doesn't even have to be Indian" (this used to be a really big deal for them) "she just has to be nice." Sam's about 8 months shy of hitting the big 4-0, and the family is getting a little panicked. He's getting old, he's pretty overweight, and he needs to find a girl, get married, and have babies before his parents explode. He's made it quite clear that he just wants to meet someone nice and get married already.

So, we thought and thought about who we could introduce Sam to, and the only person we could come up with was Jules - who is also pretty overweight, not a pretty girl, but sweet, thoughtful, and a very good person, and who, at 30, has never been on a date before. At 30. Never.

We thought about this nearly 2 years ago at our engagement party, but never did anything with it. Sam's parents are pretty much the devil incarnate and spend their days trying to make my sister-in-law feel inadequate in some way or other (yes, the doctor. The one who married their other son 6 years ago, has given them 2 beautiful granddaughters and has another baby on the way. The one who pays for them to come on their family vacations. The perpetually inadequate daughter-in-law...?). They're really negative people, and once told my other sister-in-law that she could do better than her Italian fiance - she could marry a nice Indian boy. She never said anything like that to us - but mostly they just don't talk to me. I prefer that, actually.

Did we want to throw Jules to the wolves like that? Sweet, naive Jules? Well, in the end, we decided it was worth it. Sam has always been their favourite son and they're very open about that, so whoever he's with will be able to do no wrong. And really, Jules' family is pretty effed up too, and we don't fault her for it. And Jules has finally realized that all of her friends are married, and the "BFF" friendships she's had since highschool are evolving beyond her control because of it. She's just as desperate as he is to just meet someone already.

So, we asked her, she said great. We asked him, he said great. They remembered each other (so theoretically, the physical wasn't really an issue) and added each other to Facebook, and we set up a double dinner date at our house.

They came over, we cooked while they visited, and he stayed until 2 a.m. They talked all night - lots in common, no shortage of conversation, and considering how shy she normally is, they had a great time, we think. We know Jules is interested (she stayed at our place that night, so we chatted) but we have no idea what his headspace is.

And honestly, it's killing us not knowing.

My husband really wants to call him to get the scoop. He HAS to know what Sam thought about Jules. I told him it's just not our place. We did everything we should do, and now we're done. We'll see him on Saturday in London anyway, as my sister-in-law is having us all over for a family birthday barbecue. He may or may not say something then - but we just need to butt out. The ball is in their court - if they want it, that is.

I have a feeling though, that my husband won't be able to leave well enough alone. He won't be able to resist from meddling, I just know it.

Luckily, our foray into the realm of smug married matchmakers was short-lived. Jules is our only single girl friend. All my friends are either married with babies, or in serious relationships at the least. All of his friends are boys... and single. Nothing we can do for them - they'll just have to fend for themselves, I guess.

I hope things work for Sam & Jules - I hope he's interested, since I know she is. They'd probably be good for each other, and on paper at least, they are exactly what the other person is looking for. Two good people, just looking for another good person who will look past his/her flaws. But, as good as we are at throwing a blind-date dinner party, we just can't gauge chemistry between two people.

Here's hoping. But either way, we've done what we set out to do: Jules has had her first date ever... at 30 years old. Sam and his parents will get off our backs.

And we can go back to just being smug marrieds.

Top of mind

I woke up from a really disturbing dream, and I've been feeling a little 'off' all day.

I had a baby, and apparently I had been ignoring the fact that I was pregnant- I just wouldn't admit it. So here I am with this newborn t hinking, oh crap! I have to get a car seat or something, don't I? Maybe I should read a book on this or something! I was completely blindsided by it all - since I had been ignoring the fact for 9 months, it was really like waking up tomorrow and being surprised by parenthood.

I am throroughly freaked out and counting down the days until I find out that I'm definitely not pregnant.

I don't think I've ever blogged about this before, and I don't think I'll really get into it right now, but the kids issue is a big one between my husband and I - especially since we've passed the one year of marriage mark. I've always been up front about the fact that I don't ever see myself with kids - you never know, things may change years and years down the road, but I really haven't ever seen myself as Mom material. I'm a great aunt. That's all. I can't even keep plants alive and I'm incredibly selfish. That's just who I am.

My husband says he'd like kids, but not anytime soon, for sure. But we've agreed to not even think about it now - we say "we'll talk when we're in our 30s" - but for me, that means there is still a very good chance that we'll talk and I'll say, "nope, not gonna happen" and we move on. For him, he's hoping we'll talk about WHEN to have kids, and hopefully not IF. Still though, he knows and respects that in the end it's my decision, so if I say no, that's that.

We don't tell his family that I'm anti-parenthood. That would make me the worst daughter-in-law of all time, telling them that their only son will not procreate so the family name will live on. We just tell them, when asked about kids, "oh, we're way to young for that. We're not even talking about it for years." If we do decide that it's never going to happen, I think it would be best to tell his family either that we just can't have kids (I have not problem being 'barren') or that it just never happened, so it wasn't meant to be.
My family has always known that I don't see it in my cards at all. I've asked my family to just not talk about it with his family.

Anyway, we're on the same page for the time being. No kids now, for damn sure. We're birth-control-aholics. And if I was to get pregnant now, we're united on what we'd do there, and the solution wouldn't be a mini-me or mini-him running around.

Either way, this dream really freaked me out and I've been feeling anxious and weird all morning. I feel like I could throw up - which makes me even more anxious and weird.

If heaven was made of leather

I know that the readers of my blog are all male - and that's because I haven't given my blog address to any of my girlfriends.

So, kind sirs, I'm sorry that this post won't do anything for you at all.

Last night, we went out for dinner with my sister- and brother-in-law, since it was her birthday. We're doing a family celebration on Saturday, but we thought since we live in the same city, we should take her out on the day.

She surprised me with a gift.... a gift of shoes.

A gift of Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

If you've ever heard Carrie Bradshaw on Sex & the City gush about her Manolos or Jimmy Choos, well, these are right up there. My sister-in-law bought them on sale in a size too small because she couldn't just not buy them at all. She's worn them once for about 20 minutes, but because it was agony for her feet (albeit heaven for her outfit), they've been sitting in her closet just dying to be worn.

Unbeknownst to me, about 4 months ago, she decided she should give them to me - my feet are an 8 and would fit the Zanotti's perfectly. It's been a 4 month struggle for her to let go of them, and last night, at the Spring Rolls at Yonge & Bloor, she presented me with the most beautiful pair of shoes I've seen in real life .

Okay, I think I need to clarify. I said she bought them on sale, and I think that statement, with no clarification, belies the true worth of these shoes. She bought them on sale for $550.00, down from $625.00.

$550 for shoes!!!!!

These babies were made by hand in Italy of delicious tan Italian leather. I could eat them. They are the sexiest shoes ever. Last night, my husband had to tell me I couldn't wear them to bed (because of course, when I got home, I had to wear them around the condo and didn't want to take them off). In fact, I'm wearing them now. I'm working from home today and I'm wearing my bathrobe and $550.00 shoes.

I am spoiled rotten by my in-laws. They give me jewellery for every major occasion (for our 1 year anniversary, my mother-in-law gave me a diamond pendant), MAC makeup (my sister-in-law is in the fashion industry, so she gives the fashion week giveaways made for blondes that she gets to me), and now, Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

I love my life.

I'm a jerk.

Ok, I'm a bitch. That last post was totally mean. I should be happy for the couple who did, despite my doom and gloom predictions, make it to the alter on Saturday. And on top of that, it was actually a really nice wedding - tasteful and fun, which is the opposite of what I anticipated. I expected it to be really tacky and boring.... and I'm a jerk.

We were sat at a really great table - we knew one couple well, and then there were two of the bride's cousins and their boyfriends. They were awesome. We had a fantastic time, dinner was great, the DJ played good music, and I'm a jerk. The decorations were pretty and the bride looked beautiful in a very classy gown.

I should not sound surprised by all of this.... but I really am. We know how broke the bride & groom are (they had to each work 2 jobs and save for 3 years to host this wedding for 100 guests - I won't even tell you how much ours cost for 300 guests). We know that their appartment is decorated entirely with teddy bears and beanie babies and that they really wanted to get married at Disney. We know that the bride wears sweaters with puppies on them on a regular basis... so you have to understand how surprised we were to see beautiful flowers, tasteful and flattering bridesmaid dresses, and not a teddy bear in sight. And though we noticed the little ways they saved cashola only because we've been kept apprised of all the planning through one of the bridesmaids (who was also one of our bridesmaids), absolutely nothing looked like they cut corners. I am duly impressed. What they did, they did well. What they didn't do wasn't missed by anyone.

The bride has been really high-maintenance and stressed about really stupid things for 3 years, so the grace she showed when confronted with the inevitable glitches - like their limo breaking down in the church parking lot (one of the bridesmaids' husband's is a mechanic and fixed it right there, in his suit) was truly surprising. We had told her umpteen times, "plan all you can now, but on the day, you just have to let it ride when things go wrong, because they will." To which she responded, "No, they can't go wrong!" She did really well, and thanked those who helped with the glitches gracefully in her speech. She was calm and radiant.

Dinner was delicious, we danced our butts off and stayed until after midnight. And now I wish I had written something nice in the wedding card - but I let my husband take care of it so he probably wrote "congratultions" in illegible handwriting. I feel the need to write them both a heartfelt email saying what a great time we had - I have to make up for all the bitchy things I said before the wedding. I am a jerk, but I've been proven wrong.

Congratulations......?

So I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and I truly wonder if the bride and groom will actually make it to the alter. Actually, I wonder if they SHOULD make it to the alter. They have broken up at least 4 times that I know about SINCE THEY'VE BEEN ENGAGED and are on engagement ring #3 - because she keeps throwing them off the balcony when they fight.

Hey, I understand that wedding planning sucks. It can make even the most perfectly matched couple fight like cats and dogs over stupid things (honestly, did I care, REALLY care, if we had 3 indian desserts and only 1 canadian dessert? In the end, did it matter? No. I ate my cake and was perfectly happy, but I argued about it until I was blue in the face... because at the time, it was pretty damn important). But seriously, if breaking up is ever even an option in your mind, then you shouldn't be engaged in the first place. No stupid fight should ever mean so much that you'd break up and throw away the ring. Grow up, or break up. You have to choose.

So ya, if they actually get married tomorrow and make it through the reception, I'll be surprised. I really wonder if they'll make it to their first anniversary without killing each other.

We're giving them a checque (because we know that's what most brides & grooms really want... not the multi-sized colander set they registered for because they felt they should) but you know, we should have thought this through better. If we bought them a gift and they break up on their honeymoon, they'd have to return it. By then, the money will be long gone paying for the reception and three hundred chocolate truffles and centrepieces that everyone wants but nobody knows what to do with when they get it home.

I could actually use a multi-sized colander set.

I wonder if there's still time to pick one up.

Entertaining

So I haven't posted in ages - sorry.
I went to Jamaica, and I really don't feel like writing up all the dissappointments of that fiasco because it will put me in a bad mood for the day. Let's just say this: Sandals Montego Bay is WAY overpriced for the budget vacation you really get, and romance there, despite how the lovely ads and vacation planning booklets look, is nonexistant. Well, there's "romance," but that's not the same as actual romance. Having our quiet dinner interrupted everyday by a Sandals photographer saying "look like you like each other! be romantic! give him a kiss!" is decidedly NOT romantic.

At any rate, 5 days of beautiful weather, lots of rum, and champagne in our room each night was better than 5 days here of crap weather, work, and no champagne at all.

So I'm blogging this morning kind of out of boredom. My dad & his partner are up visiting for the weekend and I stressed so much through the night about not being awake when they wake up (What if they're early risers? I didn't show them where the coffee is! Must be sure to be awake when they get up!) that I tossed and turned from about 4:45 until 7:20. At that point I said screw it, I'm up. So I've already cooked up a pound of bacon that just needs to be rewarmed and I've made a strawberry sauce for the coconut-crusted french toast I plan to make. (mmmm). Now I'm debating whether I should use this time to shower and dress, or if that will make Dad & Susan uncomfortable to chill in their jammies for breakfast.

I shouldn't worry this much. He's my dad, after all. This should be easy. The t hing is though, my dad didn't raise me. Sure, we saw him, and he took us on vacation to Saskatchewan to see his family in the summers, but we don't have the comfort that I have with my mom, or even with my husband's parents. I've never stayed over at his house, and that's the main difference. We go there for dinners, which are pretty formal. Fun, but formal. We sit in the living room and chat while he and Susan organize dinner, then come to the kitchen to eat, then go back to the living room to chat, then go home. We've never had a meal in our jammies before. I was explaining to my friend Meaghan that it's like having my Aunt & Uncle over for a weekend. They're family, but there's still a wall of formality between us.

Oh, I think I just heard somebody awake. I should wake up the hubby now. He's snoring, and he's definitely going to spend a half hour in the washroom when he wakes up, so I should go nudge him now. Ah, marriage ;)

Off turn on the coffee.

365 wonderful days

I can't believe it - tomorrow's our first anniversary.

On one hand, the year has just flown by. It seems that time passes quicker now that I'm older. When I was in school, it seemed to drag on. But now... wow, it's already mid-May.

But on the other hand, the wedding seems Soooooo long ago. Over the past week, I kept thinking back to what I was doing a year ago on this day- just driving to London a week before the wedding to finish off last-minute stuff, pre-wedding BBQ at my dad's, getting pedicures with my 'Maids, getting my menhdi done... and a year ago tonight, I was trying to make myself tired because the sooner I went to bed, the sooner it would be THE DAY. Just like Christmas - Santa won't come until you go to sleep :) And then, quicker than I could blink, it was done, I was wearing a beautiful platinum and diamond band next to the engagement ring I'd had on for a year and a half, and we were chilling on the Mayan Riviera replaying every second a million times.

It's all so clear, but still seems like ages ago. The year has been busy, and crazy, and wonderful... And I've learned a lot, I think. Over the last year, I've learned a lot about being a wife and a daughter-in-law and sister-in-law, and even though we lived together before the wedding, I think I've still learned a lot about living with someone.

We're going out for a fancy dinner tomorrow night, then back home to eat our one year old layer of wedding cake that my mom so carefully wrapped and froze for us after the wedding. We took it out of the layers of saran wrap today, and mmmmm it smells good.

I'm heading to bed now, but I'll try to blog a bit from work tomorrow while it's all fresh.

So I guess tonight's my last night as a newlywed! Now I'm just an old married lady :)

This is what perked me up on Saturday morning

My hubby and I woke up grumpily, but then we remembered: we have leftovers from the Keg!

This was divine:

leftover steak, asparagus, roasted tomato and peppers.... mmmm.

It Almost made up for the crappity wakeup.

Not a happy girl.

Why does it seem like my in-laws are hell-bent set against letting us sleep in? We have spent the last 4 EFFING weekends in London due to family birthdays and anniversaries, which has been really, really wearing on us. We get no weekend - we spend the whole time driving back and forth to London and chasing our neices and nephews around.

Fine. So April has been a wash - nothing we can do about that. Birthdays are birthdays, and April is always going to be like that. Fine.

So yesterday was my brother-in-law's birthday, and since they live in the GTA, the London side is driving up here today for a BBQ. Awesome - a Toronto weekend, even though it's a family weekend. We went out for dinner with them last night and were saying how excited we are to sleep in today - we don't have to set our alarms, we don't have to get up early. Wooo.

So, guess who calls at 9:30???? My sister-in-law. "Oh, you weren't sleeping, were you?" "Well, I woke up about 5 minutes ago" (But was trying to fall back asleep). "Oh, I'm so sorry... did the phone wake my brother up?" I look over. "Yes, looks like it." "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize it isn't 10:00" (since when is 10:00 ok, even? Though it's better than 9:30, it's still too early to call, since she knew how much we were looking forward to sleeping in) There was a pregnant pause while she expected her brother to pick up the phone, despite the fact that she just woke him up unnessesarily. "Um, can I have him call you back when he's up?" "Oh... yeah okay. Sure."

Right. So you're not actually sorry you called us early, effectively ending the only sleep-in opportunity we've had for freaking ages.

My other sister-in-law used to do this all the time, and when my husband says, "Uggh, it's 8:00 on a Sunday. Why are you calling now - I'm sleeping" she'd say, sarcastically, "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't get to sleep in - I have two kids. I'm always up now" As though her choice to have two unruly children who have no concept of discipline is cause to make our mornings miserable. Like, we should pay for her not sleeping. That seems to have ended though, after my husband suggested that he start calling her at 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning, because , "oh, I always work late - I don't get to go to bed early. I'm always up now." She was appalled and responded with something like, "No! You can't do that, you'll wake the girls up!" Exactly.
I think that hit home a bit.

My rule: Unless it's an emergency, or you absolutely know we're up (like, we have to be over at your house at 11, or something), NOTHING BEFORE NOON. It's not like we're sleeping until noon, but maybe we'd like to have a morning without talking to our families every once in a while. Perhaps we, as a still newly-married couple, would like to spend our morning in bed, or having a nice, quiet breakfast, or reading, or ANYTHING ELSE that doesn't involve listening to you bitch about something.

Great, now I'm starting out my Saturday grumpy. And the TTC is on strike. And it grey and ugly out. Great.

Is it wrong of me that I really enjoy my Friday afternoons without my husband?
I'm off at 1 on Fridays (Have I mentioned that before? It seriously kicks ass) and for a few weeks, before the hubby started a new job, we spent Friday afternoons together - we'd go out for lunch, run errands, shop, etc. It was great. It was like a whole extra day on the weekend.

But now he's back at work until 5 on Fridays, and Daphne flies solo. I spend my time doing... whatever I want. I pick up some groceries on the way home, cook, watch tv, bake cakes for the 3 billion Spring birthdays in our families, read, catch up on last week's episode of JPod... anything and nothing.

Don't get me wrong: I love spending time with my husband - he's my best friend, he's absolutely amazing, and almost a year into the marriage, I couldn't be happier. But, I really do like having just a few hours to myself each week (time that isn't spent at work or in the bathroom).

Is that wrong?