Asking the Serious Questions

Every bit of life I had infused into an article was just effectively sucked out of it by our editor.

Why am I even writing here? If everything I write is going to be 'edited' (read: rewritten), then why do I even bother writing it? Why not just hand my outline over to the editor and let her write it the way she wants it? It would certainly save a lot of time and effort.

A favourite phrase here is "don't reinvent the wheel" - if we've done something similar in the past, use it. However, even if I take text directly from a press release we've done before or from another document - it STILL gets edited!!

I can't win. Writing mindless, lifeless corporate vomit makes my brain turn to pudding. But writing something good - really *writing* - and having it ripped to pieces and transformed into something that would taste like cardboard is worse. It's not even a 'lesser of the evils' thing. No matter what I do, it gets changed to the point that it's unrecognizable as being created by Daphne.

If this isn't the right place for me, tell me: where should I be?

Now I'm off to a meeting with my editor to learn, three months too late, what they actually expect of us in the way of writing style, tips, and audience. Great idea. Let's let the newbies fumble through for three months writing what we consider crap, and THEN tell them what we want from them. That will give us a great opportunity to pick at them and grind them down into corporate drones before we finally give them some pointers. That's much more fun.

Daphne draws parallels between working and dating... and doesn't like the conclusions

I think insurance sucks my soul. The longer I work in this industry (and it really hasn't been that long) the less energy I have. I think my braincells are deteriorating, too.

I think the solution to this is doing more freelance work. I say "more" as though I do any right now at all, which I don't. At any rate, I emailed my old colleague asking for some tips on how to freelance, and she wrote back with about a million. She even offered to pass along any opportunites to me that she doesn't have time for herself.

Now, I just need to get motivated to do it. I think part of my problem is that I have a short attention span. I get excited about something, and then I"m just over it. It no longer piques my interest, and I move on to something else.

But maybe this is all just a result of ho freaking boring insurance is. Maybe if I was doing something that required a little more creativity, I'd be happier. I liked working so closely with the graphic designer and marketing team in my last job (not to imply that my last job didn't suck, because it did). I almost miss doing all of those HTML newsletters - simply because I had some input on how they turned out.

Maybe on the pendulum of communications jobs I've just moved from one extreme on the scale to another. I went from being the only person in my role, which meant I couldn't learn from anyone but had all the creative license in the world - to being one of many, where I can learn from many people, but have absolutely no say on what I'm doing.

I used to look at my dating record as a giant list in progress of what I don't want in life. Each failed relationship taught me something about myself, and about what I don't want in a mate. When a relationship ended, I simply added something else to my 'never again' list, and moved on. It was productive, and narrowed down the field to the perfect person for me - my husband. My strategy, while it may not have been the most direct route, worked.

Maybe I'm now applying the same strategy to my career. I know things I absolutely do not want in my career (I'm learning this every day) through my current and past positions. Eventually, after my "do not want" list is long enough, I will be magically pointed to the perfect opportunity. The most Daphne of all positions, where Daphne can be 100% Daphne and not be edited down to a lesser degree of Daphne-ness.

Great. I 'found' the man of my dreams (read: finally realized that he's the one for me) at 25 1/2 years old, and married him when I was 27. Prior to that, I had about 10 years of dating experience, all the while adding things to my list of least ideal mates.

Does it logically follow that I need 10 years of 'do not like' jobs before I narrow it down to the right one? And will the same be true that I already know the right job for me, but I just don't realize it yet?

Crystal Ball

I wonder if I'll ever have a job where I don't feel like goofing off all the time. Will I ever feel that committed? So committed that I don't just want to do the bare minimum. I've never had a job like that. I've always done what I had to in order to keep up appearances, but I've never really *cared* about what I'm doing.

I like my job - don't get me wrong. As far as jobs go, this one is as good as any I've ever had - better, actually. Still, like with every other job, I'm always trying to find a way out of the stuff I don't want to do.

Will I ever have a job where I actually want to do everything - for a reason other than the paycheck or just to avoid getting fired?

I have often said to myself and others that my dream job is writing freelance - being my own boss. But when I really think about it, I bet I'd put off my own work just as much as I do here. Maybe working 3 days a week or something would be better for me. Maybe I'd feel more motivated to work.... ? Who knows.

Why do I put off writing assignments - when I am a self-professed writer? If it is truly "what I love to do" as I tell everyone it is, then why don't I jump at the chance to do it?

I'm going to make a prediction here:

By the time I'm 35, I bet I'll be looking for a new job, at least part time.

But what? The only thing I can actually see myself loving - without putting it off or trying to avoid it - is baking.

Maybe I really am meant to have my own bakery or cafe or something.

If so, all those years of schooling were certainly time and money well spent.

Back to work.

Cryptic + Ominous = exactly what you want in an email from your boss.

Daphne,
Further to our discussion around your performance review, it is incumbent upon me to remind you of the following: Like all new members of the team, it is important that you use your probationary period to learn about the complexities of the industry and its issues. While the department provides the sources of this information, it is your responsibility to acquire it and integrate this knowledge into a precise writing style. The organization's probationary period accommodates this learning curve and provides all new candidates with an opportunity to demonstrate this acquisition of knowledge and skill. Please heed this reminder as you near the six month mark of your employment.
Thanks,
Scary Boss

What the hell?? This is why my manager frightens me. We never actually had a discussion about my performance review, except for the table I made detailing my projects – and on that she only said good things. So, what the hell is this? "Please heed this reminder"?? Did she send this to all 4 of us, or does she have an issue specifically with me? And WHY?? I am beginning
to not like my job. I hate the constant questioning.

The Joys of Editing

I'm editing a really awful report for someone - it makes my brain hurt. I sent a sentence over to my colleague to let her in on the agony that is this document:

The time for the testing was a one hour period agreed upon before the testing actually occurred.


She replied:

The time for the reading was five minutes which was not anticipated or agreed upon before the reading actually being read.

Well written, my dear. Well written. Now, back to the brain-melting document.

Get the Newbie

Having a bad day today.
Not sure I really want to write about it… but having a bad day.
I feel like the ‘newbies’ are being picked on – like all the managers got together and discussed all the issues they have with us (and there seem to be many) and decided to bring them up now – in quick succession.

I’m beginning to see the disadvantages of 4 of us being hired at the same time. On the one hand, we have ‘allies’ – we can ask each other for help before we have to ask a manager (thus, giving us a chance to look better) and we always have someone else to commiserate with or compare notes with.

On the other hand, I think it gives the managers more license to make sweeping statements to us as a group – they don’t have to see us about issues (even minor ones) individually, which might be more difficult for them. They don’t have to worry about ‘hurting our feelings’ when they talk to us as a unit. “there have been some issues with some people doing X – so you should all be conscious of it” instead of coming out and saying, “Daphne, I notice that you’ve been making this grammatical error.” While the managers probably feel like they’re doing us a favour by approaching things this way, it actually ends up doing more harm, I think. I’d rather know that I personally am doing something so I can fix it than know that there are issues among us about that thing.

Another problem: group think. I think I work better on my own – I’d try to please managers more, I think, if I didn’t have 3 other ppl on ‘my side’. I don’t know if that made sense. I guess we all have a greater feeling of empowerment/entitlement because there are 4 of us. We feel justified in bitching about little stupid things to eachother – which we should probably not do.