Calf + Ankle =

Cankles.

I now have cankles.

Cankle: "An obese or otherwise swollen ankle that blends into the calf without clear demarcation"

Mine aren't obese (thank goodness) but they definitely swell up now, which is new. I'm not even in the 3rd trimester yet. Awesome.

I was talking to my mom about it the other night and she said she had cankles from around 4.5 - 6 months and then it magically went away. I'm praying it's genetic.

I went out yesterday to Winners with the intention of buying some sensible flats to combat the swelling feet... and came home with these instead, and they're totally worth it:


Sensible? No. Cheap? Definitely not. But HOT? Heck Yes!

I wore them with pride today, in all my 5 month pregnant glory.

After work today, I went to Payless and picked out some boring sensible shoes, which I will wear begrudgingly with a snarl on my face.













(I bought the round-toe ones in eggshell white)

Everybody Dance!

Today, it seems, I'm hosting some kind of rave in my ute. A rave with only one raver, but a rave nonetheless.

Dance dance dance.... on the left hand side. Dance dance dance.... around the belly button. Dance dance dance... back to the left. All day, from about 7 a.m. until forever. With maybe an hour here and there where the baby is likely absorbing some nutrients through the delicious amniotic fluid (which today would taste like the chocolate chip pancakes I had for breakfast along with meatloaf for lunch), downloading some new tunes to the internal iPod, and mentally choreographing some new moves so that there can be much more dancing. Dance dance dance.

Hope you're having fun in there, little one! The rest of us out here (meaning me) are working like suckers on a cloudy Monday.

Rounding up to 5

The fourth month has felt like it has gone on for freaking ever. I'm now rounding up, saying I'm around 5 months. I don't know why, but it feels like I've been 4 1/2 months pregnant for about a year. I guess that Tuesday officially marks 5 months, since on Tuesday I officially have 4 months remaining until my due date. Still, it's just easier to count in weeks. I wish I could tell people I'm 21 weeks and have them actually understand that in weeks without asking how many months that is. (though in fairness, I've never measured my life in weeks before either, and I was one of those people who asked all my pregnant friends how many months they were).

So now that I'm around 5 months pregnant, I feel like I'm allowed to look as pregnant as I do - and I actually feel pretty cute. I have a little round belly and I love it :) And I'm addicted to maternity dresses. I feel super duper cute in them.

Yesterday, I was over at my Sister- and Brother-in-Law's house, and my BIL earned himself some serious brownie points. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks and he looked down at my belly, smiled and was surprised by how it all of a sudden looks pregnant, not just round.

He asked how far along I am now, and I said "about 5 months". He said, "Wow! You look great!" I could have kissed him. He went on to say, "You know how a lot of pregnant women put on weight all over - through their face and arms and stuff - well, you haven't at all! You look exactly the same!" honestly, that made my day more than the hotdog I had at the movie theatre, or the 2 hours of mindless entertainment of robots turning into vehicles that was the new Transformers movie. That was exactly what I wanted to hear. I did put on weight in my face (and boobs!), but that happened right at the very beginning, so for the last 3 1/2 - 4 months, I haven't really noticed a big change except in my belly.

A perk

They're doing the annual Spring carpet cleaning at the office this weekend, so the department is busy moving boxes that have been permanently fixed to the floor for the past 6 months up on top of filing cabinets and tables.

And I don't have to help.

The one guy in my department said, "Well, Daphne is exempt because of her condition". It makes me sound like I'm dying, but I'll get over it if it means I don't have to lug dusty boxes around today, and then back to their original spots on Monday.

Score!

Here it is!

Pictures of the inside of the house to follow after the home inspection on Tuesday.

But I took a drive-by on Friday, so here's the front of our new house!

We Bought a House!

We went to see a house last night in the area we've been eyeing, and Nick somehow knew (even before we saw a listing or pictures) that we were going to buy it. Apparently, our realtor knew too, since he brought already-drafted purchasing papers to the showing.

We love it. It's perfect.

The area is so family friendly

• there were a ton of kids outside playing in the evening
• it's a quiet crescent
• there's a park really closeby with a baseball diamond, tennis courts and a playground
• it's walking distance to the elementary school
• there are two Montossoris right in the neighbourhood
• neighbours were out chatting in their driveways

The house is perfect.

• The backyard is beautiful, and comes complete with an interlocking brick patio, a hot tub, a gazebo, a shed, and tons of grass and gardens and room for a play set
• The kitchen is gorgeous, with a $9000 professional gas oven and range hood
• The living/dining rooms have beautiful cherry floors
• Main floor office
• 4 bedrooms upstairs - one of which we may turn into a kick-ass walk-in closet and ensuite bath
• a beautifully done bathroom, that we'll unfortunately have to wreck... they put in an incredible shower, but we'll need a bathtub with kids
• The basement is so well done and has a really cool bar under the stairs, and they threw in their pool table because they have nowhere to move it to in their apartment
• The downstairs guest room and bathroom are spacious
• And there's a laundry chute! How cool is that??

We don't get possession until July 31, which seems forever away, but I'm sure once we have our condo ready for sale and on the market, it'll fly by.

I can't wait to go back to our house and take pictures and start planning out what paint colours we want. And then we can start shopping for baby furniture and a dining room suite!

We bought it at list price, which was totally fair for the neighbourhood and the beauty of the house. And it was well within our price range, so we can't go wrong!

Now we just have to wait for the home inspection (which we expect will be easy since they moved in 5 years ago and have done an impeccable job renovating it). And then it's ours!

Yay for Nick and Daphne! We're homeowners - well, we were before, since we own this condo, and owned the last as well. But now, we get land! And two stories! And room for a barbecue!

The sweetest sound I've ever heard

My SIL (the doctor who prescribed me wonderful acne-killing face medicine a couple of weeks ago) brought her doppler to the BBQ so we could try to find a heartbeat. She made us promise that we wouldn't freak out if we didn't find it - she couldn't find it most of the time on herself because she was so swollen all the time. But since we have our big ultrasound on Tuesday, she brought it anyway.

So we're all waiting for the non-family guests to leave the BBQ so we can go try it out... But as 11 rolls around, we realize they're not leaving anytime soon, and say screw it. Nick, SIL and I go into the bedroom and close the door. My SIL got me all set up and covered in US goo, and put the wand on my belly. She searched around for a minute or two, pointing out my own heartbeat and the sound of the umbillical cord passing by the doppler, and then the most beautiful sound I've ever heard comes out loud and clear over the monitor.

Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh....

Our little brownie has the sweetest heartbeat. Around 135 beats per minute (which is in the range of normal - hooray!) I was floored. And the babe was swimming around - we could only get maybe 15 seconds of heartbeat before s/he would move away from the wand. I had just had a cup of tea, so maybe the babe was feeling a little frisky :)

We invited my other sister-in-law in to hear, and then my mother-in-law.

And she let us take the doppler home, as long as we returned it on Sunday so she could take it back to the office on Monday.

So we listened again before bed, and then again in the morning before I showered. In the morning, we decided to call my mom. I ended up waking her up (oops!) but told her that someone wanted to say hi. We put the phone up to the monitor so she could hear the woosh woosh (still around 135 BPM). She said, "what the hell was that?" I told her it was the baby's heartbeat, and she melted. We put the doppler back to the phone, and I could hear her saying, "Hi baby! This is your grandma!" It was so sweet. I apologised for waking her, but said we figured she'd want to say hi before we had to take the doppler back.
I think it completely made her day.

I could listen to that all day.... But that's okay. The big ultrasound is Tuesday and we'll get a picture of our little baby brownie!

First Ultrasound!

We had our first doctor's appointment!



I met my OB, and she's really nice. When she realized that I was only 10 weeks, she didn't understand why her admin had booked me in so early (she does appointments starting at 12 weeks). I told her that my doctor thought she could check out my cyst while she was doing an ultrasound, and she said, "well, I'm not doing that kind of ultrasound today". Which meant HOORAY - she didn't need to use the dildo-cam! It was a tummy ultrasound!

So we saw our little brownie, and it was amazing. It really made it feel real - it's not just a 'concept' of pregnancy, there's actually a little baby in there. It was unreal.

So it was a really quick ultrasound, since she can't do anything until 12 weeks testing-wise. And she didn't check the heartbeat. But brownie's measuring at the right size (though she's still giving me November 7 as a due date instead of 12, since she's going by my LMP. I'm sure she'll adjust that at my next ultrasound).

So, the 12 week biggie is set for April 28 - which, coincidentally, I think it the original u/s date they gave me before I bumped it up to 10 weeks. Next Tuesday! So excited. And we'll get a picture of our little babe next week too :)

Holy crap - there's a baby in there!

Saw this on theBump...

Too true

Staying constant - oh, and we're trying this month, it's decided

I'm doing better with my Bump addiction these days. I haven't gone on theBump during work hours recently (maybe just because I've been so damn busy at work, but still, a success is a success). As much as I enjoy reading through the snark and the really helpful posts and having a community of women in the same boat as me, I think it just makes me obsess about my own chart more than is healthy.


So far this month I've been sleeping normally, not waking up at ungodly hours anxious to temp. Maybe this is a good sign for me. Also, my chart isn't nearly as rocky as the past three months have been - I'm pretty much hovering around a constant temp. Hopefully this will make it easier for me to determine my O date than it has been in previous months - no false dips and rises so far.



Alright, I'm off to work. I'm downtown today at another office (we acquired a company in December, so I'm going down to determine their communication needs). Guess I should look it up on a map so I have a clue where I'm going.

On Hold.

I made it through day 12 (woo hoo for having a normal LP!) and tested again this morning - BFN. And now I'm spotting. Boooooo.
I'm pretty damn dissappointed. Not just because I'm not pregnant this cycle, but also because it means we have to wait until April now to start trying again. I was really REALLY hoping we'd be pregnant this cycle so we wouldn't have to wait 3 months, but here we are. April, for eff sake.

The positives (because I'm desperately trying to be positive):

• I can drink. And I will.
• I can screw the decaf for a couple of months and be fully caffeinated again
• I can give my thermometer a break. I know that I should use this break as a chance to get to know my body better, but I really just want to stop setting my alarm for 6 a.m. on weekends again. Maybe I'll still chart through the week, but take weekends off. That might be a good compromise.
• I can stop compulsively checking my CM every time I have to pee.
• I can stop dreading going to the bathroom for fear that I might find that I got my period.
• I can continue using the salacylic acid facewash that I love
• I can try to focus on something else for a change. Everything besides baby-making has been put on hold since we decided to TTC, so maybe it's time to take back my life.
• My husband can stop stressing over whether or not to be house shopping for a few months, at least.
• I can drink. Did I mention that already? Cuz ya, it'll be nice to have some wine.
• We can go back to having normal sex again when we feel like it, not because my thermometer says we probably should.
• I can stop obsessing over my chart at every waking moment of the day.
• I can stop obsessing over theBump. Maybe this will cure my addiction.
• I can stop dreaming about testing every night.

But seriously, shit. Why the hell did I have to get my period??? Eff.

We'll take a coconut full of kindness yet, for auld lang syne

Well, it's officially 2009 and I'm back at work after almost 2 weeks off (I mean, um... at home.... because I wouldn't dare to blog from work, of course). I haven't updated since before Christmas, so I'm going to point-form my updates, in no particular order:

• I rang in the new year in Cuba with my husband, and celebrated with a few glasses of champagne.
• I made it to 10 DPO last month (hooray!) and got my period on Boxing Day morning (boo)
• I spent Christmas Day hopeful of a BFP, though I POAS in the morning to get a BFN
• My 18 month old nephew came to Christmas dinner wearing a shirt that says, "Big Brother" - my sister-in law is expecting their second! They were only at 6 weeks, but didn't know when they'd see us next so wanted to announce it to us and mom. When my sister-in-law asked him, "Ty, do you want a little brother or little sister?" he said, without hesitating, "Little sister!" Awwww.... so cute.
• I had my first wave of horrible, all-consuming jealousy when I saw how excited my brother and sister-in-law were. I finally understood all the girls on theBump - it was my first time feeling the overwhelming "WHY NOT ME?" when they found out someone else was PG. I was hoping all day that I'd get a BFP the next morning so that my SIL and I would be PG together, only 2 weeks apart. I was really, REALLY dissappointed the next morning, and so was DH.
• On the 28th, I went to a Puja for my youngest nephew (a Hindu blessing ceremony, and in this case, it was kind of the Hindu equivalent of a baptism). Apparently, someone at the Puja (some random Uncle that I've only met once at my wedding) asked our friend Paul's parents if I'm pregnant. Awesome. So now there's a rumour going around that I'm pregnant and I'm not. (Though we had Paul tell his mom that we're not, so hopefully that made it back to this gossiping uncle I don't even know). Just proves that I have gained weight, and people have noticed. That sucks. We told my MIL that Paul's mom asked if I'm pregnant and she was furious that her so-called friends are gossiping about me. She didn't even pause to ask if there was any truth to the gossip, just immediately thought they were insinuating that I've put on weight. She's going to be so shocked when we do get to tell her we're pregnant ;) She's not expecting it at all.
• I'm back on the beach today. No, not Playa Esperanza in Cuba (I wish) .... I'm back on South Beach to get rid of my Christmas / All-Inclusive Vacation chub. I'm incredibly motivated to lose this weight. I want to be cute pregnant, not fat pregnant where people just think I'm getting chunky.
• The trip was a great way to skip past the first part of my cycle without stressing about my temperatures. Today's day 12 of my cycle, and I'm back to temping. I just hope the trip didn't push my ovulation date back, but we shall see. Last month I O'd on day 18.
• We're back on the baby-making train as of today. Since we don't really know when I'll O, we're just going to do every-other day this week, and then every day starting on the weekend, from day 16 onward).
• We're expecting a shipment of Pre-Seed this week (hopefully today), and we ordered a bunch of their cheapie PG tests. So this month, I won't feel bad about POAS at 10 DPO.
• I'm actually glad I didn't get PG last month (despite the horrible wave of envy on Christmas), because it meant I could 'go out with a bang' in Cuba with the alcohol and caffeine. And now, I'm back to a dry, caffeine-free existance.
• I hope month 3 of TTC is our month. Third time's a charm....?
• I finally got to drink something out of a coconut! Coconut milk and Malibu rum. MMMMmmmm. That in itself made my vacation. And every drink had a twisty straw in it. Nothing says vacation like twisty straws.
• Christmas at my in-laws' was pretty uneventful, but good. It was weird not getting any presents - we only did gifts for kids this year. Also, because my MIL had just gotten back from India, they didn't have a Christmas tree up. We gathered the presents around the TV. Classy ;)
• We still got spoiled rotten at my mom's on Christmas day.
• I have freckles and am tanned by Daphne standards... but nobody else would know I went away unless I told them. I guess I should just be thankful that I didn't get burnt.
• I miss the beach. I miss the smell of sunscreen. I miss not wearing sweaters and coats and boots. I miss not setting an alarm. I miss not worrying about my temperature or my CM. I miss having normal sex when we want to, not dictated by the day of the month or my temperature. I miss not sitting at a desk. I miss not worrying about getting laundry done or buying groceries. I miss lying on a chaise lounge, reading all afternoon. I miss Cuban music. I miss how relaxed my husband was on vacation.
• I don't miss vacation hair (curly and weird due to the humidity). I don't miss covering my body in sunscreen every few hours. That's about all I miss.

Alright. I guess I should work or something. Happy 2009 everyone!

Heading into the Holidays

Well, I'm 7DPO. Last month I only made it to 8 DPO and had some cramping, and got my period the next day. Fingers crossed for a longer LP this month!

Provided I don't get my period early, I'll be testing on Christmas morning at my mom's house (which will only be 10 DPO, so I'm expecting a negative). Then, barring no positive test or period, I'll test again on the 29th at 14 DPO. Even if we get a negative this month, I'll count it successful if I at least have a longer LP, meaning that my body *could* sustain a pregnancy.

And the super-exciting thing: We're leaving for Cuba on the 30th! We decided to screw saving money and go away while we can! So the trip will be a celebration either way - if we (fingers crossed) get a big fat positive, we'll be celebrating with virgin cocktails on the beach. If we get a BFN, we'll be ringing in the new year with lots of booze :)

So... I have 8 days to lose 10 pounds before the beach. Not gonna happen, especially over Christmas. Craptacular. My bathing suit definitely does not fit. Crap. So much holiday binging... and it's not even Christmas yet! I'm screwed.

If I was pudgy because I was 3 months pregnant, it would be cute. But pudge due to too many Christmas cookies is not so cute.

28 and four quarters

So today's my birthday, and I guess it's not that bad. I've decided to turn 28 again this year. When you're 29, everyone thinks you're already 30 but lying about it, which means you have essentially 2 years of being 30 - no thank you. I choose to be 28 for two years, and then maybe next year I'll turn 30.

I have been so anti-birthday this year, which really isn't very Daphne-like. Originally, we were supposed to be in India over my birthday, which I decided meant I didn't have to get older. I told my family I didn't want to celebrate when we got back --> no cake = no birthday = no getting older. Since we're still in the country, I upheld that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday anyway. No dinner with my mom, brother & sister-in-law, no dinner with my dad, and no dinner with my in-laws. (However, I'll break down and go to London on Sunday though to see my mom. I'm feeling a little sappy today... I blame hormones).

I couldn't get out of doing my birthday with my husband, and really, as much as I protested, I'm glad we're going out for dinner tonight. We're going to the Red Violin Brazillian Steakhouse - we've never been there, and it fits in with my theory that everything's better on a stick. As for my birthday present, my husband is the best thing since sliced bread. He got me a DeLonghi cappuccino/coffee maker. I've been drooling over these beautiful machines since our wedding, and have almost bought one dozens of times, but could never quite justify it. Since DH doesn't drink coffee, it would be a splurge just for me. He bought me an even nicer one than I was looking at check it out.

I've drank more coffee, cappuccino and espresso in the last 36 hours than in the last month combined (he let me open it Monday night, since I've been off work this week and he knew I'd want to play with it). I bought some decaf espresso coffee today, since I'm cutting out the caffeine again starting tomorrow, as we jump back on the TTC train.

Today, I treated myself by going to the spa for a manicure & pedicure, and I got my eyelashes tinted too (I'm looking forward to skipping the mascara every now and then - and still having visible eyelashes!). I'll definitely return to this spa. It was beautiful and calm, and it's right on my way home from work so it's really convenient.

So, for the rest of my day, I'm going to get our Christmas decorations in order so we can do the tree tonight.

As much as I didn't want to get older this year, I guess my 28 4/4 birthday hasn't been half bad.

Days Off

Since we canceled our India trip (no regrets at all now, after all that's going on there) I had 13 vacation days I needed to use. I carried 5 over to 2009 to use before March, which left me with 8 random days to use in a month and a half. I took Monday & Tuesday off last week, and this week, I'm off Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday. The remaining 3 days will be used b/t Christmas and New Years.

Last week, I did absolutely nothing with my time off, and it was everything I wanted it to be. I sat at home, watched countless episodes of A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby, cooked, ate, and sat on my couch some more. That's it. And it was wonderful. I was getting pretty burnt out at work, so the time off was really needed. Work was freaking crazy Wednesday, but whatever, it was worth it.

This week, I'm doing more with my time. Today, I'm heading downtown to meet my old office-mate at Insurance Hell, Sandy, for lunch. We're going to the Japanese place we used to go to often - I miss that. I don't miss Insurance Hell at all (hooray for The Publisher: The best workplace in the world!) but I miss Sandy, and I miss our lunches. So I'm looking forward to that.

Tomorrow, I'm heading downtown again to meet my sister-in-law and her cousin (-in-law, I guess, since it's her husband's cousin) for some shopping in the afternoon. We're heading to some place where my brother-in-law buys purses for cheap, or something.

Wednesday is my (ugh) 29th birthday, so I'm going to get a manicure/pedicure to try to forget that I'm turning 29. Now that I'm not out of the country, I guess my birthday still has to happen, which really blows.

Ooh, on a birthday positive, I think my wonderful husband may have bought me my long-coveted cappuccino/coffee maker! I can see the box in our foyer, but it's covered in bags so I don't know what it is. It's a big box though! I said I don't want presents (because I want to pretend my birthday didn't happen at all), but I wouldn't say no to the cappuccino maker!

Okay. Off to make some full-caffeine coffee (enjoying it while I have my period, because after that, I'm back to decaf while I TTC) and some breakfast.

*Note: Welcome to any Bump-ers that might be visiting! I finally put a link to my blog in my Bump signature.

A little from column A, a little from column B

I’ve always been a walking dichotomy – that’s not new. I’ve never wanted to be just one thing – I want to be that, and the opposite at the same time. It makes perfect sense to me, but I can see that it could be confusing for people trying to figure me out.

I don’t want to be an adult, but I want to be taken seriously like one.
I’m outgoing and gregarious, but I need to be alone just reading or writing to keep myself feeling like me.
I’m a raging feminist, but love the ‘womanly’ things feminists often rage against (I like that I’m *able* to use my sewing machine, but don’t expect me to *use* it!)
I love traveling alone, but then want everyone to share my experiences, somehow.

My husband pointed out another one in Saskatchewan this weekend that I hadn’t thought of before.

I’m a city kid, through and through… until I’m on the farm.

I was showing him around my grandparents’ farm on Friday, wanting him to love the barn and the cows and the wheat fields as much as I do. He just stopped and said, “This is so weird for me – I’d never picture this as you.”

I grew up in a city – my dad’s from Saskatchewan, but moved to Toronto when he was 18 to go to tech school. He didn’t want to take over the family farm, though he was the oldest son of 4. When we were kids, he took my brother and I out pretty much every summer to stay with his parents, hang with his brothers and cousins and their kids. We got into all kinds of trouble (mostly my brother, but me as well) and revelled in the way of life – so much to do, but nothing pressing. So many adventures, but nothing that needed to be accomplished. It was my home away from home, but couldn’t have been more opposite from the home I lived in the other 11 ½ months of the year. As soon as the plane landed in Regina, I was more than just the Ontario cousin – I was an out-of-province Prairie girl.

I had an awesome childhood. My days were carefree and fun, but what I remember most is those 2-3 weeks I spent out there each year, chasing barn cats, shooting tin cans with the 22, playing with my cousins, and roasting marshmallows at our cabin on the lake. That was the me I couldn’t be the rest of the year – just as real as the me I was in Ontario.

My husband has only ever known me as a city girl, besides the time we went to visit my best friend on her farm. He’s always known me as the girl with insensible shoes, who loves her lipgloss and misses her computer when she can’t check her email. But this weekend, I guess he saw the other half of me. He’s far more city than I am – he wasn’t at home out there in the slightest – but he tried, for me. He shot the 22 with me and my dad, he made s’mores for the first time in his life, he walked into the barn with me (but couldn’t understand why I loved the smell), he stared at fields of wheat. He had a good time, but just doesn’t love it they way I do. And that’s totally okay. We’re back in the city, in dress shoes at our desks, and all is well. I left one home for another, and that's okay.