I have...

• An aching pelvis 24 hours a day. It's not just at the end of the day anymore - I wake up with it. It feels like my pubic bone is bruised beyond repair from a 3-day horseback riding adventure - bareback. But it's bruised from the inside, not the outside.
• Pooped 5 times in the last 24 hours. Substantial poop. This is not normal. I'm a once-a-day kind of gal. But I refuse to believe that this is nature clearing me out for a reason.
• My group B strep test today
• To ask my doctor if it's absolutely crazy to drive to Collingwood for this wedding on Sunday. Like, on a scale of 1 to Tom Cruise, how crazy is this? And I don't want to hear the answer, because I really want to go to the wedding - they're good friends. I think that the doc will say it's fine since I'm only 35 1/2 weeks. BUT... Nick thinks we're nuts to risk it, so I'm a little worried, though I tell him I'm not.
• To get work off my mind. I dreamt about it all night and was awake a few times thinking about re-branding some templates today. I'm in the midst of training - only 1 week left!
• To ask the doctor what position the baby is in. It kind of stresses me that I don't know. And that I keep feeling movement so low in my crotch... I hope that's the baby head-butting me, but it feels more like little kicks. Please, PLEASE don't be feet!
• Nothing to wear. I have a pair of jeans and a pair of yoga pants left to wear, and that's it. It's gotten too cold to wear the capris, dresses and skirts I've lived on all summer, and now I'm forced to wear 2 pairs of pant on alternating days. This is not cool.
• Only 5 days left in the office. And today doesn't really count, since I have to leave halfway through an already short Friday to go to the doctor's.
• To leave for work. I'm going in for 7 so I can get some work done before I have to leave around 9:45 to get to my appointment. I'll work from home after my appointment.

Elefeet

I fondly remember when I used to have cute feet, and those cute feet had many, many pairs of cute shoes to wear. Now, I have Elefeet.

Behold:

Oh, those beautiful little pink caplets....

Each week when I fill in the "What I Miss" field, I think of the obvious things - like sleeping, and wine, and not feeling like a beached whale every time I lay down.

 

But one thing I haven't given its due credit is how much I miss PEPTO BISMOL. Man, what I wouldn't give for one of those beautiful little pink caplets that cure everything....

 

Especially now that I have the diet of a very oversized (and not very nimble) fruit bat, I would LOVE to take just one. Even a half of one. My digestive tract would love me for it.  And my feet would thank me - because I spend a good portion of every day walking back and forth to the washroom, hoping to find it empty (because ladies just don't do that kind of thing when there's someone else in there - Nick does not get this). I understand, though, that our little brownie would likely not thank me for taking the Pepto... But man oh man... I miss the convenience of taking those perfect little pills and feeling fabulous no matter what I ate.

Whose bellybutton is this?

So yesterday, as I was busy moisturizing after my shower, I looked in the mirror and saw something shocking. There appears to be a big, gaping hole in my stomach where my little and deep belly button used to be. All of a sudden, it has changed - it's huge and wide and you can see straight in - it's not the shadowed little circle it used to be.

I showed Nick when he woke up and he said, "I don't think I've ever been able to see the 'back' of your bellybutton before!" Meaning that it went in so far that it just seemed like a black hole.

And so it begins. I hope it just continues to flatten out and doesn't ever pop out... though I know that's probably an unrealistic hope.

Also, my belly's starting to feel less like a big roll of fat, and more like a thin layer of fat covering a hard baby bump. Which is awesome :) I don't mind feeling like a whale if it's a hard bump, but when it just looks like I've been eating too much, well, that's not so cute.

Flossing...

... is excruciating.

I haven't flossed in a while, I'm not going to lie.
My flossing 'routine' is normally brought on by (a) visits to the dentist, (b) eating a bag of microwave popcorn while watching a movie, or (c) going to the Keg for dinner. It's not a normal part of my dental hygiene routine, because frankly, I hate it. And I know I should floss regularly... but I don't. So there.

For the past 2 months or so, I'll admit that I haven't picked up the floss once. I know, I know - "Don't neglect your gums!" But here's the thing - brushing my teeth has been a bit of an ordeal on and off these days. Sometimes it's fine, but sometimes just approaching my back teeth with my toothbrush makes me gag. It's a daily surprise whether my gag reflex will be on overdrive or not.

But the last week or so, I've noticed a bit of blood when I'm brushing - and I use a soft toothbrush, so there shouldn't be any blood.

So last night, I decided to floss. And holy crap, it looked like an old-fashioned vampire movie when I was done. Blood everywhere. I turned to smile at Nick to show him and he freaked out. It was gruesome. And today, my gums feel like I took a jackhammer to them!

Which normally would be enough to deter me from flossing for a while... but I know I have to keep at it. Because of the extra bloodflow going through my gums, apparently gum problems are really common during pregnancy. So I need to keep flossing. And this does not make me happy.

We're going to the Keg tonight... and I'm really not looking forward to the havoc this will surely wreak on my poor sensitive gums. I wonder if I can convince myself to forego the steak and get a salad or something instead....

Blargh.

Today at lunch, I thought I was doing just fine. I wasn't thinking about my Mr. Noodles - just chatting with the ladies and eating, and the evil nausea fairy seemed to have pissed off for a while.

I look over at two of my colleagues sharing a disgusted look. I give one the "What?" look, and she mouths, "tell you later." okay. I continue with the noodles.

Then, two of the ladies leave to go for a walk (read: smoke) and my friend explains what happened. The one woman had been eating vegetable soup with a plastic spoon, and the spoon was bright orange after her soup. She then - without even wiping it - dug her spoon into her strawberry yogurt and started chowing down.

Just the thought of this made me gag. I honestly thought I was going to have a Mr. Noodle-tastrophe. And I didn't even see the soup/yogurt incident first hand!

Thanks, nausea fairy, for reminding me that I'm pregnant.

Procrastinating

I should be cleaning the condo right now (we have an appraisal at 6 p.m. tonight and the place is a pig sty) but I'm feeling like I could vom after bending over cleaning the tub, so I'm taking a few minutes out to drink some ginger tea. Rosy (our robot vacuum) is still working on our bedroom floor, so I'm still kind of multi-tasking.

So the cutest things arrived in the mail on Thursday:

This is how we're telling my mom, brother and sister-in-law the news on Saturday. We're doing a dinner to celebrate Easter, my brother's birthday and my nephew's birthday all at once. So at the beginning of the evening, we're going to give my B & SIL two boxes to unwrap - one for my nephew, and one for their unborn babe (expected to arrive late August) - as Easter presents. Then they'll open the boxes, and voila!

I'm still apprehensive about telling them before I have a doctor's appointment, but whatever. It's the perfect opportunity even though I'll only be 8 weeks.

On Thursday and Friday my nausea seemed to magically disappear. Of course I was relieved, but also worried (because the lack of symptoms makes me neurotically wonder if there isn't really a baby growing in there, and I'll go to my appointment and tell me it was all for nothing). Despite the worrying, Nick and I went out to Asian Legend on Friday night to celebrate the lack of stomach ick. But lo and behold, the ick is back. I feel generally like ass all the time. The idea of food makes me feel ill. And I can't open the fridge now without feeling like hell, because the Asian Legend leftovers are so smelly. I think I'm going to have to pitch them today because I can't just avoid the fridge forever.

We told Meg & Bryan the news on Saturday night - we went over to their place for Earth Hour and munchies and after Meg ran through the assortment of delicious sangrias and cocktails they could offer me, I told her, "I think I'll have to pass on the alcohol for the next 9 months or so." It was fun telling them, and I then cracked open the bottle of sparkling grape juice I had brought so I could properly cheers with them.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. I should get back to the cleaning.

Two new ones

Behind my ear. Two giant, pulsating *painful* pimples behind my right ear.

I am so lucky I have hair to cover this disgusting new affliction. I gross myself out.

On all kinds of -ne and becoming even more blind

Acne. Backne. Chestne. NECKne and even SCALPne.

I'm a walking pimple, and it's disgusting. I've had chest zits since my BFP that really don't go away. I can't wear V-neck shirts anymore, and honestly, that's about 90% of my wardrobe - and it's getting too warm to wear turtlenecks.

On the weekend I found a great big ugly zit on my right shoulder. Awesome. Yesterday, one appeared on the left side of my neck - at least my hair covers it. I have them on my scalp for crying out loud. WTF?

And all of this is on top of the raging 15-year-old acne that has taken over my face the last few weeks. One pimple starts to fade, and two more pop up in its place. And no amount of concealer can cover these babies. This is awful. I miss my clean and clear.

Oh, and another fun thing: I think my eyesight is getting worse. I read about this in WTEWYE, and hoped that I wouldn't be plagued with this fun side effect of pregnancy. But I'm afraid I'm not imagining it - everything's getting blurry. I noticed it last week when I was watching TV in bed with my glasses on - I had to tilt my glasses to be able to read the guide. But I thought it wasn't a big deal, because my glasses had an older prescription and I was tired and the TV isn't that big. But yesterday I was trying to read the guide on the living room TV (a 40" TV, so it's not like the writing was small) with my contacts in, and had the same problem. And as I write this, my monitor is fuzzy - and I sit pretty close to it.

So not only am I retaining water around my belly (and thighs), but even my eyes are water logged and fat, and now I can't see. This is awesome.

Remember when I didn't feel pregnant? Ya, me neither.

UGH.

I just about lost it this morning. I feel wretched.

I went out last night to buy some saltines and arrowroot cookies, hoping they'll play nice with my tummy. So this morning, before I got out of bed, I had a couple of arrowroots. I felt okay while I showered, and while I was doing my hair I had a cup of lemon ginger tea, which is supposed to calm the nausea. So far, so good. I'm feeling okay.

I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich to eat on my way to work. I'm just about to walk out the door, and it hits me. A HUGE wave of nausea - way worse than anything I experienced yesterday. I barely kept the tea and cookies down.

I got down to the car and it was all I could do to chew and swawllow a cracker without heaving.

This is not fun.

I was able to eat my grilled cheese and a few more crackers on the way in to work, but I still feel like hell. I think the key is never letting my stomach be empty, but the problem is that no food looks good and the threat of throwing up definitely deters me from eating. Not good.

Oh, and I got a letter in the mail yesterday stating that my first ultrasound with my new OB is on April 28. APRIL. I'll be 12 bloody weeks pregnant by then! This effing sucks. I think I'll try to call and see if they'll do an earlier appointment, but I'm pretty sure I already know what the answer will be.

Okay, I think I get it

So I think I finally feel pregnant.
I think I have the beginnings of morning sickness. Over the weekend it started, and then yesterday and today it's gotten a little worse. I wake up so bloody hungry, I could eat a full-on linebacker breakfast. Like, I might die if I don't eat *everything* right now. But the idea of food makes me feel rather ill. It doesn't matter what breakfast food I'm thinking of, it all sounds gross. But I'm so hungry.... but I feel nasty. On the weekend, I actually turned down steak and eggs (we went to the Keg on Friday, so we had leftovers) both Saturday AND Sunday - it just didn't sound good.

This morning I had a bowl of cereal and a yogurt (and am still hungry), and I think if I let myself think about it for a minute, I could definitely throw it all up.

I hope this general feeling of queasiness is as bad as it gets for me and that I don't actually start tossing my cookies (or, fibre1 cereal, as the case may be) every time I need to eat.

I need to go buy some saltines tonight. And fruit. I really REALLY want fruit.

Oh, and I'm wearing my bella band for the first time today. I'm wearing my favourite jeans - the ones that I had to unzip in the car on the way home from work last week because they were killing me. Today, it wasn't just uncomfortable to do up the top button, it was absolutely impossible. So I broke out the white/lace one today, with a floaty pink shirt I bought last summer. I think that will be key to me hiding my bloat from people at work - wear empire waisted and comfy shirts I already own so people won't think they're maternity shirts. If I go out and buy new shirts, they might suspect. And I definitely don't want them to know I'm knocked up until after my ultrasound (man, I wish I knew when that was scheduled for!)

The Symptom Fairy thought it was time for me to shut the eff up

I just woke up from a 3 hour nap after dinner - and I am totally ready for bed. I can't stay awake - and yesterday I was saying how great it is that I'm not exhausted yet.

And my boobs and nipples are freaking enormous (for me, anyway). Last night, Nick was checking me out when I was getting ready for bed and said, "holy crap! I feel like I'm cheating on you! They don't even look like yours!".

Okay Pregnancy Symptom Fairy - I get it. I am, indeed, knocked up. I believe you. Could you lay off the fatigue a bit now? I'd like to not spend the first trimester in a coma every night after dinner. Thanks a bunch. xo, Daphne.

Killing time on a Monday off work (woo!)

So I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and I don't know what to expect. She's just my GP, and won't be my OB, so I think all she'll do is have me pee in a cup (or maybe do a blood test) and then refer me to an OB. Oh, and in there somewhere we'll have to talk about the MRI I have scheduled for March 31 to have a look at that cyst on my ovary. I hope she doesn't get pissed at me for getting pregnant before I had that all worked out.

I'm so excited to get referred to my OB, and get my 8 wk ultrasound booked.

Oh, and I still don't feel pregnant. My boobs are definitely starting to grow though. And I'm hungry all the time still.

And yesterday, no food sounded good. We were at my mother-in-law's for breakfast and she prepared this huge spread, and I hardly ate anything. I took some Pawa (a rice dish she does for brunch) and some cucumbers and tomatoes, but nothing else looked good. But I kept myself busy and my plate full so nobody noticed I hadn't eaten anything of substance. I forced myself to eat dinner, but it still didn't taste good.

is this because I'm pregnant, or....

So yesterday I couldn't eat enough. I spent the day absolutely ravenous, despite the meals and snacks. I'm already used to eating snacks between meals because I'm hypoglycemic. But yesterday, it wasn't just a little hunger. It was a hollow black hole in my stomach that no amount of food could fill. And then two hours later, I was starving again.

This morning I woke up starving, despite having a big late dinner at 9:00. And yet, now that I'm eating some toast with peanut butter (hoping the carb/protien combo will help fill me up) I'm feeling very slightly vaguely nauseas. But I don't know if that's the famed bane of pregnant women rearing its ugly head (already?! I'm not even 5 weeks pregnant!) or if it's a byproduct of having low blood sugar due to the hunger, which does happen if I haven't eaten frequently enough. I've been up since 6 and am only eating breakfast now at 7:30 - but that's totally normal for me. Breakfast is always the last thing I do before I leave the house (and sometimes while I'm in the car) so I'm not starving by 9:30.

On one tiny little bitty hand, morning sickness would be almost sort of welcome - but only because it would make me feel pregnant (though I'd gladly accept any other PG symptom in its place). But on the other hand, I'd like to be able to eat my toast (and anything else I want) in peace.

Otherwise, I still don't feel pregnant.