12 Weeks - Plum

Weekly Pregnancy Journal



How far along: 12 w, 1 d - now that my EDD has been adjusted officially!

Total weight gain/loss: I didn't get on the scale this morning because I usually do this on Thursdays. I'll check tomorrow.

Maternity clothes: Very soon, I'll need to buy some pants.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Is normal

Best moment this week: Doctor T-B saying everything looks great! Seeing our little brownie moving around in there. Hearing the heartbeat. It's been a good week!

Movement: Bowels - moving regularly. Baby - we saw him/her moving around in there, and it was unreal!

Food cravings: Fruit

Aversions: Nothing, but I find that I'm really really hungry, but then only eat a little and I'm full and just want some juice.

Gender: Still no idea.

Labour Signs: None

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: Fitting into my pants. This is getting ridiculous - I need to go shopping.

What I am looking forward to: Telling my work on Friday and just being pregnant already!

Weekly Wisdom: You're probably not fooling anyone, but if it makes you feel better to deny the pregnancy a little longer, well, that's okay.
Symptoms this week:

• Nothing over the top. The acne is definitely getting better now that I'm using all this new stuff


• My bloat really looks like a baby belly now


• I can't seem to sleep in any more because I have to pee around 5 or 6 every morning


• My boobs are pornographic, and still very tender

As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed.

Our first baby picture!

How cute is that???
Seriously cute. That's how cute.

The baby was moving around and stretching its arm over its head - it was adorable. And Doctor T-B says everything looks just fine, so go ahead and tell my mom it's okay to tell everyone now :) She said I'm measuring 12 weeks 1 day, so it looks like the due date really is November 7! So that means I'm behind on my pregnancy journal :)

So I guess it's safe to tell everyone now... but I'm still wary. Not that I'm worried about anything going wrong with the pregnancy at all - because I'm 100% confident now. I just don't want close friends to find out at the same time as acquaintances. So we're going to call our close friends tonight (the ones who don't know already) and then in a few days, I'm going to change my facebook status to "Daphne has a bun in the oven." I'm constantly baking something, and often have this in my status, so we thought it would be fun to make people guess if I'm actually baking a bun, or if I have a bun in the oven.

We're going to see a few houses tonight. Now that the 2nd trimester is just around the corner, the heat is on to find a place that we'll be happy with for the next 5 years or so and just buy the damn thing. We've come to terms with the fact that we're not going to buy our dream house right now, so we should just get something that's nice for now, and get on with it so we move while I'm still useful.

Big Ultrasound Today!

At 2:30 p.m., we'll be heading to the OB's office to see our little babe again. We're doing the IPS testing and 1st Tri ultrasound. And we'll get a picture of the ultrasound this time! Woooo!

I'm excited :) And one of the best things is that the appointment is at 2:30 so I get to leave work, and then just work from home after. That's fab. So I get to go home right after the ultrasound and scan that little picture and send it to our families and my boss and upload it to my blog :)

And provided that all goes well today, I'll feel pretty comfortable telling people. We'll wait until next week to announce it on Facebook (much to Nick's dismay) but we can tell friends and such now.

I can't wait to just 'come clean' with everyone!

The sweetest sound I've ever heard

My SIL (the doctor who prescribed me wonderful acne-killing face medicine a couple of weeks ago) brought her doppler to the BBQ so we could try to find a heartbeat. She made us promise that we wouldn't freak out if we didn't find it - she couldn't find it most of the time on herself because she was so swollen all the time. But since we have our big ultrasound on Tuesday, she brought it anyway.

So we're all waiting for the non-family guests to leave the BBQ so we can go try it out... But as 11 rolls around, we realize they're not leaving anytime soon, and say screw it. Nick, SIL and I go into the bedroom and close the door. My SIL got me all set up and covered in US goo, and put the wand on my belly. She searched around for a minute or two, pointing out my own heartbeat and the sound of the umbillical cord passing by the doppler, and then the most beautiful sound I've ever heard comes out loud and clear over the monitor.

Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh....

Our little brownie has the sweetest heartbeat. Around 135 beats per minute (which is in the range of normal - hooray!) I was floored. And the babe was swimming around - we could only get maybe 15 seconds of heartbeat before s/he would move away from the wand. I had just had a cup of tea, so maybe the babe was feeling a little frisky :)

We invited my other sister-in-law in to hear, and then my mother-in-law.

And she let us take the doppler home, as long as we returned it on Sunday so she could take it back to the office on Monday.

So we listened again before bed, and then again in the morning before I showered. In the morning, we decided to call my mom. I ended up waking her up (oops!) but told her that someone wanted to say hi. We put the phone up to the monitor so she could hear the woosh woosh (still around 135 BPM). She said, "what the hell was that?" I told her it was the baby's heartbeat, and she melted. We put the doppler back to the phone, and I could hear her saying, "Hi baby! This is your grandma!" It was so sweet. I apologised for waking her, but said we figured she'd want to say hi before we had to take the doppler back.
I think it completely made her day.

I could listen to that all day.... But that's okay. The big ultrasound is Tuesday and we'll get a picture of our little baby brownie!

So apparently, I'm not fooling anyone.

We went to look at a house on Saturday on our way over to my sister-in-law's for a birthday BBQ. I was wearing a cute little sundress, which I figured hid my bloated belly pretty well - it was empire waisted and pretty flowy.

So we're looking through the house, and decide it's not for us. On our way out, the realtor asked what we thought about it. I replied, "it's nice, but it doesn't have enough bedrooms." Without hesitation, she looks at my stomach and says, "Which number is this?" I kind of stuttered and said, "Oh, it's our first." Then we left. As soon as we were out the door, Nick says, "Do you want to go home and change?" Well no, because I don't have anything else at all to wear!

This lady was so confident that I was pregnant, she didn't even hesitate to ask! Nervy!

So at the BBQ, I was pretty self-conscious and tried to make an effort to suck in and stand in flattering ways. It was a family BBQ, which meant that half of the guests knew I'm pregnant (my in-laws), but the other half were my sister-in-law's in-laws, who obviously didn't know. But they were all looking at my stomach, and I knew it.

As we were about to leave later that night, my brother-in-law tells me that his mom knows. She went up to him and said, "Listen, you don't have to say anything, but just tell Daphne Congratulations". He denied knowing anything, and said that if I'm pregnant, I haven't told him yet. She just shushed him and said, "I'm your mother, and I know when someone is pregnant."

So ya, I was kind of upset for a bit... but in the end, I am pregnant, so whatever. I'd be horribly offended if I was just getting chunky, but I am actually growing a little person inside me, so whatever. We'll be telling people soon enough - in a week! Or less! So whatever.

I might have to break down

...and buy some mat pants. I am so incredibly uncomfortable now, and I'm really running out of things to wear. Only one pair of jeans fits (my fat jeans) and even those have to be worn with the bella band. The other jeans won't even get up past my thighs.
And shirts aren't much better. Once I 'come out' at work, it'll be better because I won't be trying to hide my ever-expanding belly (I don't care that it's not baby yet, I look pregnant, and that's really all that matters when you're trying to keep it quiet). But for now, I have a very limited wardrobe of drapy shirts that still cover my stupid chest acne (the prescription is helping, but they're going away so slowly). And with it getting warm out now, I'm really limited since I can't justify wearing my heavy layer-y sweaters.

I might have to make a trip to Motherhood on Saturday. I want some jeans that fit comfortably. I hate fighting with my wardrobe every morning.

I can't wait for my appointment on Tuesday. Then I'll tell my department on Friday at our monthly meeting, and then I can just be pregnant at work. I'll be 12 weeks next week, so I think that's long enough to wait. Some people say that's the end of first tri - some say it ends at 13. Whatever, as long as the ultrasound goes well, i'm telling!

11 Weeks - Lime!

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 11 w, 0 d
Total weight gain/loss: + 3.8lb, which is somehow comforting this far along in the first tri, since I read that you should only gain about 4 pounds total by 3 months. I'm right on track for that. And really, it's all in the belly, so I'm not really upset about it - it's starting to look pregnant, not just fat.
Maternity clothes: Considering it soon. I need pants.
Stretch marks: No
Sleep: Is normal now - I go to bed at normal times, and wake up refreshed. I'm still having really weird dreams - I should start blogging about those.

Best moment this week: Seeing our little brownie on the ultrasound! Getting a prescription for my acne from my SIL.
Movement: Bowels - moving regularly. Baby - not that I can feel.
Food cravings: Nothing really.
Aversions: Nothing. I'm feeling totally normal these days, and it's great. Even coffee tastes good again - this is fantastic news!
Gender: No idea, but my brother-in-law said that he thinks it's a girl because of my horrid acne. He said that girls 'suck the beauty out of their moms'.
Labour Signs: None
Belly Button in or out: In
What I miss: Having a glass of wine with dinner.
What I am looking forward to: Tuesday's big ultrasound! Then on Friday, I'll tell my department in our HR meeting. Then the next week, I'll tell the world!
Weekly Wisdom: Don't be upset when people don't react the way you'd like them to. It won't change anything, so just move on.
Symptoms this week:

• My horrible sciatic pain has really subsided this week (funny - after Nick and I had some super-awesome sex. I think it un-pinched the nerve! And he's so proud of himself for 'fixing' me ;)
• Boobs are huge and tender if I try to sleep on my stomach.
• The bloat is looking more like baby every day.
• The acne is still there, but after 3 days on antibiotic cream and a new cleanser recommended by my MD sister, I think it's met its match.
• Nausea and exhaustion may have departed for good - I think I'm already in the honeymoon stage of pregnancy at 11 weeks!
  

Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future.

I've been so blog-lazy!

I've been delinquent, and I know if I just skip over the news of the last 2 weeks, I'll regret it later. So, I'm going to do a series of posts to catch up - and I'm going to adjust the dates so they reflect the approximate day it all happened.

• Telling the in-laws (April 11)
• Our first ultrasound! (April 17)
• Telling my dad (April 18)

Bean Spilling - Telling my dad

We saw my dad and Susan on Saturday for dinner, which marked the last of the spilling the beans to family marithon we'd been running. Since we had just seen the babe the day before, we were pretty confident in telling them.

My SIL dressed Ty in the Super Cousin shirt we gave him, and when he took off his sweater, I said, "Ty, show Grampa and Susan your shirt!". He was not interested - he ran to the back door and wanted to go play outside. And Dad and Susan weren't really intent on seeing the shirt, no matter how many times I said it.

Eventually, my Dad read it and didn't get it at all. So I said, "because Ty's going to be a cousin". He just looked at me and said, "Oh really? Congratulations". Not excited - more awkward and matter-of-fact. Very anticlimactic. He hugged me really briefly and shook Nick's hand. End of story. Then Susan came to the backyard and said, "okay, so what shirt do I need to see?" She read it, and said, "Oh, that's great news" and hugged both of us. That was it. It was so awkward.

I know my dad and I aren't as close as he and my brother are, but it was dissappointing. It's not that he's not excited to have another grandchild, it's that he just doesn't know how to react.

Meh. Whatever. At least the rest of the family is over the moon - and he'll be excited later, I'm sure.

So now the whole family knows. Not long now before I can tell work and the rest of the world! After my big ultrasound.... that's coming up so soon!

First Ultrasound!

We had our first doctor's appointment!



I met my OB, and she's really nice. When she realized that I was only 10 weeks, she didn't understand why her admin had booked me in so early (she does appointments starting at 12 weeks). I told her that my doctor thought she could check out my cyst while she was doing an ultrasound, and she said, "well, I'm not doing that kind of ultrasound today". Which meant HOORAY - she didn't need to use the dildo-cam! It was a tummy ultrasound!

So we saw our little brownie, and it was amazing. It really made it feel real - it's not just a 'concept' of pregnancy, there's actually a little baby in there. It was unreal.

So it was a really quick ultrasound, since she can't do anything until 12 weeks testing-wise. And she didn't check the heartbeat. But brownie's measuring at the right size (though she's still giving me November 7 as a due date instead of 12, since she's going by my LMP. I'm sure she'll adjust that at my next ultrasound).

So, the 12 week biggie is set for April 28 - which, coincidentally, I think it the original u/s date they gave me before I bumped it up to 10 weeks. Next Tuesday! So excited. And we'll get a picture of our little babe next week too :)

Holy crap - there's a baby in there!

10 Weeks - Prune

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 10 w, 0 d

Total weight gain/loss: + 2.8lb, but I swear to god I'm huge. I'm starting to look pregnant, and I'm really limited on clothes that fit and hide my bloat.

Maternity clothes: Considering it soon.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Isn't as all-consuming as it was before. I can stay up until 10:30 or 11 now, and it's wonderful.

Best moment this week: Telling the in-laws. I have to blog about that - they're all so excited!

Movement: Bowels - moving regularly. Baby - not that I can feel.

Food cravings: Nothing really.

Aversions: The last week or so I've felt really quite good - food isn't the worst thing in the world any more. Yay! Maybe now I can lay off the bagles a little bit!

Gender: No idea

Labour Signs: None

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: Being excited to shop for Spring clothes. Liking coffee. I really miss coffee. Wanting sex. I have absolutely zero sex drive, and my poory hubby is getting fed up.

What I am looking forward to: Tomorrow! Meeting my OB! And my SIL said she'll bring her doppler home from the office so we can listen for the heartbeat on Sunday (we'll hear it tomorrow, I'm assuming, but can't hurt to hear it again!)

Weekly Wisdom: Don't eat broccoli-onion salad at lunch when you have a meeting with the President at 1:00. The whole time I was in his office I was thinking, "Oh my god, I'm going to burp broccoli on this man"

NEW QUESTION: Symptoms this week: My boobs aren't as sore - still huge though. I'm crazy bloated as the day goes on. I have terrible skin, and I need to go buy more high-necked shirts because the chest acne is raging again. Nausea and exhaustion seems to have gone away this past week, so that's good (unless it's a sign of something bad, of course.... we shall see tomorrow I guess).





With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)

Spilling Beans - Telling the in-laws

My in-laws came over on Good Friday to have dinner at our house to celebrate my Mother-in-law's 60th birthday. The whole family came - MIL/FIL (London), SIL/BIL + their 3 kids (London), and SIL/BIL + their son (Toronto). It was a full house, and we took the opportunity to tell them our news - I was 9 weeks along.

So everyone had gone in on a gift for my MIL - we had a painting done of a poster she loved. So we brought it out, and she was surprised. And she thought that was it for gifts.

Then, Nick and I handed her another box, and the siblings were confused, since we hadn't told them we had gotten her something independantly. We took an Indian jewellery box and wrapped it up with a bib inside that said "Thank Heaven for little babies". As she was unwrapping, Nick said, "Mom, it's your 60th, so we couldn't help but go a little overboard. So if you don't like it, just pretend". When she saw the box, she got all excited thinking we got her jewellery. The siblings were so confused, because the whole family buys all our jewellery through my BIL, who is a wholesaler. So they were ticked that we got her something from somewhere else without them knowing.

When she opened the box, there was a brief moment of disappointment when she realized it wasn't a necklace set - and then she realized what it meant and squealed and got up to hug us. The whole family was excited and gushing - and my poor nieces had no idea what was going on until my SIL said, "Daphne Mani has a baby in her belly!" We had to tell them quickly that it's a big secret, so they couldn't tell their uncle and other grandparents yet - since they were staying with them in Toronto that weekend.

My one SIL was so surprised - she didn't know we were trying, or even that we had changed our minds about kids (well, that I changed my mind). She was ticked that Nick didn't tell her. The other SIL, who knew that's why we cancelled India but also thought we were on a break for now, was surprised because she had come straight out and asked Nick if we were still on hold, not two days before, and he lied to her face.

It was awesome. The next morning, I took my MIL to a hair appointment (we were going to a wedding on the Saturday) and she told me in the car, "it's not that it's more important, but.... well, this is the first grandchild that will be 'our family' - the other kids belong to their fathers' families. Not that it's more important, but still". Because in Indian culture, her daughters leave their family to join their husbands, but their son stays with the parents forever. She was so careful not to make a big deal about it - but I know this really means something to her. It's the only kid to carry on the family name.

So, in a nutshell, they were thrilled. And my SIL (in Toronto) was shocked that we had everyone over to our place when I was pregnant. "You should have all come to our place so you didn't have to do so much work!"

The cutest thing was when my nieces were leaving. I reminded them both that the baby is still a big secret, so they can't tell their uncle or grandparents or anyone else yet. The 6 year old said "I'm really good with secrets - I didn't tell anyone about our baby brother!" I said great, thanks. Then she got all serious, and said, "Daphne Mani... can I tell them when the baby is born?" She was so concerned that she would have to keep the secret that long! I assured her that she'd be able to tell them long before that!

The wedding on Saturday was great - and the sari I wore hid my bloat, for the most part :)

Spilling the Beans - telling my family

I've been blog-delinquent this week, mostly because for some reason I've been unable to connect to my home computer from work (boo). This also means I haven't been on theBump through the day, which is probably a good thing considering how swamped I am at work these days. There's just too much to do.


But screw work for a minute - I want to write about last weekend when we told my family the big news! Here's how it went down:


We went to my Mom's on Saturday, and shortly after, my brother, sister-in-law and nephew came over. We were going to do birthday presents for my brother and nephew later, but we told them we had Easter presents for Ty and the baby, and handed them two little packages with Easter cards.


It took some convincing to drag Ty away from his toys, but eventually, he sat with my brother and opened the T-shirt. Trev pulls it out and says, cool! (because it looks like superman). Then he read out "cousin" in a confused voice.


And then silence. Like, nobody got it. Crickets, for like, a minute and I wondered if I was going to have to spell it out for them. Then finally, my sister-in-law says very slowly, "... is Ty going to be a cousin?" and I said "yes, he is!" It took another 30 seconds or so before my mom got it, and she shouted "Oh my god!" Then everyone got up and hugged us and congratulated us. My brother seemed really excited - which was sweet. I expected him to be happy obviously, but he congratulated us on the great news 5 or 6 more times over the weekend.


My mom already invited herself up to stay with us for a week to 'help out' when the baby is born - which totally isn't happening. I told Nick that before - I know we'll be exhausted and kind of lost, but I want to do this just us. After she mentioned it a bunch of times, I eventually suggested that she come up a couple of weeks after to stay, just because Nick will likely be taking off a couple weeks at the beginning, so I'll really appreciate the help when he goes back to work. She agreed. Bullet dodged.

Overall, it went well. They're all really excited for us, and they're sworn to secrecy until I give them the go-ahead.

When we told them that we're telling Nick's family this weekend, my mom said, "okay, I'll be sure not to say anything until after that." Um , NO. You can't tell everyone yet! Not for another month! She was bummed, but understood. I mean, I still haven't had a doctor's appointment yet! For all I know, the baby could have stopped growing and I don't know it (I really hope not, but it's entirely possible).

Ty's big birthday party was on Sunday, and when we were leaving I went up to my brother to say goodbye and he congratulated me again on the great news and hugged me. I think he's really looking forward to being an Uncle. He's an uncle on my SIL's side, but (and I know this sounds terrible) it just means more when it's your own family. I mean, I love the kids on Nick's side to death, but there's just something special about my own brother's son, you know? He's blood.

So tomorrow's the big day with Nick's family.

Here's the plan:


The family's coming to our place to celebrate my MIL's 60th birthday. We're going to make her open her present right at the beginning, even though she'll want to wait for cake. We're going to say something like, "it's your 60th, and we went a little overboard but we couldn't help it. We had to get you something special". Then we have a big necklace/jewellry box wrapped up so she thinks she's getting some Indian jewellry. (this will confuse everyone else too, because the family buys all jewellry through my BIL, and he won't know anything about it). Inside the box, laid out like a necklace, is a bib that says "thank Heaven for little babies". And the cat will be out of the bag :)

And then, I can start soliciting free medical advice from my SIL the doctor :) Like, what the hell can I do about this damn acne??

Okay. I should be working - I'm freaking swamped. So I'm off. Some pictures of my brother and Ty:

9 Weeks - Green Olive

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 9 w, 0 d
Total weight gain/loss: + 2.5lb. I feel like a cow and this bloat is out of control.
Maternity clothes: Not yet, but I'm really in need of a comfy pair of yoga pants for the evenings
Stretch marks: No
Sleep: is still filled with weird dreams. The last few days I haven't been as exhausted, and it's been great
Best moment this week: Telling my family!
Movement: Bowels - still moving. Baby - not that I can feel.
Food cravings: Nothing really. Still loving the fruit & yogurt. Anything carby.
Aversions: Nothing specific. The last few days I've actually felt good, so I'm trying to eat better.
Gender: No idea
Labour Signs: None
Belly Button in or out: In
What I miss: Picking out clothes in the morning and not worrying if they'll fit. My skin - I seem to have traded my complexion with that of a 15 year old, and I would like to have mine back now please.
What I am looking forward to: Next Friday's doctor's appointment! Telling my in-laws this weekend.
Weekly Wisdom: Buy groceries and you won't have to eat crap all the time! Don't let your junk-food-aholic husband talk you into fast food just because it sounds easy.


Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like... well... a baby!

8 Weeks - Raspberry

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 8 w, 0 d

Total weight gain/loss: + 3lb. I really need to start watching what I'm eating more. I'm a carb-aholic these days because it calms my stomach, but I'm going to need to do something about that.

Maternity clothes: No, but if I keep this up, it won't be long.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: is my friend

Best moment this week: Getting the Super Cousin shirts in the mail

Movement: Bowels - still moving. Baby - apparently he/she is moving now, but I can't feel anything.

Food cravings: Nothing specific, but fruit and yogurt always sound good, and anything carby.

Aversions: It depends on the day. I could be totally in the mood for something one minute, and the next the idea of any food makes me feel horrid.

Gender: No idea

Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: Not worrying constantly. Feeling normal. Not feeling like a cow.

What I am looking forward to: Telling my mom & brother on Saturday. My appointment in 2 weeks to tell me everything's okay. Looking pregnant, not just fat.

Weekly Wisdom: My husband is the most calm man in the world - he can make me chill out even at the worst of times.

Milestones: SPOTTING. Last night. Stringy and light brownish. And no matter how much the books say it's normal, I'm freaking out. FREAKING OUT. Nothing so far this morning, but I've been lying down so it might take a while to show up.

Oh, and my boss told me that our Admin Assistant thinks I'm pregnant because I've been looking really tired lately, I've put on some weight, and she caught me eating some saltines at my desk. She told my boss, "if she's not pregnant, I'm worried about her because she might be sick." Crap. The cat is crawling out of the bag, and I still have a month before I want to tell anyone else at work.

Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

Blargh.

Today at lunch, I thought I was doing just fine. I wasn't thinking about my Mr. Noodles - just chatting with the ladies and eating, and the evil nausea fairy seemed to have pissed off for a while.

I look over at two of my colleagues sharing a disgusted look. I give one the "What?" look, and she mouths, "tell you later." okay. I continue with the noodles.

Then, two of the ladies leave to go for a walk (read: smoke) and my friend explains what happened. The one woman had been eating vegetable soup with a plastic spoon, and the spoon was bright orange after her soup. She then - without even wiping it - dug her spoon into her strawberry yogurt and started chowing down.

Just the thought of this made me gag. I honestly thought I was going to have a Mr. Noodle-tastrophe. And I didn't even see the soup/yogurt incident first hand!

Thanks, nausea fairy, for reminding me that I'm pregnant.

Procrastinating

I should be cleaning the condo right now (we have an appraisal at 6 p.m. tonight and the place is a pig sty) but I'm feeling like I could vom after bending over cleaning the tub, so I'm taking a few minutes out to drink some ginger tea. Rosy (our robot vacuum) is still working on our bedroom floor, so I'm still kind of multi-tasking.

So the cutest things arrived in the mail on Thursday:

This is how we're telling my mom, brother and sister-in-law the news on Saturday. We're doing a dinner to celebrate Easter, my brother's birthday and my nephew's birthday all at once. So at the beginning of the evening, we're going to give my B & SIL two boxes to unwrap - one for my nephew, and one for their unborn babe (expected to arrive late August) - as Easter presents. Then they'll open the boxes, and voila!

I'm still apprehensive about telling them before I have a doctor's appointment, but whatever. It's the perfect opportunity even though I'll only be 8 weeks.

On Thursday and Friday my nausea seemed to magically disappear. Of course I was relieved, but also worried (because the lack of symptoms makes me neurotically wonder if there isn't really a baby growing in there, and I'll go to my appointment and tell me it was all for nothing). Despite the worrying, Nick and I went out to Asian Legend on Friday night to celebrate the lack of stomach ick. But lo and behold, the ick is back. I feel generally like ass all the time. The idea of food makes me feel ill. And I can't open the fridge now without feeling like hell, because the Asian Legend leftovers are so smelly. I think I'm going to have to pitch them today because I can't just avoid the fridge forever.

We told Meg & Bryan the news on Saturday night - we went over to their place for Earth Hour and munchies and after Meg ran through the assortment of delicious sangrias and cocktails they could offer me, I told her, "I think I'll have to pass on the alcohol for the next 9 months or so." It was fun telling them, and I then cracked open the bottle of sparkling grape juice I had brought so I could properly cheers with them.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. I should get back to the cleaning.

7 Weeks - Blueberry

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 7 w, 0 d

Total weight gain/loss: + 1lb (But I feel so much bigger)

Maternity clothes: No, but I now only have one pair of jeans I can wear without my my bella band

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: is filled with very vivid (and weird) dreams.

Best moment this week: Getting my OB appointment bumped up to 11 weeks

Movement: Bowels - still moving. Baby - not yet.

Food cravings: Anything with marinara sauce. Otherwise, fruit and yogurt are the only things I really want to eat.

Aversions: Lunch. I really don't want lunch.

Gender: No idea

Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: Feeling normal and not having to keep saltines at the ready just in case. Having the skin of a 29 year old instead of a 15 year old. Wanting to have sex with my husband (he really misses that too). Right now, I'd rather sleep.

What I am looking forward to: Telling my mom & brother next weekend!

Weekly Wisdom: I don't know if ginger ale actually helps the nausea, but it sure does taste good.

Milestones: Um.... I don't really think I hit any milestones this week :(

Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

Two new ones

Behind my ear. Two giant, pulsating *painful* pimples behind my right ear.

I am so lucky I have hair to cover this disgusting new affliction. I gross myself out.

On all kinds of -ne and becoming even more blind

Acne. Backne. Chestne. NECKne and even SCALPne.

I'm a walking pimple, and it's disgusting. I've had chest zits since my BFP that really don't go away. I can't wear V-neck shirts anymore, and honestly, that's about 90% of my wardrobe - and it's getting too warm to wear turtlenecks.

On the weekend I found a great big ugly zit on my right shoulder. Awesome. Yesterday, one appeared on the left side of my neck - at least my hair covers it. I have them on my scalp for crying out loud. WTF?

And all of this is on top of the raging 15-year-old acne that has taken over my face the last few weeks. One pimple starts to fade, and two more pop up in its place. And no amount of concealer can cover these babies. This is awful. I miss my clean and clear.

Oh, and another fun thing: I think my eyesight is getting worse. I read about this in WTEWYE, and hoped that I wouldn't be plagued with this fun side effect of pregnancy. But I'm afraid I'm not imagining it - everything's getting blurry. I noticed it last week when I was watching TV in bed with my glasses on - I had to tilt my glasses to be able to read the guide. But I thought it wasn't a big deal, because my glasses had an older prescription and I was tired and the TV isn't that big. But yesterday I was trying to read the guide on the living room TV (a 40" TV, so it's not like the writing was small) with my contacts in, and had the same problem. And as I write this, my monitor is fuzzy - and I sit pretty close to it.

So not only am I retaining water around my belly (and thighs), but even my eyes are water logged and fat, and now I can't see. This is awesome.

Remember when I didn't feel pregnant? Ya, me neither.

I'm sneaky and I'm not ashamed of it.

I called my new OB's office this morning and was talking to the receptionist about my first appointment. She informed me that the doc doesn't see anyone until 12 weeks, as that's when all the testing and such begins. Fine. I understand (though it sucks ass). But I explained to her that my GP thought they'd try to get me in to have a look at my cyst at the same time. The receptionist looked at the schedule, and was able to get me in 10 days earlier. It's not much, but it's good enough for me!

I totally pulled the ovarian cyst card, and I'm not ashamed of it.

Woo! I now have an appointment for the 17th at 2:45 p.m. - which is awesome, because we're planning on telling my Dad the next day at dinner. So I'll know if things are okay by then. Sweet. I was worried about that. I'm uncomfortable as it is telling my mom, brother, sister-in-law, and Nick's whole fam before we even have an appointment. But I was REALLY uncomfortable telling my Dad & Susan. They're great and all, but I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with them knowing if anything goes wrong - they're family, but not 'close' like that.

In non baby-related news, I'm officially a klutz and should stop trying to fix things. I was re-staining parts of our floor on the weekend and got a big sploosh of stain on the back of our cream couches. Awesome. I've now spent the better part of 2 days scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing trying to get the purplish brown bloops out of ultrasuede. It's not fun. I'm normally very handy, but this weekend was just not meant to be the 'fix up the condo' weekend as we had originally planned.

There are currently two plumbers in my master bathroom replacing our shower handle thingy - it's been dripping since we moved in, but now it's really bad and we need to get it fixed if we plan to sell this place and move on up to the suburbs.

I don't know why, but I'm kind of uncomfortable with plumbers my own age. They should be my dad's age, for some reason. Greying hair, beer gut, bifocals, and telling stories of all the crazy plumbing issues they've seen over the years. These guys are like 30. Whatever though. As long as it's fixed.

Well, I'm going to head to the kitchen to eat some saltines. Good times. Then when the guys are gone, I think I'll go shopping to hopfully find some shirts that will hide the spare tire I'm cultivating due to (a) eating crackers constantly to keep the m/s at bay, and (b) the full fat-full sugar stuff I'm eating now that I'm trying to cut out the artificial sweeteners.

6 Weeks - Sweet Pea

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 6 w, 0 d

Total weight gain/loss: + 2lb

Maternity clothes: No, but I wore my bella band the other day. I am huge.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: is awesome.

Best moment this week: Finding out when my ultrasound is (though I'm ticked that it's not for another 6 weeks. I'm going to see if I can bump it up, but her office is closed this week)

Movement: Bowels - still moving. Baby - not yet.

Food cravings: Anything that will make this nausea go away - like crackers.

Aversions: Nothing sounds good to me. Does that count?

Gender: No idea

Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: Getting up in the morning and not feeling like I'm going to vom.

What I am looking forward to: My first OB appointment.

Weekly Wisdom: Saltines are your friend.

Milestones: MORNING SICKNESS







Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

UGH.

I just about lost it this morning. I feel wretched.

I went out last night to buy some saltines and arrowroot cookies, hoping they'll play nice with my tummy. So this morning, before I got out of bed, I had a couple of arrowroots. I felt okay while I showered, and while I was doing my hair I had a cup of lemon ginger tea, which is supposed to calm the nausea. So far, so good. I'm feeling okay.

I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich to eat on my way to work. I'm just about to walk out the door, and it hits me. A HUGE wave of nausea - way worse than anything I experienced yesterday. I barely kept the tea and cookies down.

I got down to the car and it was all I could do to chew and swawllow a cracker without heaving.

This is not fun.

I was able to eat my grilled cheese and a few more crackers on the way in to work, but I still feel like hell. I think the key is never letting my stomach be empty, but the problem is that no food looks good and the threat of throwing up definitely deters me from eating. Not good.

Oh, and I got a letter in the mail yesterday stating that my first ultrasound with my new OB is on April 28. APRIL. I'll be 12 bloody weeks pregnant by then! This effing sucks. I think I'll try to call and see if they'll do an earlier appointment, but I'm pretty sure I already know what the answer will be.

Okay, I think I get it

So I think I finally feel pregnant.
I think I have the beginnings of morning sickness. Over the weekend it started, and then yesterday and today it's gotten a little worse. I wake up so bloody hungry, I could eat a full-on linebacker breakfast. Like, I might die if I don't eat *everything* right now. But the idea of food makes me feel rather ill. It doesn't matter what breakfast food I'm thinking of, it all sounds gross. But I'm so hungry.... but I feel nasty. On the weekend, I actually turned down steak and eggs (we went to the Keg on Friday, so we had leftovers) both Saturday AND Sunday - it just didn't sound good.

This morning I had a bowl of cereal and a yogurt (and am still hungry), and I think if I let myself think about it for a minute, I could definitely throw it all up.

I hope this general feeling of queasiness is as bad as it gets for me and that I don't actually start tossing my cookies (or, fibre1 cereal, as the case may be) every time I need to eat.

I need to go buy some saltines tonight. And fruit. I really REALLY want fruit.

Oh, and I'm wearing my bella band for the first time today. I'm wearing my favourite jeans - the ones that I had to unzip in the car on the way home from work last week because they were killing me. Today, it wasn't just uncomfortable to do up the top button, it was absolutely impossible. So I broke out the white/lace one today, with a floaty pink shirt I bought last summer. I think that will be key to me hiding my bloat from people at work - wear empire waisted and comfy shirts I already own so people won't think they're maternity shirts. If I go out and buy new shirts, they might suspect. And I definitely don't want them to know I'm knocked up until after my ultrasound (man, I wish I knew when that was scheduled for!)

5 Weeks - Appleseed

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 5 w, 0 d
Total weight gain/loss: - 1lb
Maternity clothes: I bought two bella bands online the other day - waiting for them to arrive. I don't have bloat or belly yet, but let's face it - anything that will make these jeans fit better will we welcome.
Stretch marks: Not yet.
Sleep: ... is needed. I napped for 3 hours after dinner last night, then slept all night, and I'm still tired.
Best moment this week: My doctor calling to tell me that the blood test was positive. My husband constantly checking out my enormous boobs.
Movement: Bowels - still moving. Baby - not yet.
Food cravings: Nothing specific, but I could eat EVERYTHING IN MY PATH and not be full.
Food aversions: None.
Gender: No idea
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out: In
What I miss: Being full after a huge meal.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling pregnant, not just starving.
Weekly Wisdom: Eating *everything* is probably not a wise way to start out a pregnancy - but the key is taking good-for-you snacks to work and eating often.
Milestones: Nothing major since the last report.

Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing!

The Symptom Fairy thought it was time for me to shut the eff up

I just woke up from a 3 hour nap after dinner - and I am totally ready for bed. I can't stay awake - and yesterday I was saying how great it is that I'm not exhausted yet.

And my boobs and nipples are freaking enormous (for me, anyway). Last night, Nick was checking me out when I was getting ready for bed and said, "holy crap! I feel like I'm cheating on you! They don't even look like yours!".

Okay Pregnancy Symptom Fairy - I get it. I am, indeed, knocked up. I believe you. Could you lay off the fatigue a bit now? I'd like to not spend the first trimester in a coma every night after dinner. Thanks a bunch. xo, Daphne.

quick message

My doctor called today and left the quickest message on my machine: "Hi Daphne, this is Doctor E, just calling to tell you that the blood work came back positive. Also, could you call us back and confirm your work phone number?"

That's it - she didn't tell me my beta numbers, but whatever. They must be in the range of normal or she'd have said something.

So yay! I'm 'officially' pregnant :)

She wasn't mad at me!

I just got back from my doctor's appointment, and am happy to announce that she wasn't mad at me for getting pregnant before my MRI!

She did a blood test and I'll get my betas back tomorrow. When we were discussing who/where to refer me for my OB/GYN, she said they'll book a 12 week ultrasound for me. I was bummed, and told her I had hoped to have an 8 wk one, which would make it all feel more 'real'. She explained that unless you're a high-risk pregnancy or were doing fertility treatments, I wouldn't see my OB or have a u/s until 12 weeks.

HOWEVER... the cyst on my left ovary did me some good! I was originally scheduled for an MRI at the end of March, which she said they'll likely cancel (she's 90% positive they won't want to do it now, but she's checking). So she said that they can check out the cyst and baby all at once, so she'll bump my u/s up to week 8 or 9!

So hooray for finding a reason for an earlier ultrasound! Glad that cyst was good for something :)

4 Weeks - Poppyseed

I'm going to start doing this survey thingy I've seen on other blogs, just to keep track. I'm mid-week 4, so I'll do it today for week 4, and again when I hit 5w.

Weekly Pregnancy Journal

How far along: 4 w, 4 d

Total weight gain/loss: I got on the scale this morning and almost died. I've never weighed this much before, and I can't really chaulk it up to pregnancy yet.

Maternity clothes: No, but I had to buy some new dress pants for work that fit - not because of bloat or belly, but because I finally admitted that I'm not a size 9 anymore (and haven't been for months) and I won't be again any time soon. The new pants feel fab :)

Stretch marks: Not yet.

Sleep: ... is fine. I'm not feeling exhausted yet. Just normal.

Best moment this week: asking my mother-in-law to stop with the grandchildren pressure because we're still too young (knowing full well that we're going to tell her the news on her 60th birthday dinner at our house - how's that for a birthday present!)

Movement: Bowel movements? Yes. I'm still very regular. As for our little brownie, s/he is only the size of a poppyseed, so I'm hoping that for now, s/he stays put.

Food cravings: None.

Food aversions: I don't know if yesterday's "nothing sounds good" thing was an aversion, or if it's still lingering effects of this cold.

Gender: I still can't believe that I'm growing a baby in there, let alone wrap my head around the fact that it's a boy or a girl!

Labor Signs: I don't even feel pregnant yet!

Belly Button in or out: In

What I miss: Wine with dinner. It would have gone so nicely with my halibut last night. I really need to come up with a fun virgin cocktail to have at restaurants. Last night, I asked to have some apple juice in a wine glass :)

What I am looking forward to: Feeling pregnant. Getting my 8wk appointment booked. Weekly Wisdom: Peeing on sticks constantly (because they're just laying around the house) will both remind you that yes, you're still pregnant, and that you're silly for needing the constant reassurance of those little pink lines to believe you're pregnant.

Milestones: Telling my boss that I'm knocked up! Getting past the fear of a chemical pregnancy. Our little brownie should be all snugged in now.




In week 3, sperm meets egg, and voila: conception! Your little zygote sets off on a six-day trek through your fallopian tubes, dividing and redividing into identical cells as it travels to your uterus.
In week 4, now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) splits in two, becoming the embryo and the placenta. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming around baby, and will act as a cushion for the next eight months.

Killing time on a Monday off work (woo!)

So I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and I don't know what to expect. She's just my GP, and won't be my OB, so I think all she'll do is have me pee in a cup (or maybe do a blood test) and then refer me to an OB. Oh, and in there somewhere we'll have to talk about the MRI I have scheduled for March 31 to have a look at that cyst on my ovary. I hope she doesn't get pissed at me for getting pregnant before I had that all worked out.

I'm so excited to get referred to my OB, and get my 8 wk ultrasound booked.

Oh, and I still don't feel pregnant. My boobs are definitely starting to grow though. And I'm hungry all the time still.

And yesterday, no food sounded good. We were at my mother-in-law's for breakfast and she prepared this huge spread, and I hardly ate anything. I took some Pawa (a rice dish she does for brunch) and some cucumbers and tomatoes, but nothing else looked good. But I kept myself busy and my plate full so nobody noticed I hadn't eaten anything of substance. I forced myself to eat dinner, but it still didn't taste good.

Saw this on theBump...

Too true

is this because I'm pregnant, or....

So yesterday I couldn't eat enough. I spent the day absolutely ravenous, despite the meals and snacks. I'm already used to eating snacks between meals because I'm hypoglycemic. But yesterday, it wasn't just a little hunger. It was a hollow black hole in my stomach that no amount of food could fill. And then two hours later, I was starving again.

This morning I woke up starving, despite having a big late dinner at 9:00. And yet, now that I'm eating some toast with peanut butter (hoping the carb/protien combo will help fill me up) I'm feeling very slightly vaguely nauseas. But I don't know if that's the famed bane of pregnant women rearing its ugly head (already?! I'm not even 5 weeks pregnant!) or if it's a byproduct of having low blood sugar due to the hunger, which does happen if I haven't eaten frequently enough. I've been up since 6 and am only eating breakfast now at 7:30 - but that's totally normal for me. Breakfast is always the last thing I do before I leave the house (and sometimes while I'm in the car) so I'm not starving by 9:30.

On one tiny little bitty hand, morning sickness would be almost sort of welcome - but only because it would make me feel pregnant (though I'd gladly accept any other PG symptom in its place). But on the other hand, I'd like to be able to eat my toast (and anything else I want) in peace.

Otherwise, I still don't feel pregnant.

Have I mentioned that I love my job?

So, I told my boss yesterday! I know it's crazy early, but we're really close and it was funny how it came up.

She and I went for coffee yesterday, and when we got back to our department she pulled me into her office and closed the door and said excitedly, "I have news! --no, I'm not pregnant! haha" and then told me that we've won a workplace award that I put an application in for in the fall. So we talked about that for a minute. (note: She's well into her 40s and done with kids, so the "I'm not pregnant" thing was totally a joke)

So the whole time I was thinking, should I tell her? It's such a perfect opportunity!
So after we had talked work for a few minues, I said "So... I have news" She she didn't even hesitate, and said "You're pregnant!" and jumped up, ran around the desk and hugged me.

I told her we just found out and I'm only 3-4 weeks along so it's hush-hush, but she's so excited. And made me promise I'll come back after mat leave because she said she doesn't know what she'll do without me :)

She knew back in the fall that we had decided to start trying, and said yesterday that she was hoping I'd tell her when I had good news but didn't want to pry. I'm so lucky that my boss is awesome.

I did it!

I managed to get up and pee this morning like a normal person - not on a pregnancy test!! I'm so proud of me.

I still have one test left, and I'm sure I'll use it. I'm just still so worried that I'll wake up and not be pregnant anymore. I don't know what the odds are of miscarrying (I could google it, but I'm worried that the truth will terrify me) but I'm worried. Probably have no reason to be, but I am.

We're going to look at some more houses tomorrow, I think. We went Monday night and saw two that I could see us living in. We're cautious, and don't want to sell our condo and buy a house until 2nd Tri (just in case) but we want to know what's on the market, and what neighbourhoods are nice. And really, it's kind of fun :)

My name is Daphne, and I have a problem

I can't stop peeing on sticks.

Even after yesterday's digital, I still *needed* to test again this morning. I still had 2 tests left, and I just really wanted to see a dark pink line - one that I didn't have to squint to see.

So I peed this morning, and there it was: pink, visible, and beautiful. Much darker than Monday's (but still not as dark as the control line).

I seriously have a problem.

Clear Blue says it's true!

So Sunday marked 10 DPO (I eventually overrode Fertility Friend, making my O date Thursday instead of Friday), and I thought I'd start testing at 10.

Somewhere deep down, I suspected I might be pregnant. But I didn't want to get too excited. I had really tender nips, which isn't normal for me even with PMS. Otherwise, no symptoms at all.

So on Sunday, I woke up at 4:30 and took my temp. It went up. And then I could not for the life of me fall back asleep as I kept thinking about what that raised temp could mean. After about a 1/2 hour of trying to sleep, I decided screw it, I'm going to pee on a stick. I told Nick that I'm going to test, and off I go. (BTW, I'm calling him Nick from now on. It's not his real name, but it sounds kind of like his real name. So officially, my husband will be named Nick in cyberspace, just as I am Daphne.)

'Cept that I couldn't find the damn instructions for the tests. We bought a bunch in bulk, and they came with one instruction sheet. I haven't seen it since last month, and I couldn't remember how long I should pee on the stick, and how long until results. Is it 5 seconds of peeing and 10 minutes of waiting? Or 10 seconds of peeing and 5 minutes of waiting??

So I went digging through the pile of papers on our desk, where everything seems to end up eventually after we do a mad-dash de-TTCing of the condo when people are on their way over to our place. Nick is all "what the hell are you doing??". I couldn't find the instructions. Then I went to the company's website and found the online version of the instruction sheet, and off to pee I go. (10 seconds, 10 minutes for these tests)

And lo and behold... something appeared. I woke Nick up fully by turning on his light and told him that I think I see a line. He squinted at it in the light of his bedside lamp, but I eventually made him get up and look at it in the real light.

He said, "I don't know if that's a line, or if it's on the plastic." Not content with his suggestion to wait and test again on Monday, I dug the little plastic cover off, and there it is - a light pink line that definitely isn't the plastic cover.

Shocked and awed, we went back to bed. Got up at 8:30, and tested again. Even fainter, but still there.

(I know you can't see the line in the top one - that still has the plastic on it so it's reflective. But it's there!)

And I tested yesterday too. Still faint, but definitely pink. The prettiest little pink line I've ever seen.

And today... a digital!


So that's it - no denying it! I'm knocked the F up! It's crazy and hard to believe, but Clear Blue says so! Four months of "hard work" and here we are!

I have a doctor's appointment next Monday to do a blood test and whatever else she does. Then she'll refer me to an OB/GYN.

So if all goes well, I'll be a mommy in November! How freaking crazy is that? Just over one year from the time I decided I actually want kids, and we'll have a baby!

WHOA. a baby. A little mix of me and Nick. Holy Crap. We've been joking that when I get pregnant, we'll say that we're baking a little brownie (because I bake all the time, and our babe will likely be a light brown-ish mix between my ghostly whitness and Nick's Indian brown-ness). Holy crap, I have a little brownie in my oven!

So I'm home sick today (stupid cold, and I can't take cold medicine now!) so I'm googling my arse off, and reading the pregnancy books that have been sitting in my bedside table for 4 months.

Here's the BFP chart:

I'm off. Google awaits!

I’ve been meaning to blog for over a week, but every time I’ve found some time, I just couldn’t be bothered. Winter makes me lazy. But since I don’t feel like working, I shall blog. Nice.

So here’s what’s going on: My best friend Bev just had her baby! A 10 pound baby boy. We’re going to drive to London tomorrow to meet the new little man, and see their first born son for the first time in ages. Can’t wait to spoil another little guy rotten. I love being Aunt Daphne.

I’m in the two-week wait. 7DPO, according to fertility friend, but I think I’m 8DPO. I don’t know why it set my O date the day *after* I had eggwhite and O cramps… it’s a mystery. I’ll start testing on Sunday when I think I’m 10 DPO. We still have 5 cheap pregnancy tests left, plus a digital, so I can pee on sticks as much as I want.

Staying constant - oh, and we're trying this month, it's decided

I'm doing better with my Bump addiction these days. I haven't gone on theBump during work hours recently (maybe just because I've been so damn busy at work, but still, a success is a success). As much as I enjoy reading through the snark and the really helpful posts and having a community of women in the same boat as me, I think it just makes me obsess about my own chart more than is healthy.


So far this month I've been sleeping normally, not waking up at ungodly hours anxious to temp. Maybe this is a good sign for me. Also, my chart isn't nearly as rocky as the past three months have been - I'm pretty much hovering around a constant temp. Hopefully this will make it easier for me to determine my O date than it has been in previous months - no false dips and rises so far.



Alright, I'm off to work. I'm downtown today at another office (we acquired a company in December, so I'm going down to determine their communication needs). Guess I should look it up on a map so I have a clue where I'm going.

Off hold and onto the fence

We don't know what we're doing now.
We're in limbo - to try this month or not to try? If we try, I'll have to push my MRI to the end of the month (and cancel it if I get pregnant). If I get pregnant this month, we'll have yet another November baby in our family - but do we care? I just don't know anymore.

My damn period is still here, so we have some time to decide, but not much.

In other news, my mom's coming up to visit this weekend and I'm actually looking forward to it. I've hardly seen her since Christmas, so it'll be nice to spend some time together. I'm sure I'll change my mind when she's at our place from Friday until Sunday (one day too long, as always) but for today, I'm optimistic.

Work is absolutely mental. I'm trying to prepare the All-Employee Meeting, and I don't know how I'm supposed to get it all done - I could probably work from now until Monday morning with no breaks, and then maybe I'd be ready for next week. Maybe. I may or may not have a nervous breakdown, but at least I know that when February's over, it'll get back to normal again.

On Hold.

I made it through day 12 (woo hoo for having a normal LP!) and tested again this morning - BFN. And now I'm spotting. Boooooo.
I'm pretty damn dissappointed. Not just because I'm not pregnant this cycle, but also because it means we have to wait until April now to start trying again. I was really REALLY hoping we'd be pregnant this cycle so we wouldn't have to wait 3 months, but here we are. April, for eff sake.

The positives (because I'm desperately trying to be positive):

• I can drink. And I will.
• I can screw the decaf for a couple of months and be fully caffeinated again
• I can give my thermometer a break. I know that I should use this break as a chance to get to know my body better, but I really just want to stop setting my alarm for 6 a.m. on weekends again. Maybe I'll still chart through the week, but take weekends off. That might be a good compromise.
• I can stop compulsively checking my CM every time I have to pee.
• I can stop dreading going to the bathroom for fear that I might find that I got my period.
• I can continue using the salacylic acid facewash that I love
• I can try to focus on something else for a change. Everything besides baby-making has been put on hold since we decided to TTC, so maybe it's time to take back my life.
• My husband can stop stressing over whether or not to be house shopping for a few months, at least.
• I can drink. Did I mention that already? Cuz ya, it'll be nice to have some wine.
• We can go back to having normal sex again when we feel like it, not because my thermometer says we probably should.
• I can stop obsessing over my chart at every waking moment of the day.
• I can stop obsessing over theBump. Maybe this will cure my addiction.
• I can stop dreaming about testing every night.

But seriously, shit. Why the hell did I have to get my period??? Eff.

Daphne, the blubbering fool

I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor yesterday to discuss the results of my December ultrasound (feel free to relive the horror here). And great, they did find a cyst on my left ovary, just as my doctor thought she felt during my annual exam.

I was a blubbering mess in her office yesterday - and this is just one of the many reasons why I can't have a male doctor. I can't be a blubbering fool with a man doctor.


Anyway, it doesn't seem like it's the end of the world, though it felt like it yesterday. What sucked most was that she couldn't give me any real answers - she couldn't say what kind of cyst, why it's there, or what it means. It's a small cyst, and it doesn't look cancerous. They don't think it'll be a problem, but I have to do an MRI to be sure (they don't know if it's in my ovary, or around it, or attached). Also, the other stuff they were checking for in the abdominal ultrasound came back normal (my mom has polycystic kidneys, and my materal grandpa died of it).


However, I was told I should lay off trying to get pregnant for now, so they can do the MRI without fear. That's okay though, because we were going to put TTC on hold for a few months now anyway. So I guess if there was a 'good' time to investigate an ovarian cyst, it's now.

Yesterday, after the blubbering, I had to take my contacts out and go to work wearing glasses (which I never do). At the end of the day, my boss says to me, "Daphne, don't take this the wrong way, but whenever you wear your glasses, I always think you look like you're about to cry!" I reassured her: "Oh, that's okay! The only time I actually wear my glasses is if I have a migraine or if I have been crying and my eyes are puffy! It's not the glasses, it's me!"


Anyway, away from my ovaries and occular puffiness, into my uterus:


It's day 11DPO and no temp drop yet or sign of my period. I only made it to 10 last month before the chart nosedive. Here's hoping it's a normal LP this month (but since I'm hoping, would it be too much to ask to be actually pregnant??). I tested yesterday and today - BFN, obviously. I'm so glad we bought the cheap tests from the Pre-Seed website! Wasting a $2.50 test on day 10 is much better than wasting a $12.00 one!

Yesterday, when my husband woke up, he asked me "how are you feeling?". I thought he was referring to the absolutely noxious gas I had been suffering from the night before (well, he suffered from it too ;) I said "fine" and didn't think much of it. Last night he told me what he was really asking about. He says that every morning he hopes I'm going to say that I'm feeling sick - as in, morning sickness. Cute... though in essence, he's hoping his wife feels horrible. But cute nonetheless.

Alas, no nausea, or any other phantom symptoms, for that matter. I'm at 9DPO today. The longest LP I've had so far is 10, so here's hoping. I'll test tomorrow, though I know I'll likely get a -ve that early, even if I was pregnant.


I went back to bed for 15 minutes this morning after I temped, and I dreamt that I POAS and got a faint second line. Here's hoping the dream was prophetic, not just wishful thinking.

Cramps left, so who knows what that was about. Here's where I'm at today at 6DPO:

No time to post, I'm off to my dad's house in London to celebrate his birthday.

Aaaaand....

Now I'm crampy. I spent most of last night thinking that these cramps can only mean my period is coming.

Then I went to the washroom to find more EWCM. What the hell??

My body is seriously Effed UP.

Cautiously optimistic

Well, my ovaries might have come back from vacation on Sunday, it turns out. FF gave me crosshairs today, so I'm hopeful. I'd like my temp to go up more tomorrow though, so DH and I can take a break in good conscience.

Apparently, my ovaries are still on vacation.

What the hell is this:

Day effing 25, and no sign of ovulation?!

Given, I went on vacation, which can throw things off a bit, but seriously! My CM was pointing to day 19, which would have been groovy (I O'd on day 18 last month) but then nothing happened. I was just annoyed, but now I'm pissed. Why have my ovaries forsaken me??

To make matters worse, we're taking 2 months off to avoid yet another November/December baby in the family (really, there's so much family drama every year, it's for the best) so it looks like this is it. Either I ovulate now and it's our last chance, or I don't, and that's it until April. APRIL. That's efftacular.

Seriously ovaries, I get it. Vacation is great. We all love vacation, and I don't begrudge you that. But I let you slack while I was on the pill for 12 bloody years, so I think you should be rested up by now! Now wake up and spit out an egg so my husband and I can get to work fertilizing it, or let me get my damn period so we can take a freaking day off the baby-making!

Rant over. Off to work where I can't stress about my ridiculous temperatures. Daphne out.

Daphne in 2008 - a look back

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Not much, sadly. 2008 was a pretty status quo year. I guess I got a job I loved, and that was new for me.
2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Probably not. I’m guessing since I don’t remember if I even made resolutions that I didn’t keep them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister-in-law had a baby boy in September
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My best friend’s grandparents – I’ve known them my whole life, and they were wonderful people.
5. What countries did you visit?
Jamaica, Cuba
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A baby (or at least, a baby bump!)
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 25 – the day I started at my fabulous job.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Got a fantastic job that I can’t picture myself leaving. Wow, sounds like 2008 really was the year of my career, wasn’t it?
9. What was your biggest failure?
I don’t think I really had a big failure in 08
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Luckily, no.
11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
A cappuccino machine from my wonderful husband
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I have no idea what that means
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed?
A couple of my in-law’s in-laws. (One sister-in-law’s mother-in-law, and another sister-in-law’s mother- and father-in-law)
14. Where did most of your money go?
Eating out and gifts for family. And I guess a couple of vacations, too.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Potentially going to India (but we didn’t end up going), and the decision to TTC
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I can’t think of one
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) fatter or skinnier? Hmm… I feel fatter, but probably the same
c) richer or poorer? Richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saw more friends… it was a year of endless family gatherings, so I seemed to never have time to see my friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Driving back and forth to London for family stuff.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent it in London, divided between my mom’s, my dad’s, and my in-laws’.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall in love with my husband all the time
22. How many one night stands?
negatory
23. What was your favourite TV program?
Probably Mythbusters or Chuck/Heroes Mondays.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I don’t think I hate anyone. There are people who drive me a little mental, but not hate.
25. What was the best book you read?
Nothing really noteworthy
26. What was your greatest musical discovery of the year?
Nada
27. What did you want and get?
A cappuccino machine
28. What did you want and not get?
Pregnant
29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Not sure… I don’t think I saw a lot of movies in 08
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28 4/4… or 29. Sigh. I took a vacation day and went to the spa for a pedicure, then went for dinner with my husband.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I think it was really satisfying already
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Shoes. And more shoes. And a lot of new v-neck sweaters – not exactly a fashion concept, but there it is.
33. What kept you sane?
My husband and my manager
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Chuck – or whoever the guy is who plays Chuck on “Chuck”.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don’t get stirred by politics.
36. Who do you miss?
My girlfriends
37. What was the best thing you ate?
I have no idea, but judging by how tight my jeans are, I must have eaten a lot of great things.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
Wow, I can’t think of a life lesson I learned. That’s sad.