If heaven was made of leather

I know that the readers of my blog are all male - and that's because I haven't given my blog address to any of my girlfriends.

So, kind sirs, I'm sorry that this post won't do anything for you at all.

Last night, we went out for dinner with my sister- and brother-in-law, since it was her birthday. We're doing a family celebration on Saturday, but we thought since we live in the same city, we should take her out on the day.

She surprised me with a gift.... a gift of shoes.

A gift of Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

If you've ever heard Carrie Bradshaw on Sex & the City gush about her Manolos or Jimmy Choos, well, these are right up there. My sister-in-law bought them on sale in a size too small because she couldn't just not buy them at all. She's worn them once for about 20 minutes, but because it was agony for her feet (albeit heaven for her outfit), they've been sitting in her closet just dying to be worn.

Unbeknownst to me, about 4 months ago, she decided she should give them to me - my feet are an 8 and would fit the Zanotti's perfectly. It's been a 4 month struggle for her to let go of them, and last night, at the Spring Rolls at Yonge & Bloor, she presented me with the most beautiful pair of shoes I've seen in real life .

Okay, I think I need to clarify. I said she bought them on sale, and I think that statement, with no clarification, belies the true worth of these shoes. She bought them on sale for $550.00, down from $625.00.

$550 for shoes!!!!!

These babies were made by hand in Italy of delicious tan Italian leather. I could eat them. They are the sexiest shoes ever. Last night, my husband had to tell me I couldn't wear them to bed (because of course, when I got home, I had to wear them around the condo and didn't want to take them off). In fact, I'm wearing them now. I'm working from home today and I'm wearing my bathrobe and $550.00 shoes.

I am spoiled rotten by my in-laws. They give me jewellery for every major occasion (for our 1 year anniversary, my mother-in-law gave me a diamond pendant), MAC makeup (my sister-in-law is in the fashion industry, so she gives the fashion week giveaways made for blondes that she gets to me), and now, Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

I love my life.

I'm a jerk.

Ok, I'm a bitch. That last post was totally mean. I should be happy for the couple who did, despite my doom and gloom predictions, make it to the alter on Saturday. And on top of that, it was actually a really nice wedding - tasteful and fun, which is the opposite of what I anticipated. I expected it to be really tacky and boring.... and I'm a jerk.

We were sat at a really great table - we knew one couple well, and then there were two of the bride's cousins and their boyfriends. They were awesome. We had a fantastic time, dinner was great, the DJ played good music, and I'm a jerk. The decorations were pretty and the bride looked beautiful in a very classy gown.

I should not sound surprised by all of this.... but I really am. We know how broke the bride & groom are (they had to each work 2 jobs and save for 3 years to host this wedding for 100 guests - I won't even tell you how much ours cost for 300 guests). We know that their appartment is decorated entirely with teddy bears and beanie babies and that they really wanted to get married at Disney. We know that the bride wears sweaters with puppies on them on a regular basis... so you have to understand how surprised we were to see beautiful flowers, tasteful and flattering bridesmaid dresses, and not a teddy bear in sight. And though we noticed the little ways they saved cashola only because we've been kept apprised of all the planning through one of the bridesmaids (who was also one of our bridesmaids), absolutely nothing looked like they cut corners. I am duly impressed. What they did, they did well. What they didn't do wasn't missed by anyone.

The bride has been really high-maintenance and stressed about really stupid things for 3 years, so the grace she showed when confronted with the inevitable glitches - like their limo breaking down in the church parking lot (one of the bridesmaids' husband's is a mechanic and fixed it right there, in his suit) was truly surprising. We had told her umpteen times, "plan all you can now, but on the day, you just have to let it ride when things go wrong, because they will." To which she responded, "No, they can't go wrong!" She did really well, and thanked those who helped with the glitches gracefully in her speech. She was calm and radiant.

Dinner was delicious, we danced our butts off and stayed until after midnight. And now I wish I had written something nice in the wedding card - but I let my husband take care of it so he probably wrote "congratultions" in illegible handwriting. I feel the need to write them both a heartfelt email saying what a great time we had - I have to make up for all the bitchy things I said before the wedding. I am a jerk, but I've been proven wrong.

Congratulations......?

So I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and I truly wonder if the bride and groom will actually make it to the alter. Actually, I wonder if they SHOULD make it to the alter. They have broken up at least 4 times that I know about SINCE THEY'VE BEEN ENGAGED and are on engagement ring #3 - because she keeps throwing them off the balcony when they fight.

Hey, I understand that wedding planning sucks. It can make even the most perfectly matched couple fight like cats and dogs over stupid things (honestly, did I care, REALLY care, if we had 3 indian desserts and only 1 canadian dessert? In the end, did it matter? No. I ate my cake and was perfectly happy, but I argued about it until I was blue in the face... because at the time, it was pretty damn important). But seriously, if breaking up is ever even an option in your mind, then you shouldn't be engaged in the first place. No stupid fight should ever mean so much that you'd break up and throw away the ring. Grow up, or break up. You have to choose.

So ya, if they actually get married tomorrow and make it through the reception, I'll be surprised. I really wonder if they'll make it to their first anniversary without killing each other.

We're giving them a checque (because we know that's what most brides & grooms really want... not the multi-sized colander set they registered for because they felt they should) but you know, we should have thought this through better. If we bought them a gift and they break up on their honeymoon, they'd have to return it. By then, the money will be long gone paying for the reception and three hundred chocolate truffles and centrepieces that everyone wants but nobody knows what to do with when they get it home.

I could actually use a multi-sized colander set.

I wonder if there's still time to pick one up.

The best invention since.... well, ever

We got one on Tuesday, and I love it. Anything that makes my husband get off the couch and away from the computer is aces for me. And it's super fun.

Wow, I feel so 'white trash American'

So the other day after work, against every fibre of by being, I stopped at Wal-Mart to look for a tanktop. I bought a pretty white shirt on Gerrard on Saturday but I need a nude-coloured tank top to wear under it so I don't look like the office tramp when I wear it to work. So, I stopped at Wal-Mart.

I HATE Wal-Mart. It is the devil. Besides the fact that it and all the other 'big box' stores are what's wrong with North America today, I just hate the environment. I don't want to be grocery shopping in a store where people are pushing office furniture around in a cart. I don't want to be looking for a DVD in a store surrounded by families of 7 with a cart full of clothes. I hate it.

My husband and I shop there very VERY rarely and only if we have something very specific we need to pick up, and our rule is to never get a cart. If we are picking up one or two things, fine. But the second you take a cart, you're subjected to the throngs of other people with carts trying to get by because their screeming kids are getting rangy and they still have to buy diapers and want to look at patio furniture and need to pick up a birthday card..... So, no carts.

So anyway, I needed a nude-coloured tank top and stopped at the hub of hell and tried to go straight to the cheap lingerie section. But I got stopped.... by the bagels. My husband was out of bagels, and here they are, at Wal-Mart, not the grocery store. And then, as I continued across the store, I got stopped... in the linens section and bought two anti-allergen pillow protectors, at Wal-Mart, not the home decor place. I hate stores like this, but somehow, despite my best efforts I was sucked in by that horrible thing called "convenience." Finally... I got to the lingerie.

In the end, they didn't have a nude-coloured tank top.... but I ended up buying underwear. From WAL-MART. In a 3 pack.

I have NEVER bought underwear that wasn't carefully selected from La Senza or Victoria's Secret or even Calvin Klein. And I've never EVER bought underwear in a 3 pack before.


It's like in that brief encounter on the way home from work, Wal-Mart somehow transformed me into a white trash American. How the hell did that happen?

Damn you, Wal-Mart. Damn you all to hell.

I feel like I need to dress up and go somewhere fancy to shake off the stank of white trash and get back to my upper-middle class self.

Entertaining

So I haven't posted in ages - sorry.
I went to Jamaica, and I really don't feel like writing up all the dissappointments of that fiasco because it will put me in a bad mood for the day. Let's just say this: Sandals Montego Bay is WAY overpriced for the budget vacation you really get, and romance there, despite how the lovely ads and vacation planning booklets look, is nonexistant. Well, there's "romance," but that's not the same as actual romance. Having our quiet dinner interrupted everyday by a Sandals photographer saying "look like you like each other! be romantic! give him a kiss!" is decidedly NOT romantic.

At any rate, 5 days of beautiful weather, lots of rum, and champagne in our room each night was better than 5 days here of crap weather, work, and no champagne at all.

So I'm blogging this morning kind of out of boredom. My dad & his partner are up visiting for the weekend and I stressed so much through the night about not being awake when they wake up (What if they're early risers? I didn't show them where the coffee is! Must be sure to be awake when they get up!) that I tossed and turned from about 4:45 until 7:20. At that point I said screw it, I'm up. So I've already cooked up a pound of bacon that just needs to be rewarmed and I've made a strawberry sauce for the coconut-crusted french toast I plan to make. (mmmm). Now I'm debating whether I should use this time to shower and dress, or if that will make Dad & Susan uncomfortable to chill in their jammies for breakfast.

I shouldn't worry this much. He's my dad, after all. This should be easy. The t hing is though, my dad didn't raise me. Sure, we saw him, and he took us on vacation to Saskatchewan to see his family in the summers, but we don't have the comfort that I have with my mom, or even with my husband's parents. I've never stayed over at his house, and that's the main difference. We go there for dinners, which are pretty formal. Fun, but formal. We sit in the living room and chat while he and Susan organize dinner, then come to the kitchen to eat, then go back to the living room to chat, then go home. We've never had a meal in our jammies before. I was explaining to my friend Meaghan that it's like having my Aunt & Uncle over for a weekend. They're family, but there's still a wall of formality between us.

Oh, I think I just heard somebody awake. I should wake up the hubby now. He's snoring, and he's definitely going to spend a half hour in the washroom when he wakes up, so I should go nudge him now. Ah, marriage ;)

Off turn on the coffee.

365 wonderful days

I can't believe it - tomorrow's our first anniversary.

On one hand, the year has just flown by. It seems that time passes quicker now that I'm older. When I was in school, it seemed to drag on. But now... wow, it's already mid-May.

But on the other hand, the wedding seems Soooooo long ago. Over the past week, I kept thinking back to what I was doing a year ago on this day- just driving to London a week before the wedding to finish off last-minute stuff, pre-wedding BBQ at my dad's, getting pedicures with my 'Maids, getting my menhdi done... and a year ago tonight, I was trying to make myself tired because the sooner I went to bed, the sooner it would be THE DAY. Just like Christmas - Santa won't come until you go to sleep :) And then, quicker than I could blink, it was done, I was wearing a beautiful platinum and diamond band next to the engagement ring I'd had on for a year and a half, and we were chilling on the Mayan Riviera replaying every second a million times.

It's all so clear, but still seems like ages ago. The year has been busy, and crazy, and wonderful... And I've learned a lot, I think. Over the last year, I've learned a lot about being a wife and a daughter-in-law and sister-in-law, and even though we lived together before the wedding, I think I've still learned a lot about living with someone.

We're going out for a fancy dinner tomorrow night, then back home to eat our one year old layer of wedding cake that my mom so carefully wrapped and froze for us after the wedding. We took it out of the layers of saran wrap today, and mmmmm it smells good.

I'm heading to bed now, but I'll try to blog a bit from work tomorrow while it's all fresh.

So I guess tonight's my last night as a newlywed! Now I'm just an old married lady :)

Mmmmm

I just ate a peanut butter pirate cookie and it was probably the best thing I've ever eaten. Two reasons:

1. I've lost 9 pounds, and I'm feeling pretty damn proud of myself. My bathing suits look great, I can do my belt up on a tighter notch - and I miss sweets like I can't even tell you. This cookie was a sweet, sweet reward.
   
2. It's a 'stolen' cookie. One of the managers buys cookies for new employee orientation and then keeps the opened bags in a filing cabinet to use at the next meeting (and absolutely won't let anyone touch them, despite the fact that they'll be stale by the nex meeting). When she's not in the office, we sneak cookies. And ooooohhhh do they taste good.

I haven't posted much these days. The reason is thankfully not because I'm working in the evenings or anything equally crappy..... we bought a Wii on Saturday, and I've done nothing but work, sleep, eat South Beach-friendly foods, and play Mario Party. I don't feel bad about my lack of productivity - I deserve it. I'm a hard-working 28 year old professional, and I deserve to revert back to my teen years every now and then.

I can't wait to go home and play. Wiiiiiiii!

This is fantastic. Yes, I work in an office, and yes, I am a geek. Whatever - this is great.

Compliments of dailydyson.

Holy Hell

135.6

That's what the scale told me this morning.

I can't remember when I last weighed that! 135 is my Magic Number, and I'm there already -2 weeks early!

WEEEE!

I heart South Beach.

Not much new in Daphne-ville. The weather bums me out, I'm crampy and blah, and my husband's allergies are driving him mental so I'm constantly walking around the house throwing out kleenexes. Ew. That's about it for me.

I feel like ass and I'm going to bed.

This makes me happy:

checking in

So it's week 2 of South Beach, and I'm not doing too badly. The weekend could have been bad for the waistline, what with birthday dinners at the Keg and a birthday BBQ at an Italian household, but I managed to fare pretty well. I resisted the carb-y foods, and treated myself with really REALLY good (but not very lean) meats. Pas mal. On Monday morning, I was at my Friday weight, so I consider that a success. I didn't lose, but I didn't gain. Huzzah :)

As of today, I'm down 5 whole pounds! Yay me :)
I'm at 137, and I'm pleased. I had been at 138.5 since Friday and it was getting to be a bit of a bummer, but dropping that bit on the scale this morning has renewed my zeal.

The bathing suits will fit... I'm determined.

17 days until Jamaica!

This is what perked me up on Saturday morning

My hubby and I woke up grumpily, but then we remembered: we have leftovers from the Keg!

This was divine:

leftover steak, asparagus, roasted tomato and peppers.... mmmm.

It Almost made up for the crappity wakeup.

Not a happy girl.

Why does it seem like my in-laws are hell-bent set against letting us sleep in? We have spent the last 4 EFFING weekends in London due to family birthdays and anniversaries, which has been really, really wearing on us. We get no weekend - we spend the whole time driving back and forth to London and chasing our neices and nephews around.

Fine. So April has been a wash - nothing we can do about that. Birthdays are birthdays, and April is always going to be like that. Fine.

So yesterday was my brother-in-law's birthday, and since they live in the GTA, the London side is driving up here today for a BBQ. Awesome - a Toronto weekend, even though it's a family weekend. We went out for dinner with them last night and were saying how excited we are to sleep in today - we don't have to set our alarms, we don't have to get up early. Wooo.

So, guess who calls at 9:30???? My sister-in-law. "Oh, you weren't sleeping, were you?" "Well, I woke up about 5 minutes ago" (But was trying to fall back asleep). "Oh, I'm so sorry... did the phone wake my brother up?" I look over. "Yes, looks like it." "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize it isn't 10:00" (since when is 10:00 ok, even? Though it's better than 9:30, it's still too early to call, since she knew how much we were looking forward to sleeping in) There was a pregnant pause while she expected her brother to pick up the phone, despite the fact that she just woke him up unnessesarily. "Um, can I have him call you back when he's up?" "Oh... yeah okay. Sure."

Right. So you're not actually sorry you called us early, effectively ending the only sleep-in opportunity we've had for freaking ages.

My other sister-in-law used to do this all the time, and when my husband says, "Uggh, it's 8:00 on a Sunday. Why are you calling now - I'm sleeping" she'd say, sarcastically, "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't get to sleep in - I have two kids. I'm always up now" As though her choice to have two unruly children who have no concept of discipline is cause to make our mornings miserable. Like, we should pay for her not sleeping. That seems to have ended though, after my husband suggested that he start calling her at 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning, because , "oh, I always work late - I don't get to go to bed early. I'm always up now." She was appalled and responded with something like, "No! You can't do that, you'll wake the girls up!" Exactly.
I think that hit home a bit.

My rule: Unless it's an emergency, or you absolutely know we're up (like, we have to be over at your house at 11, or something), NOTHING BEFORE NOON. It's not like we're sleeping until noon, but maybe we'd like to have a morning without talking to our families every once in a while. Perhaps we, as a still newly-married couple, would like to spend our morning in bed, or having a nice, quiet breakfast, or reading, or ANYTHING ELSE that doesn't involve listening to you bitch about something.

Great, now I'm starting out my Saturday grumpy. And the TTC is on strike. And it grey and ugly out. Great.

Day 3 - Down 3 pounds

Yesterday I resisted temptation like a champ. Someone brought in Timbits - I didn't eat any. I went to Starbucks with my boss, and all I had was a Cafe Americano, no sugar. We had a friend over for dinner and while they ate chocolate cake, I just had coffee. (One little cheat: I put a dollop of peanut butter cool whip on their cake, and I did lick the spoon).

Let's see how I do today...

Breakfast: 2 quiche dealies, glass of crystal light

Snack: celery sticks with 1 wedge Laughing Cow cheese

Lunch at Casey's: Asian Chicken Salad

Dinner: chicken & peppers with roasted squash zucchini, handful of peanuts

Day 2 - One pound less (and counting)

Breakfast: 2 quiche dealies
Snack: Missed it because I was at an off-site meeting all morning. Was SO hungry at lunch.
Lunch: Stuffed pepper, roasted squash, V8
Snack: celery sticks, 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese
Dinner: 1 hamburger patty (no bun), Big ol' bowl of salad

To make up for the boring food diary post

Just a little something ... enjoy.

Starting to keep track

I'm going to start keeping a journal of what I eat during the South Beach-a-thon.

So, here goes.

Day 1 - 141.8 pounds

Breakfast: 2 mini quiche cups, 1 V8

Snack: celery sticks, 1 laughing cow cheese wedge

Lunch: stuffed green pepper, jello light cup

Snack: peanuts

Dinner: 1 salmon cake, stuffed green pepper, oven roasted squash

Counting Down - days and pounds (hopefully)

So we booked a trip to Jamaica on Friday. Five days, four nights at the Bay Roc Sandals in Montego Bay to celebrate our first anniversary.

I'm so excited, but also so worried, because Jamaica means beach, and that means bathing suit. There is no way in hell I could fit into last year's suits, and that worries me. I don't want to be one of those people at 40 who say they got fat 5 pounds at a time and never really noticed it. I don't want to be content with gaining a few pounds every year and just upping my 'magic number' - the weight that divides where I feel comfortable versus overweight.

So, here it is: my online confession and promise to myself.

I weigh 142 pounds - the most I have ever weighed.

My magic number when I finished my post-grad diploma was 135 pounds, and come hell or high water, I'm going to do everything I can to get there.

I have 25 days until Jamaica, and I start the South Beach diet tomorrow. I went shopping tonight and made breakfast quiches for the week, and also made South Beach-friendly stuffed green peppers for lunch & dinner tomorrow. I'm set - I have the motivation, I have the determination, and I have 3 bathing suits waiting for me to squeeze my ass into them....

Wish me luck.

Is it wrong of me that I really enjoy my Friday afternoons without my husband?
I'm off at 1 on Fridays (Have I mentioned that before? It seriously kicks ass) and for a few weeks, before the hubby started a new job, we spent Friday afternoons together - we'd go out for lunch, run errands, shop, etc. It was great. It was like a whole extra day on the weekend.

But now he's back at work until 5 on Fridays, and Daphne flies solo. I spend my time doing... whatever I want. I pick up some groceries on the way home, cook, watch tv, bake cakes for the 3 billion Spring birthdays in our families, read, catch up on last week's episode of JPod... anything and nothing.

Don't get me wrong: I love spending time with my husband - he's my best friend, he's absolutely amazing, and almost a year into the marriage, I couldn't be happier. But, I really do like having just a few hours to myself each week (time that isn't spent at work or in the bathroom).

Is that wrong?

Night and Day

Remember my boss from my last job? Remember the ominous and cryptic emails she would send, and how I dreaded interacting with her? Ya, me too. Those 10 months were the most unhappy and least creative I've ever spent, due in equal parts to how much insurance sucks, and my manager's "I can't make you respect me, but I can make you fear me" management.

My new boss is her exact opposite. She's the inverse of the old boss. If it was a math equasion, it would go something like this:

Boss3 = Boss2^-1

(Woa, did Daphne just do something math-related? Yes, yes she did... Does she have a gun held to her head or something? Nope. Huh... weird. That may be a first.)

Yesterday, we had a big ol' crazy event at work - my boss and I planned & executed the thing. I can't tell you what an ordeal it was. Well, I can, but I just don't want to relive the constant struggle we had with our Corporate office in the U.S. over the last month or so. Just believe me: The planning was mental, the day was hectic, and my boss and I managed to have a good time despite it all. And people ate cupcakes.

So last night, exhausted after a 12 hour day at work (following a week of working in the evenings), I compulsively checked my email and I received this from my new boss:

Hi Daphne… you were a star today.

Your pleasant approach, willingness to help and constant smile really helped us get through some challenges. I appreciate your positive attitude and your sense of humour. As you said - one down, one to go! Thanks for everything you did. Without you, we would not have been able to pull this off with such panache!

It was a pleasure working with you.
~The best Manager in the world

Is there anything else to say, except that I love my job? I was born to work here. As my dad's girlfriend says, "Some jobs are great to get and great to leave" - but this one is just great.

Going up?

A couple of weeks ago, I presented a communications strategy to the sales managers - most of whom, I have never met. It went well, I thought - people asked questions, seemed interested, didn't shout at me... all in all, a good meeting. But you never really know what people are thinking.

So, I was in the elevator today and received the nicest compliment. One of the guys from the meeting said to me that he had meant to tell me how well he thought I did at the meeting. He said I was very professional, well-spoken, seemed very comfortable at the front of the room, especially since I didn't know anyone there, and that the plan I presented was just what they needed.

He said, "you've obviously done some PR before." And I have - a bit. But I don't think that's where it comes from. I've always enjoyed presenting - be it on stage with a microphone and some music, in a play, or in front of a group of classmates or colleages - it makes no difference to me. If I'm comfortable with the subject matter, just point me towards the mic.

Anyway, it was an entirely unsolicited compliment, which made it that much more meaningful. He could have just said, "Good morning, Daphne." But instead, he completely made my day.

It's so weird being in a job that I'm really good at. I spent 10 months in insurance hell and was made to feel like I had chosen the wrong profession. I've been at the Publisher for almost 2 months, and I feel like I can do anything - and will be supported by my team. And, apparently, I'll also be supported by members of different departments, just because.

Golden.

I had to 'pitch' a presentation to the President this afternoon. He'll be giving a speech at a conference next week, and I'm the presentation-maker. Problem is, this is the first time I've ever done a presentation for him. I had a general idea of what he wanted, but what does he mean when he says he wants a "pretty full draft" on Monday? A complete presentation plus speech? Bullet points? Complete slides but no speaking notes? Does he even want speaking notes at all? Needless to say, the presentation was not finished when I went into his office. I would not have called it a 'pretty full draft.'

Despite that, the meeting went well and I think he liked my approach. It's a short presentation - 15 - 20 minutes - and he wanted videos in it. Basically, I went to him with slide/note printouts, told him about the videos I'm including (but explained that I need to edit them down a bit still, which is true, and I don't have the software to do that here) and talked him through the main points I think he needs to touch on following the video clips.

I had some speaking notes in the PPT, but some were bullet form, some were full sentences ( I needed about a 1/2 hour more to finish it up and he bumped the meeting up a 1/2 hour - ack). Instead of leaving him wondering if Daphne has writing problems and if they hired some incompetant fool, I addressed the fact that it wasn't consistent, and asked him how he would like the final copy, bullets or full speaking notes. Lucky for me, he thinks that just bullets of what I really think he needs to touch on is just fine.

Things are really nuts here this week, and he has about 30 seconds to think about this presentation he'll be giving next week. He asked me how many minutes video I think I have - I told him about 10 minutes. His face lit up - that means only 10 minutes of him talking, so maybe a half hour of preparation and he'll be golden.

He likes the idea of the videos I've chosen, though he hasn't seen them yet. He likes the idea of the presentation he'll be giving, but he hasn't gone through it yet.

I like the idea that I don't have to write him a 20 minute speech and I like the fact that I'm surfing on YouTube and getting paid for it.

No surprise there

Daphne on the political scale: LIBERALS usually embrace freedom of choice in personal matters, but tend to support significant government control of the economy. They generally support a government-funded "safety net"to help the disadvantaged, and advocate strict regulation of business. Liberals tend to favor environmental regulations, defend civil liberties and free expression, support government action to promote equality, and tolerate diverse lifestyles.

Through the Looking Glass

I've completed my first week in my new job at the Publisher, and I am humbly awed. I came home each night feeling as though I had just gone through a day in Insurance Hell, only in the complete inverse. Where my manager at Job2 was standoffish and cryptic, my manager at Job3 is warm and no-nonsense. Where the atmosphere in my deparment was fearful and tense, now, it is joyful and relaxed. The whole team - from the top on down, chat about their weekend, their work, and life in general. People help each other instead of waiting for each other to fail. I have been given credit for my skill - even before I have done anything particulary noteworthy yet. My boss keeps asking for my opinion - and truly wants it - and is thrilled by my suggestions. As my old boss at Job1 (who now works in a different department here at Job3) said, "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it just doesn't. It really is a great place to work."

I told my husband at dinner the other day that I really think this is the place where I will shine. I can really make a difference as a communicator here and grow professionally and personally, in an environment that values its staff and their skills. Here, work/life balance doesn't mean "work should be your life." It's unreal.

I've wondered before if I'd ever find a place to work where I can truly be Daphne - and I think I've found it.

Blogging out of Boredom (and a conscious effort to avoid TV)

My husband is watching what feels like the ten millionth US Presidential debate. He just can't seem to get enough, and what's worse - he wants me to care on a level deeper than my current, "Huh, there's a debate on this channel. I wonder what's on other channels?" There are few things that make my brain just switch off more than US Politics (or Canadian, for that matter). So, as he watches Hillary and Barack talk about things I really couldn't care less about, I blog and listen to my iPod to block out the incessant speaking and clapping.

I'm listening to Madeleine Peyroux. What a beautiful, tender, soulful voice she has. She sounds like a throwback to Billie Holiday, with a French twist. Love it.

Speaking of things that make my brain shut off, this afternoon I had to go with the hubby to meet with our new invester lady. It was quite possibly the most painful thing I've had to sit through since highschool math class. Honestly. I'm lucky that my husband is really interested in our finances. It gives me licence to avoid it all entirely. He wants to think about things like our net worth, principle, and other scary financial things. Right now, he's working out the finances for his business and, by default, our personal cashola. In essence, we had to put an ungodly amount of money in an RSP, transfer our individual pensions from previous employment into locked-in RSPs, and transfer an RSP my mom set up about a billion years ago for me. Blech.

The woman we met with is very obviously competant and knowlegeable, and just doesn't seem to understand that it's not that I'm not capable of understanding this stuff, it's that I JUST DON'T WANT TO. Please, PLEASE quit trying to explain the ins and outs of mutual funds. Please, I beg of you. Stop asking me to calculate my assets, and no matter how many times you ask me, I am not going to give you an answer to "how much return do you expect from your investments." She just wouldn't accept "I truly don't care - as long as it's not negative" for an answer. She expected a percentage, and I'm just not prepared to think about percentages on my few, blessed days of unemployment.

I'M ON VACATION. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE TO THINK ABOUT INCONSEQUENTIAL THINGS. Like how bad a job my hairstylist did on my highlights yesterday and how I have to get them fixed elsewhere on Saturday.

Reflections on an anti-climactic last day

Yesterday was my last day at Job2 - the Insurance place. It feels weird... Somehow I don't feel like it's over - probably because my boss wasn't there to say goodbye or anything. I was supposed to go out for lunch with her, but her mom was really sick so she didn't come in to the office. So basically, I cleaned out my desk and chatted with my colleagues all day. That's it.

I went for lunch with the girls on Thursday, and on Friday the 2 male managers and two of the ladies took me out. But yesterday felt like a normal day, aside from the packing of my stuff. Chatting, bitching, drinking coffee, looking out the window - the usual.



Normally, when people leave the department, they get a card and everyone writes nice things in it. Not so much for me. The 3 girls got me a card, and it was super sweet. But the rest of the department - nada. I guess since my manager was away... still. It bit. Very anti-climactic. I should have made my last day Friday - the day I had my exit interview and farewell lunch with my favourite people.


And the VP hadn't said more than 'hi' to me for the whole 2 weeks after I resigned (well, except to thank me for the cupcakes I brought in one day). I passed her in the hall a few times yesterday and she didn't say a word. Then, last night, I recieved this email:

Daphne,

I cannot believe that I never had a chance to wish you well in your new career move. Boss2 and I had arranged for her to take you to lunch today as a gesture of gratitude for your efforts here. As you know Boss2's mother is gravely ill and she is not at work. I was very busy with meetings and, as you may also know, my EA has gone to hospital and is quite distracted with her own illness at this time. I certainly didn't mean for you to slip out the door without as much as a formal thank-you.

Please accept this as my feeble and, I am hoping, not-too-late note of thanks.

Please let me know that you received this. If I don't hear from you, I'll make a new and different effort.

Scary and Unapproachable VP
Insurance Hell

Better late than? No. Too little, too late. She had two weeks to say "hey, thanks for the past 10 months, and best of luck" but instead chose to ignore me as much as possible. She could have taken two seconds in the hallway yesterday, but didn't. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess.


The bitchy manager of the 'facebook status incident' didn't say a word to me yesterday. I won't miss her. I'm wondering how long I have to wait before I can block her on facebook without her noticing.


So long, Insurance Crap. I worked with some great people (some not so great). On one hand, I learned a lot. On the other hand, I succeeded in learning as little about insurance as possible. I will really miss some of my colleagues, but I'm definitely glad it's over. I'm ready for Job3.


Now, a few days of de-tox and daytime TV!

Update on the "the facebook status incident"

I showed the status to one of the managers who is actually a 'work-friend' of the evil woman's. Even he said 'wow, what a bitch!' when he saw it. He then went in to speak with her about it, and she altered her status slightly so it wasn't *totally* a Daphne-bash.

She then sent me this facebook message:

re: My Status...

Was not referring to you. It was referring to the recruitment process.
~She-bitch

To which I replied:

Glad to hear it. After hearing what you said very loudly to the MarketingManager on Tuesday to the effect of "I never thought she was that great anyway - I won't miss her," I'm sure you can understand why I took it personally.
~Daphne

"Them's fightin' words, Daphne!" said mutual-friend manager.
Damn right. I'm tired of the bullshit, and if I can't say what I think now, after I've already quit, well, when can I?

We haven't spoken since the incident. I don't miss her.

It's like bizarro world

So there's a potential new writer here doing a writing test.

I went on to Facebook, and saw this status update from the bitchiest manager:

She-Bitch is hoping we'll find someone who can actually write!!!!

Thanks so much. I hope you do too. And that he/she then quits because you're a cow.
I've saved a screenshot of that, and plan to take it to my exit interview. Just one more reason that this place is toxic. I almost want to go in and warn that poor guy, in there, writing away, oblivious to the bullshit... for now..


Another weird thing this morning. Ben, one of my old colleagues (one of the former Communicator's Corner here in Insurance Hell, who was unceremoniously laid off in October) messaged me to tell me he was contacted about my job opening - wondering if he was available still! He got an email from HR, and a phonecall! And the message said something like, "funny how things turn out sometimes... but anyway, wondering if you're available." Ben's answer was officially, "no, thank you," but to me he said, "HELL NO!" Why the hell is HR asking Ben to come back? There's no way my boss knew about that - no way in hell. I told the MediaManager about it and he's like, What? I wonder if Boss2 knows??

Bizarro world.

K. Off to mail off my signed offer letter. yay me :P

Everybody loves a Winner

I love the last two weeks at a job after quitting. I'm so relaxed. Two of my managers have absolutely dumped work on me (at Boss2's recommendation to 'suck all the work out of her that you can while she's here') but I just don't care. I'll get to it when I get to it, and there's nothing they can do about it. I'll work on it soon - but for now, I'm busy surfing on Etsy, so please don't interrupt me.

Our VP's EA is recuperating from surgery, and one of my colleagues asked me to go buy a basket and some cellophane to start a care package for her. So, this morning I took a field trip down to Winners (I will miss that when I change jobs) to find a basket. On the way, I found two pairs of really hot shoes and a sexy, Valentine's-y nightie... oh, and a basket, too. I just got paid to shoe shop.

I love the last two weeks.

HR should be booking my exit interview soon. I can't wait for that. There are so many things I feel I need to say - I owe it to those remaining. I need to tell them some of the many ways that this deparment is dysfunctional, for example:

• the Scary & Unapproachable VP (don't even think about walking into her office unannounced!)
• the EA who continually tells us we can't even think about getting pregnant (not that I want to be, but it's the principle that's appalling)
• the uber-bitchy Manager who has no tact and tries to sabotage all new employees
• even the President who routinely belittles people and makes them cry. Seriously. cry.
  
  Something needs to be said, or the next writer is going to be in the same spot, 10 months down the road (provided he/she hasn't been canned by then).

A sign of things to come

About an hour after I verbally accepted the position at thePublisher, I received the following email from my new boss. Now THIS is the type of environment I should be working in.

Hi Daphne … it was great chatting with you this morning and I'm really excited about you joining our team. I'm biased - but I think you've made an excellent choice. ThePublisher is truly a great place to work.

Odd question - do you have any food allergies/preferences? We tend to do lots of food-related celebrations within the team … and typically do bagels/cream cheese as a "welcome". I shouldn't mislead you - in our team, we take every opportunity to celebrate and what better way than to say "hello" to someone new! If I know ahead of time about allergies/preferences (i.e. vegetarian, lactose intolerant, etc.) I can be sure to get something that will agree with you. We'll also plan lunch out that week for the two of us to get to know each other a little better.

If you have any questions between now and the 25th, please let me know. I look forward to working with you.

~NewBoss

Equal Parts Truth and Bullshit

In an email to my brother

Hey!
Good news - I accepted the job at The Publisher yesterday morning, and then resigned when my boss came in. Sweet :)

Needless to say, the interview with the President last Monday went really well - really nice guy, down to earth. It should be a really cool position - and more challenging than I thought initially, since he told me he wants me to work with him on their communications strategy, and I'll be advising him, too. Pretty cool - such an adult job :)

My current boss took it really well, as did the other manager I was talking with about the media position here. So, all in all, everything went smoothly. And my new boss sent me an email telling me how excited she is to have me join her team, and asked if I have any dietary concerns at all because she'd like to have a welcome breakfast for me. --Now that's the kind of place I want to work :)

How 'Bout You?

...Email chain with my colleague.... My bullets are in green.

I’d rather be:

• Sleeping
• Napping
• Trying on shoes
• Playing tetris
• Cleaning out my desk
  
• Drinking alcohol
• Drinking coffee with caffeine in it
• Smokin’ doobies (even though I don't do that)
• Staring into outerspace
  
• Getting a pedicure
• Drinking a smoothie
• Eating a hotdog
• Sitting on a plane, bound for somewhere warm
• Wearing flannel jammies
  
• Watching TV
• Eating pizza
• Travelling anywhere but here
• Sitting in front of the fireplace with my favourite book
• Hanging out with my puppydog
• Cooking something wonderful while drinking a glass of red wine.
  
• Drinking the rest of your bottle of red wine
• Learning to play my piano
• Winning the lottery
• Daydreaming (oh, wait, I already am!)
• Watching cartoons
• Eating one of the Skinny Cow fudgesicles in my freezer
  
• Driving a mini cooper out in the country
• Sitting in a hot tub (wine mandatory here too)
• Laying on the beach
• Buying a new couch for my basement
• Winning the lottery. twice.
• Driving home. Enjoying the dinner that my guy makes for me tonight, but unfortunately he can’t cook so that will never happen but I can dream can’t I? aaaaaaah yes that’s what I’m doing too.
  
• Riding shotgun in your mini (I’m a great navigator)
• Dancing to some Prince
• Not working
• Writing about something other than insurance
• Learning new photoshop skills
• Going back in time to the 1940s so I can steal some awesome clothes and purses
  
• Daphne navigating while I drive my mini
• Dancing to Madonna
• Working even less than Daphne
• Not writing about anything at all ever.
• Learning some new photoshop skills
• Going back in time before Job2. Anytime is fine.
  
• Learning how to cook delicious Indian food
• Better still, eating my mother-in-law’s delicious Indian food
• Sitting on my front porch way in the future, reminiscing about that sweet corner office while avoiding mention of the job entirely
• Watching Audrey Hepburn movies
• Pursuing my longtime dream of being a broadway star
• Eating fruit loops
  
• Enjoying my house without my mother in it.
• Eating Daphne's delicious Indian food.
• Baking more, eating what I bake and not gaining weight
• Wishing for a snowstorm so bad, I can’t come to work until Spring
• Eating more rice krispie squares
• Enjoying wine. Have I said that enough? I don’t think so.
• Downloading every application on Facebook until my profile crashes.
  
• Redecorating my colleague's home with doilies and figurines while she’s sleeping – and blaming it on her man, just for fun
• Figuring out how many licks it takes to get to the centre of the toostie pop
• Watching re-runs of 80s sitcoms
• Eating brie on baguette (coupled with a glass of wine, of course)
• Buying more shoes
  
• Packing my mom’s junk
• Throwing out knicknacks from knickknack hell
• Eating lardballs and never having to say I’m sorry.
• Losing it like the co-pilot on the Air Canada flight over Ireland
• Travelling to Ireland, but not on Air Canada
• Daydreaming about witty things to add to this list
• Never having writer’s block while trying to write something witty for this list of things I’d rather be doing.
• To be able to dictate this list and not actually write it myself.

A new opportunity?

Boss #1 emailed me this morning...

Happy new year and I hope you are doing well.
I will be trying to arrange something for the Job1’ers in early February.
A communications/pr position has become available in our HR department and the last time we talked you were not that interested in your current position. I am sending you the job description – it is full time but if you are still interested in contract they may be willing to go that way. Its interesting times for this position as our parent company is merging with a big media company and so the communications and pr may be very interesting.
If you're not interested but know someone who might, feel free to pass this along.
Boss1

Needless to say, my curiosity is piqued. Boss1 has raved about the Publisher since she started there, on the same day I started at the Insurance Nightmare. She's acutally already recruited a few others from Job1, and they all love it there. So ya, I'll be submitting my resume.

Aftermath

I said before that I wonder if being hired with 3 others was a positive thing for me or negative. On the positive, I had 'allies', so to speak. On the negative, I was lumped in and probably didn't try as hard as I would have if it were me alone.

I think today I saw what my career at Job2 could be, and it's not all bad. I've never had more people come in to see how I am - ever- and just to talk to me as a peer. All of a sudden, I feel respected as I definitely have not been before. People see me as a survivor, or, as Job1'sPresident said, I'm a 'go-forward employee'. I think this is really my time to grow and prove myself - If I want to.

Was I so dissatisfied before because I was underutilized, under stimulated, and simply unhappy with the managers versus the 'new writers' atmosphere? Probably that played a big role. I certainly don't like the insurance industry any more today than I did yesterday morning, but I think I can certainly be be more content with things as they are now.

I do feel terrible that my success and satisfaction had to come at the expense of three very good people's jobs. I don't know to what extent their firings were 'out of Boss2's hands' and how much hinged on their actual ability in the job. I never really saw their work so I can't judge that, nor would I want to. But even MediaMan today told me that they simply weren't getting it. I don't know exactly what he meant by that, but the opposite was implied; I do get it, apparently. I hope that's true, because I don't wish the team any ill. I don't want them to find they've made the wrong choice and that they should have kept Ben or whoever.

I'm seeing this as an opportunity to start fresh. Old habits I had that were products of both my apathy and the foursome mentality are now wiped clean. I am now Daphne the Communications Officer instead of "One of the new writers."

The only issue remaining is whether I really want this job. And I suppose that remains to be seen.

Broken Record

Ok, so at the end of the day today, I was told that of the four communications officers, I'm the only one with a job tomorrow. Our new President took over today and there were budget changes and shifts and such, and my VP pulled me into her office to tell me what was going on, while the other 3 I share(d) an office with cleaned out their desks.

HOLY SHIT.

Of the four of us, I like my job the least, I waste a LOT of time, and I need my job the least. I mean, Ben just told us his wife is pregnant! My manager & VP apparently had no choice though - it came from the top down - they had to pick one of four. I just can't believe I still have a job.

My manager said she knows I haven't been happy in my job (doesn't take a genius to figure that out - just ask me) and she really wants to work through that with me - as she thinks I have the talent and ability they want, and the personality 'fit' is there, too. And she doesn't want to have "shot herself in the foot and wind up with no communications officers at all." So, looks like I can't quit now... crap.I'm really getting tired of having jobs where this happens. That's two in a row where there's been a re-org 6-7 months after I started.

Will I ever have a job where there isn't a re-org at my 6 month mark? Do I just have terrible luck or am I drawn to these jobs? It's getting a little tiring, honestly. I spend my first 6 months learning what the heck I'm supposed to be doing and then everything changes so dramatically. Not only that, but this is twice in a row that I'm a 'survivor' whether I like it or not. Do I just have 'resilient' written on my face? Because I truly question if I'm really that talented. I'm fine at what I do, but I'm certainly not a model employee in terms of either work ethic or demeanor. I've been told straight out that I'm 'cavalier'. I make it known when I'm unhappy or when I disagree with something - and I do both of these things frequently.

So, why was I chosen to stay over three other extremely talented people, who, from my view, are capable, willing, and truly need the job more than I do? I mean, Ben does anything he's asked to do without question, without talking back or grumbling, and from what I can see, he never procrastinates. I spend so much time on Wikipedia, I should totally be called out on it.

I am Peter Gibbons.

You're laying off Samir and Michael, and you're promoting me? So here's the challenge: As of tomorrow, I have a totally new job. Well, not totally - just more of it, I guess. And do I want it? Boss2 acknowledged that I haven't been happy in my job. It's well known (it wouldn't take a super sleuth to figure it out - all you have to do is ask me). So, now what? I don't hate the people at Job2 and I don't want Boss2 to be left without a communicator. But, can I actually be happy there? If I really work at it, can I apply myself, suck it up and be happy? I just don't know.

This should have, from the view of my managers, served as a wake up call for me. Work hard and quit being the cog, the fly in the ointment, or we'll do the same to you. But I know they're not like that. Boss2 was visibly upset. She didn't want this. So, as she said, maybe this puts me in a better bargaining position?

I guess I really need to decide why I'm unhappy and see if I can use this opportunity to fix it so I have a job I actually like. If that's even possible.

One year later
Same position
Different job.

During a "Strategic Planning" Meeting

We had an apparently useless 'strategic planning' meeting this morning. Basically (as we found out later), we were held hostage in a room while one of the managers was being fired. Classy. Anyway, during the meeting, I wrote this...

Things I'd rather be doing:

• eating breakfast
• making pancakes
• brewing good coffee
• blogging
• watching a movie
• meeting a friend for lunch
• browsing in Shopper's Drug Mart
• Taking an online tutorial
• Reading Freakonomics
• drinking a cappuccino at Starbucks
• not talking about Insurance
• planning a dinner for friends
• getting a pedicure
• listening to Ella
• traveling to foreign places

Commute

Standing on the subway during my morning commute allows me time to think. When I am lucky enough to get a seat, I tend to zone out, but when I stand, I’m forced to pay attention so I don’t fall asleep – or just fall.

As I watched the other passengers sway with the monotonous movement of the train this morning, I began to wonder about their lives. How many of these nine-to-fivers are eager to start the workday that awaits them at the end of their commute? How many enjoy what they do? Conversely, how many are dreading getting off the train, knowing that they’re a twenty minute ride away from a long, grueling, or simply unfulfilling stint at their faux wood desks, bathed in fluorescent lighting with only weak coffee keeping them awake?

Yes, you've guessed it correctly - I'm in the latter group.

And I’ll bet my Swingline stapler and stash of Post-it Notes that I’m not alone here. I bet if I were to take a poll, I’d find that the majority would answer “fine” when asked how they expect their day will be. And they’d probably only answer “fine” because they were being polite to the suspected crazy girl asking them random questions at 7:45 a.m. on a Thursday.

Is that enough? Is “fine” what we all hoped for when we dreamed of how our adult jobs would be? I can only speak for myself (because, of course, I did not actually survey my fellow subway passengers this morning), but I think we all wanted something more than “fine” when we imagined how we’d spend a third of every day from our mid-twenties onward.

Maybe the dreary weather is getting to me, or maybe this particular Thursday is so depressing because I just don't want to spend eight hours of fine every day of my life. What's worse is that if it's fine at best, bad days are decidedly less than fine. I find this really sad.

So, the question is, what can we actually do about it? Will we even do anything, or will we continue to drag ourselves out of bed each morning, throw on the office-appropriate clothes and force ourselves into our morning routines each and every day until we die - or we save up enough money that we can retire comfortably.

It's a sad, sad state that so many talented people my age are dreaming of retiring. THIRTY years before we can realistically expect to do so.

Daphne is...

• Home alone tonight
  - It's my first night alone in the new place. My husband had to go out of town for work. It feels weird, but also kind of nice to have the place to myself. I won't do anything different tonight than I would when he's here, but still.


• Martha Stewart
  - I really can't quit cooking and baking. Last night I made a pork roast, potatoes and corn on the cob, and finished it off with an open faced plum cake from the new Martha Stewart magazine. I'm so very domestic in this new, beautiful condo.


• Tired of her job.
  Really tired of it. - I have moments in the day when my job is pretty decent... but mostly I'm done with it.


• Loving entertaining.
  - I feel so grownup. We can just have people over whenever we want, because our condo is always clean, there's more than enough seating space, and we always have something to eat here.


• Not a good gardener.
  - I received a beautiful orchid as a housewarming gift just over a week ago, and I think I might already be killing it. If I can't keep a fern alive, I certainly shouldn't be undertaking caring for an orchid. It's just not a good idea.


• A little bored this evening.
  - But not for lack of things to do. I really should get those damn thank you cards done tonight. That would surprise the husband. And it would be good to stop feeling guilty about it.


• Listening to the dishwasher, dehumidifier and air conditioner.
  - All together, they really make a lot of noise


• Hoping her brother and sister-in-law come up to visit next Sunday.


• Happy with her life ...
  outside of the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday - Friday.


• Gassy.
  A lot of Indian food this weekend contributed to that


• Lucky

Email chain with a fellow 'checked-out-er'

Hey Birk, How's it going?
It's been a while, just thought I'd see what's up with you. How's the job - still not loving it? I'm at that point too. It sucks - after 4 months realizing that as much as it's a fantastic job on paper, I don't actually enjoy anything I'm doing. Blargh.
I'm thinking of exploring my freelancing options - I seriously question if I'll ever truly like a 9-5, Monday to Friday job, or if I'll always be 'meh' about what I'm doing and wish I was somewhere else.
I miss commiserating about how much our jobs suck :)
Alrighty, I guess I should work, since they've been paying me for 20 minutes already. (I'd rather be surfing Wikipedia...)
Daphne

Hey Daphne,
The job's getting better now that I have work to do – what a concept, but still can't say "I'm lovin' it" ™ - actually trying to line up a freelance gig so hopefully that will fall into place next month.
I think I've come to the conclusion I'm not cut out for the corporate world – so hopefully the freelance thing will work out – something about the commute to work and sitting in a cube farm that just sucks the life and creativity out of me – although I find myself day-dreaming quite a bit lately vacantly staring at the monitor.
Talk to you soon,
Birk

Wow, reading your email was like reading my own mind. Weird. Right before the blue Gmail envelope lit up saying I got an email from you, I was staring blankly out the window, wishing I was doing something creative in a coffee shop instead of the b.o.r.i.n.g. work I should be doing. I have lots to do, but I don't enjoy any of it. And after 10 people have reviewed, edited, and cut crap from whatever I've written, effectively sucking everything that was Daphne from it, I'm not proud of my work.
So why am I here? No idea. I actually have a call about a potential freelance gig set up for Thursday morning. I'm trying to develop my exit strategy from Job2 before the insurance industry completely sucks me dry.
If we banded together all the disgruntled, underutilized and unimpressed 20somethings we know, we'd be an unstoppable team. Or, at the very least, we'd drink a lot and have a much better time :)
~Daphne

I'm glad to know others feel the same way… hmm perhaps we should write a book on surviving your 20's in the corporate world…we're pro's with exit strategies.
I can relate to your frustrations as well – we should do coffee.
Well, I should start packing my desk – it's moving day. I'm actually getting a real office with a door and window…yippie!!!
Birk

We're totally in the same boat. Is it just us... or is pretty much every 20something malcontent with their job? sigh. Next week for coffee? I'm free any day, as far as I know.
Congrats on the real office :) My office is pretty sweet... but I'd still rather be anywhere but here. Should I be wanting to goof off this much? Probably not, it's not healthy.
Ciao
~Daph

On Hating the Guy Who Loves His Job

One of my colleagues is really pissing me off. I'm not sure why he's wearing on my nerves so much...

Perhaps it's because I'm at the realization that I seriously don't like my job, and he doesn't seen fazed by anything. Every new project that lands on my lap pisses me off and stresses me out to the point that I don't want to do it and I put if off. He workes like a machine all the time - nothing seems to affect him. It drives me nuts. I'm a basket case and am incredibly unhappy each time I step out of the elevator on the 24th floor. I don't look forward to any projects - they all feel like "work" - tedious, aggrevating work. He does whatever comes to him without quibbling, without complaining, and without procrastinating. He actually seems to enjoy it and gets a sense of accomplishment out of what he's done. And I resent him for it deeply. I shouldn't, but I envy his committment and the fact that he seems to generally enjoy his job while I feel more and more checked out each day. I keep hoping someone else will do my work for me so I don't have to - and that's not good.

My husband last night, upon seeing the growly look on my face when I mentioned a project i'm working on, said "quit your job - it's all mindgames, and it's not right for you. We don't really need the money, anyway". Don't tempt me, my dear. I just might. I hate being unhappy.

Things I actually miss about my old job (I don't miss the company, just some aspects of my job):

• having creative input
• doing anything creative at all - newsletters, creative writing, the minimal graphic design I had the opportunity to do
• working with a marketing team
• being an 'expert' - people took me seriously, and asked my input - and I actually GAVE input!

So, I think the moral of the story is that I miss being creative. This horribly boring industry sucks the life out of me - and I'm a lively, life-loving person, normally.

I'm becoming more and more 'grey' each day I'm here. And I'm getting pimples like a teenager - must be stress.

I've been here 4 months - my so-called probation is supposedly up at the end of 6 months, but my boss alluded that she could extend our probation after that if we haven't shown enough 'improvement'. I won't even get into how much that pisses me off. Condescending ****.....

Perhaps I should plan to phase out the office job at the end of my probation. Put in 6 months at the serious desk job just to say I did it, and then go freelance. That's not so bad on a resume, is it? Do I care, even if it is? I don't want to lose my joie de vivre here, like I had by the end of the last job.

Okay, so maybe 2 months isn't bad. Finish off some big projects here and then get the hell out and become Daphne again, instead of Office Drone.

Asking the Serious Questions

Every bit of life I had infused into an article was just effectively sucked out of it by our editor.

Why am I even writing here? If everything I write is going to be 'edited' (read: rewritten), then why do I even bother writing it? Why not just hand my outline over to the editor and let her write it the way she wants it? It would certainly save a lot of time and effort.

A favourite phrase here is "don't reinvent the wheel" - if we've done something similar in the past, use it. However, even if I take text directly from a press release we've done before or from another document - it STILL gets edited!!

I can't win. Writing mindless, lifeless corporate vomit makes my brain turn to pudding. But writing something good - really *writing* - and having it ripped to pieces and transformed into something that would taste like cardboard is worse. It's not even a 'lesser of the evils' thing. No matter what I do, it gets changed to the point that it's unrecognizable as being created by Daphne.

If this isn't the right place for me, tell me: where should I be?

Now I'm off to a meeting with my editor to learn, three months too late, what they actually expect of us in the way of writing style, tips, and audience. Great idea. Let's let the newbies fumble through for three months writing what we consider crap, and THEN tell them what we want from them. That will give us a great opportunity to pick at them and grind them down into corporate drones before we finally give them some pointers. That's much more fun.

Daphne draws parallels between working and dating... and doesn't like the conclusions

I think insurance sucks my soul. The longer I work in this industry (and it really hasn't been that long) the less energy I have. I think my braincells are deteriorating, too.

I think the solution to this is doing more freelance work. I say "more" as though I do any right now at all, which I don't. At any rate, I emailed my old colleague asking for some tips on how to freelance, and she wrote back with about a million. She even offered to pass along any opportunites to me that she doesn't have time for herself.

Now, I just need to get motivated to do it. I think part of my problem is that I have a short attention span. I get excited about something, and then I"m just over it. It no longer piques my interest, and I move on to something else.

But maybe this is all just a result of ho freaking boring insurance is. Maybe if I was doing something that required a little more creativity, I'd be happier. I liked working so closely with the graphic designer and marketing team in my last job (not to imply that my last job didn't suck, because it did). I almost miss doing all of those HTML newsletters - simply because I had some input on how they turned out.

Maybe on the pendulum of communications jobs I've just moved from one extreme on the scale to another. I went from being the only person in my role, which meant I couldn't learn from anyone but had all the creative license in the world - to being one of many, where I can learn from many people, but have absolutely no say on what I'm doing.

I used to look at my dating record as a giant list in progress of what I don't want in life. Each failed relationship taught me something about myself, and about what I don't want in a mate. When a relationship ended, I simply added something else to my 'never again' list, and moved on. It was productive, and narrowed down the field to the perfect person for me - my husband. My strategy, while it may not have been the most direct route, worked.

Maybe I'm now applying the same strategy to my career. I know things I absolutely do not want in my career (I'm learning this every day) through my current and past positions. Eventually, after my "do not want" list is long enough, I will be magically pointed to the perfect opportunity. The most Daphne of all positions, where Daphne can be 100% Daphne and not be edited down to a lesser degree of Daphne-ness.

Great. I 'found' the man of my dreams (read: finally realized that he's the one for me) at 25 1/2 years old, and married him when I was 27. Prior to that, I had about 10 years of dating experience, all the while adding things to my list of least ideal mates.

Does it logically follow that I need 10 years of 'do not like' jobs before I narrow it down to the right one? And will the same be true that I already know the right job for me, but I just don't realize it yet?

Crystal Ball

I wonder if I'll ever have a job where I don't feel like goofing off all the time. Will I ever feel that committed? So committed that I don't just want to do the bare minimum. I've never had a job like that. I've always done what I had to in order to keep up appearances, but I've never really *cared* about what I'm doing.

I like my job - don't get me wrong. As far as jobs go, this one is as good as any I've ever had - better, actually. Still, like with every other job, I'm always trying to find a way out of the stuff I don't want to do.

Will I ever have a job where I actually want to do everything - for a reason other than the paycheck or just to avoid getting fired?

I have often said to myself and others that my dream job is writing freelance - being my own boss. But when I really think about it, I bet I'd put off my own work just as much as I do here. Maybe working 3 days a week or something would be better for me. Maybe I'd feel more motivated to work.... ? Who knows.

Why do I put off writing assignments - when I am a self-professed writer? If it is truly "what I love to do" as I tell everyone it is, then why don't I jump at the chance to do it?

I'm going to make a prediction here:

By the time I'm 35, I bet I'll be looking for a new job, at least part time.

But what? The only thing I can actually see myself loving - without putting it off or trying to avoid it - is baking.

Maybe I really am meant to have my own bakery or cafe or something.

If so, all those years of schooling were certainly time and money well spent.

Back to work.

Cryptic + Ominous = exactly what you want in an email from your boss.

Daphne,
Further to our discussion around your performance review, it is incumbent upon me to remind you of the following: Like all new members of the team, it is important that you use your probationary period to learn about the complexities of the industry and its issues. While the department provides the sources of this information, it is your responsibility to acquire it and integrate this knowledge into a precise writing style. The organization's probationary period accommodates this learning curve and provides all new candidates with an opportunity to demonstrate this acquisition of knowledge and skill. Please heed this reminder as you near the six month mark of your employment.
Thanks,
Scary Boss

What the hell?? This is why my manager frightens me. We never actually had a discussion about my performance review, except for the table I made detailing my projects – and on that she only said good things. So, what the hell is this? "Please heed this reminder"?? Did she send this to all 4 of us, or does she have an issue specifically with me? And WHY?? I am beginning
to not like my job. I hate the constant questioning.

The Joys of Editing

I'm editing a really awful report for someone - it makes my brain hurt. I sent a sentence over to my colleague to let her in on the agony that is this document:

The time for the testing was a one hour period agreed upon before the testing actually occurred.


She replied:

The time for the reading was five minutes which was not anticipated or agreed upon before the reading actually being read.

Well written, my dear. Well written. Now, back to the brain-melting document.

Get the Newbie

Having a bad day today.
Not sure I really want to write about it… but having a bad day.
I feel like the ‘newbies’ are being picked on – like all the managers got together and discussed all the issues they have with us (and there seem to be many) and decided to bring them up now – in quick succession.

I’m beginning to see the disadvantages of 4 of us being hired at the same time. On the one hand, we have ‘allies’ – we can ask each other for help before we have to ask a manager (thus, giving us a chance to look better) and we always have someone else to commiserate with or compare notes with.

On the other hand, I think it gives the managers more license to make sweeping statements to us as a group – they don’t have to see us about issues (even minor ones) individually, which might be more difficult for them. They don’t have to worry about ‘hurting our feelings’ when they talk to us as a unit. “there have been some issues with some people doing X – so you should all be conscious of it” instead of coming out and saying, “Daphne, I notice that you’ve been making this grammatical error.” While the managers probably feel like they’re doing us a favour by approaching things this way, it actually ends up doing more harm, I think. I’d rather know that I personally am doing something so I can fix it than know that there are issues among us about that thing.

Another problem: group think. I think I work better on my own – I’d try to please managers more, I think, if I didn’t have 3 other ppl on ‘my side’. I don’t know if that made sense. I guess we all have a greater feeling of empowerment/entitlement because there are 4 of us. We feel justified in bitching about little stupid things to eachother – which we should probably not do.

Blogging Hitatus

Started a new job. Stopped blogging. For Now.