Perhaps it's because I'm at the realization that I seriously don't like my job, and he doesn't seen fazed by anything. Every new project that lands on my lap pisses me off and stresses me out to the point that I don't want to do it and I put if off. He workes like a machine all the time - nothing seems to affect him. It drives me nuts. I'm a basket case and am incredibly unhappy each time I step out of the elevator on the 24th floor. I don't look forward to any projects - they all feel like "work" - tedious, aggrevating work. He does whatever comes to him without quibbling, without complaining, and without procrastinating. He actually seems to enjoy it and gets a sense of accomplishment out of what he's done. And I resent him for it deeply. I shouldn't, but I envy his committment and the fact that he seems to generally enjoy his job while I feel more and more checked out each day. I keep hoping someone else will do my work for me so I don't have to - and that's not good.
My husband last night, upon seeing the growly look on my face when I mentioned a project i'm working on, said "quit your job - it's all mindgames, and it's not right for you. We don't really need the money, anyway". Don't tempt me, my dear. I just might. I hate being unhappy.
Things I actually miss about my old job (I don't miss the company, just some aspects of my job):
- having creative input
- doing anything creative at all - newsletters, creative writing, the minimal graphic design I had the opportunity to do
- working with a marketing team
- being an 'expert' - people took me seriously, and asked my input - and I actually GAVE input!
So, I think the moral of the story is that I miss being creative. This horribly boring industry sucks the life out of me - and I'm a lively, life-loving person, normally.
I'm becoming more and more 'grey' each day I'm here. And I'm getting pimples like a teenager - must be stress.
I've been here 4 months - my so-called probation is supposedly up at the end of 6 months, but my boss alluded that she could extend our probation after that if we haven't shown enough 'improvement'. I won't even get into how much that pisses me off. Condescending ****.....
Perhaps I should plan to phase out the office job at the end of my probation. Put in 6 months at the serious desk job just to say I did it, and then go freelance. That's not so bad on a resume, is it? Do I care, even if it is? I don't want to lose my joie de vivre here, like I had by the end of the last job.
Okay, so maybe 2 months isn't bad. Finish off some big projects here and then get the hell out and become Daphne again, instead of Office Drone.
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